Log.

[annihilate_me]

IMPULSE CONTROL LOG


1.SELF-INJURY THOUGHTS: Overdosing on percocet and vicodin.



2.TIME AND DATE: Febuary 16th, 10. 2:25 PM.



3.LOCATION: Home, my bedroom.



4.SITUATION: Ok, last night I was counting my pills for my diabetes when I found a percocet in them. I haven't been perscribed percocet for about a year and a half. Valentine's Day was hard for me. I keep thinking of everything I did wrong in my past relationship with Tom. And no matter how much of a dick he is to me, no matter what rude word he says to me. I still love him, I still want to be with him. I still want his bear hugs and his gentle kiss on my hand like he used to do while he was driving. I miss sitting in his garage, hopelessly bored while he was working on his Chevelle. I miss waking up a little bit early to surprise him with breakfast. I was his snuggle bunny and he was my sweets. I miss going to the field and shooting our guns. Most of all, I miss waking up next to him. The small smirk on his face and the twinkle in his eye. When I seen that, I knew I was his and he knew he was mine and that's all gone. I drove past his house, I wanted to stop, I wanted to apologize and to make amends. I didn't. I can't have that anymore and I can't sit around waiting for another person to come along. It's what they all say. Just wait, there will always be another person that will make you feel ten times better then the last. It's not true.



5.FEELING: Like ****. I want the world to end and sense that's not a logical want, I want my life to end.



6.WHAT WOULD BE THE RESULT OF SELF-INJURY? Nothing physical on the outside, but internally more damage to an already fragile person. Both physically and mentally.



7. WHAT WOULD I BE TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY SELF-INJURY? I'm hurting, I need help. I want to just be understood.




8.ACTION TAKEN: I'm going to try and take my mind off of this, but there might, just might be an edit.




9.COMMENTS:

[2jules7]

Hang in there, Amanda.
How're you doing today?
*super hugs*

[annihilate_me]

I'm doing okay I suppose. Still restless.

[Chy]

Work through it girl the pain of a lost relationship is great, I understand that. But you are strong and you will get through this and there will be another love in your life. I have no doubt he's out there waiting for you. You just have to go find him.