Impulse Control Log...again.

[2jules7]

1.SELF-INJURY THOUGHTS:
Suicide in general,
cutting, drinking, taking something, other, all.

2.TIME AND DATE:
Currently its 10:20PM on the 22nd of November,
but this has been going on far longer.

3.LOCATION:
At home, at school, at church,
its everywhere I go.

4.SITUATION:
There isnt one, really. Its how I feel,
and how I cant do anything about it.
I just cant describe it.

5.FEELING:
So numb I cant think.
But when I try and cut
the pain is unbearable.
It feels like the only thing
to cure it is to kill myself.

6.WHAT WOULD BE THE RESULT OF SELF-INJURY?
There wouldnt be anymore of this.
Anymore confusion, anymore pretending to be happy,
anymore hiding the pain.

7. WHAT WOULD I BE TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY SELF-INJURY?
There cant be any communication for something that isnt there.
I guess its just I dont know what to do anymore,
and im not strong enough to deal with it to figure something out.

8.ACTION TAKEN:
Last night I talked to Nochy,
she talked me out of it.
But im only getting worse.

9.COMMENTS:
Im sorry I keep posting these. I feel like if I were to
say this out loud it would be like another cry wolf thing
and the only thing that would come out of it would be
me making a fool of myself. Its not like I want to die,
because I dont, I just cant keep living like this. Im not
strong enough to keep on fighting anymore.

[Bryson]

Jules

[Chy]

(((Jules))) darn it yes you are! You are strong enough to fight it, you just did! Now journal and let us help, I want to help, how can I? What has you so tormented? I'm praying for you little one.. *hugs*

[2jules7]

Thanks, I dont know what it is and thats why its so hard. Its just feeling like this for so long has finally gotten the best of me. I cant do anything anymore either, which is so frustrating. I cant fix this in any kind of way, theres nothing left for me to do but sit here an wither.

[Chy]

What exactly are you feeling like? What are the feelings and emotions that have you in this struggle with yourself?

[2jules7]

Inside im numb, I cant feel anything yet I feel everything.
I cant concentrate on anything but the suicidal thoughts;
and remembering anything whether important or not is near
impossible.
Outside im sensitive. Even a tiny poke feels like a full blown hit.
It seems like im making it up, because how can someone feel like this?
Its so confusing, but I dont know how else to explain it.

[Done-With-It!]

I'm not a doctor but I think maybe it is a chemical imbalance at this point, I think you need to see a doctor. Sounds like a lot what I went through.
I'm glad you are able to talk to us, and I'm sorry you are going through this.
You are strong enough to fight it. I know this, cause I made it through all the same stuff.
(((Jules)))

[2jules7]

Mmk. I dont know if I could do that though. Im willing to, by all means, its just to take that step. Im clueless.