Who holds your Worth? What they think doesn't...

[Done-With-It!]

There has been a lot of stuff going on in my life lately and I've made a lot of changes. One specific incident in particular upset me more than anything has in quite awhile. But eventually it got me thinking. Who is the ultimate authority of a person's worth? Of My Worth? Is it my friends? Is it my enemies? Someone who is mad at me? My parents? Someone yelling at me on the phone? My boss? My bank account? Someone who loves me to death?
If one person tells me something about myself or what other people think/say/believe the same thing about me, it Must be true? Their truth has now become my truth because I let them change what I know Now is no longer true, and now I become an awful person who beats herself up for what these people think.

Most or many of us would argue to the end with anyone that we are ALL worth something and that WE ALL deserve to be loved, Until..... we are talking about ourselves..

As we were growing up many of us have been told through action or words, indifference, physical abuse, sexual abuse, abandonment or other things that we are without a doubt worthless by someone, and we don't matter. We grow up trying to prove to ourselves that we are in fact worthy, we hope someone else "Proves" to us we are, Yet when someone tries to prove it, as much as we try,we can't believe them. But we want to, we try, but our past won't let us.
It takes 17 or more positives to undo a negative. What has happened before is more powerful than what's happening now.


I've realized lately that I focus on rejection those who reject me or are unhappy with me, one person to feels like a million people. It confirms what I already believe, some of the things I was told growing up and more. Which feels insane to me.

So Who is the ultimate authority of a person's worth?
That would be ME....... If we just stand up to everyone who has rejected us, belittled us, hurt us, damaged us, or whatever, in our past or our childhood or whenver, and said **** You.
I am no longer taking your words, or opinions as my own, and replace them and the pain with I Am worth something, I Do Not need anyone's permission to be worthy.
Not literally but to ourselves.
Then how our realities would change. We would view our today world differently.

If someone walks up to me and tells me I am black, I would laugh because I know I am not. But if a perfect stranger walked up to me and said
You are horrible and worthless because of what blah blah blah in your past.
I would only agree with him if I believed that. Changing the way we think takes work but it can change our world.

Constantly worrying about what others think of me is exhausting, causes tons of anxiety, and is a very and painful way to live.
I'm letting it go somehow. To think someone else's view of me is more important than my own is insanity. There are too many people out there who do and will care about you to worry about the few who don't.
Don't get me wrong, I do still care about my friends feelings and what they think, but I living and thinking like I do now is killing me. In reality we don't really know what they are thinking anyway. Making assumptions about what other people think just causes us drama and is none of our business.
And why would you want someone in your life who thinks badly of you anyway, let them go. If they are meant to be there, they will be.


I am not saying that we can erase our past, because that won't happen, and our past has made us who we are. I don't know if we can get to a point where it won't still hurt like hell, but We Can change
{YES WE CAN LOL} how we feel about ourselves, and how we see it.
We can let ourselves get help and from THIS point on we can decide
that We Are Worth Something, and we can let ourselves heal or learn
how too.

I had two friends die last week instantly in a car wreck, just sitting in their car and struck from behind. A good reminder that I could.....
Go any day, any time, any minute, so... While I Am Still Here....

I am going to make the most of it.


JUST DANCE~IT'LL BE OKAY
LADY G

Change is hard, emotional, times I feel like I'm losing it,
but it's good.

Don't let anyone change who you are or take anything away from you.
You know who you are, Believe in Yourself. When in doubt go to friends you know care about you and will help you find your truth, it's already in you. You do not need a razor, drugs, alcohol, anything or anyone but yourself to be okay. You are a Great Person and No One Can Change that or take that away from you. No matter what they say it does not matter. What matters is how you think and feel about yourself.
When you find your inner strength no one can break you with their words or anything else. People are always going to try and bring us down it's our job not to let them.
No One can take your power away from you if you don't let them.
Have fun and don't be afraid to cry, you will always be okay again.
Be Good To Yourselves!!




I know some of you will "get" this from our conversations and some of you won't.
Take what you will and leave the rest.....

[Done-With-It!]

Here is one of the many articles I've read lately. I thought it was pretty good.
What You Think of Me is None of My Business

By Paula Maher How we feel about ourselves is more important than how others feel about us. (From The Book of Positive Quotations by John Cook, Steve Deger and Leslie Ann Gibson)"What You Think of Me Is None of My Business" is the title of a book published in 1979 by Terry Cole-Whittaker a minister who founded an independent New Thought church in San Diego, California. I read this book several years ago and I have never forgotten the title.

Dr Wayne Dyer says "Needing approval is tantamount to saying, they are more important than me."Why is it that some of us believe that others generally know better? One way to look at this self defeating habit is to consider the amount of our present moments that are wasted trying to win approval from other people. There is nothing wrong with enjoying praise, but needing it to survive is not a healthy option.

Sometimes I don't think we are even aware whose approval we are actually seeking. We are so used to saying "they". "They say it should be done this way", "They say that's not right". Who are "they"? Are "they" smarter than us, wiser? "They" are not real; we have created them in order to mask our insecurities. Bishop M. Christopher Wilson is a Professional Speaker, Seminar Facilitator, Leadership Consultant and a Life & Spiritual Coach. On March 29 2008 he posted this on http://wilsonleadership.blogspot.com/:"YOU Don't Need Approval! News Alert: You can live without the approval of others! You will never truly love what you do if your need for approval from others becomes more important than enjoying what you're doing.

I preach because I love it! I write because I love it! Do what you do to be great in the eyes of God not men. This is when God can trust you with the desires of you heart."For the majority of us seeking approval stemmed from our parents and it is perfectly natural to want your parents to be proud of you, but sadly some of us received constant criticism and put-downs instead of the coveted accolades we so desperately needed while growing up.

We moved from home to school where as Dr Dyer puts it, "The student has been trained to do it for someone else, to please the professor, and to measure up to someone else's standards. His queries are the end product of a system that demands approval-seeking for survival. He is terrified of thinking for himself. It is just easier and safer to do what someone else expects."


I strongly believe in the value of education but schools are institutions where children learn about being controlled and obliging and to do as they are told at all times, so a low self esteem will go from a dysfunctional home to a place where he or she is not expected to be too individual. For a person who does not possess a high level of confidence, parents, and places like school, church and work can be where it is much easier to abandon thinking for oneself therefore making external opinions the only measure. Of course all these institutions are extremely valuable to society and a healthy self esteem should be able to balance between conforming to rules and independent thinking.

Marianne Williamson says in "A Return To Love" , "As children, we were taught to be "good " boys and girls, which of course implies we were no that already. We were taught that we're good if we clean up our room, or we're good if we make good grades. Very few of us were taught that we're essentially good. Very few of us were given a sense of unconditional approval, a feeling that we're precious because of what we are, not what we do. And that's not because we were raised by monsters. We were raised by people who were raised they way we were. Sometimes, in fact, it was the people who loved us the most who felt it was their responsibility to train us to struggle."

Our loved ones instilled fear in us, not because as Marianne says, they are evil, but because by attempting to teach us to be "good" and measure up to the external they instilled in us the fear of not being good enough. When I was around 18 I went shopping by myself and I noticed a pair of pink jeans (I know! They were trendy at the time!). I tried the jeans on and I loved them. I proceeded to the cashier in order to buy them when a thought stopped me on my tracks, "My friend Fiona will not like these..." and I immediately turned around and placed the pants back on the display stand. Right there I made someone else's opinion more important than my own.Why do we do that? Why can we not trust our own judgment? Why can we not trust ourselves? We are bombarded every day with messages about what we should be doing in our lives. Television is another great influencer.Who is the judge? How do we know when something is a mistake or when it is a valuable life lesson or a reason for consequence? Our ego is generally the decider. Let's begin caring about ourselves. We were created perfect. We are perfect. We stem form the Universe and that is perfect, just the way it is. Our actions and behaviours don't always come across as such, but how are we to judge if they are mistakes?
Imagine the freedom we would experience if we eliminated judgments and labels on our every thought and action. If our intent in this world is to do good, that should be enough.Lets us stop being so hard on ourselves. Let's allow the wonderful spirit that we are to shine without the masks. You see, at the end of the day you won't ever really know what others are thinking, because just like yours, their thoughts and feelings are truly personal. It is you who decides what he or she thinks about you. Next time you cringe at the idea of what another's opinion may be say this to yourself; "What this person thinks of me is none of my business, besides I don't even know what he or she is thinking."The Dalai Lama has several systems for training the mind to overcome anxiety such as always being motivated by altruism which will take the focus off yourself and observing as an outsider and ascertaining that your intent is always sincere and that you mean no harm.

If your intention in this life is to be the best you can be just as you are and you lend a hand to another soul every once in a while you are perfect.German classical Scholar and Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) once said, "Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'." It's time to tie "Ego" to a lamppost, walk away and be free, he'll always be there, but he does not have to go everywhere with you."A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval." (Mark Twain)Recommended reading • 365 Steps to Self Confidence by David Preston • The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence by Robert Anthony• What You Think of Me Is None of My Business by Terry Cole-Whittaker

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[Froggy_GaGa]

Done-With-It

I have been here to this site for over a year now but to scared to be a memeber everybody here seems really close. I have been reading yours posts, Chys posts , Ahalates and others, they are are always so good. Your posts always hit a special place with me but this one made me cry so hard and i never cry. I have been abused for so long and never even thought to think I could decide if I was worthy myself.
I have just listen and believe them for so long, I cut myself to blank them out, or whatever else i havr to do. I do almost all those things that you said up there. I worry when someone is mad at me or i cut myself or sometimes do drugs, and sometimes they arent even mad.
You said what they said doesnt matter but it does matter cause how do you stop hearing what they say, stop seeing what they did you probably wernt hurt that bad because when you are, it never stops. My friends tell me the same thing, it's okay and it makes me feel like no one understands. how do i not give them my power when they took it from me? how do i not think I am a slut when thats what they have made me? how do i not think no guy will ever be able to stand the site of me because i'm hoed up because i am.
You cant change the truth, that would be a lie. If it bothered you before and you say one thing just changed that, your just lying to yourself probably. And if not isnt that mean to not care what you r friends think?
I would rather care than not care, my friends care about me why should i not care about them anymore?
I am trying to understand how to do what you said, because i let everyone make me feel bad, sometimes i feel like the only time i will feel good again is when I die. I want to feel good before that. I laugh at school i dance at dances, i make people laugh, im a good friend, i put on the fake mask when i have to, so no one can see but inside it hurts. They did change me, how can I feel good again.
Thanks for this post Done with it, i never thought about thinking that i could think for myself if I am worth something, i just let everyone else decide for me and I believe what they say. This post made me think and realize that my days and moods depend on how others think about me.
I want them to be about me. That one other post you made around four months ago sort of like this helped me think. I go to another forum and I email your posts to another girl there, she reads some of your post too she has an anorexia bad and sorta bulimia but she is too afraid to talk about it.
i'll try and come back tomorrow, i have to come here during school or sneak on at a friends house.

Froggy G

[Froggy_GaGa]

I could not quote that other article or post two but I printed this last night it is sorta confusing but it helped me think or understand.

[Done-With-It!]

[quote=Froggy_GaGa;33395]Done-With-It

I have been here to this site for over a year now but to scared to be a memeber everybody here seems really close. I have been reading yours posts, Chys posts , Ahalates and others, they are are always so good.

Glad you joined us.

Your posts always hit a special place with me but this one made me cry so hard and i never cry. I have been abused for so long and never even thought to think I could decide if I was worthy myself.
I have just listen and believe them for so long, I cut myself to blank them out, or whatever else i havr to do.
According to your post your not blanking them out, they are still affecting you and you are still hurting yourself. The cutting just makes you feel worse and it lets you not look for healthier ways to deal with your problems. When we stop cutting, and whatever else we do, it FORCES us to look for other ways to deal. I have forced myself lately to do it, and
it is harder than I don't even know what, but I am actually solving my problems or some of them now. Not doing what I used to do, if I were cutting, I know what I would be doing, and I would be that much miserable. Think about it..... You can do anything you set your mind too.


I do almost all those things that you said up there. I worry when someone is mad at me or i cut myself or sometimes do drugs, and sometimes they arent even mad.
You said what they said doesnt matter but it does matter cause how do you stop hearing what they say, stop seeing what they did you probably wernt hurt that bad because when you are, it never stops.

I'm still figuring it out. But if you don't try, don't believe then it is never going to happen. Only you can make the changes you want. I finally had to break down and ask for help, which is the hardest thing for me to do.
And I've had my fair share of being hurt.


friends tell me the same thing, it's okay and it makes me feel like no one understands.
It will be okay, they aren't going to tell you it's the end of the world?
What do you need from them? What can they do that will help you?
I have the problem of expecting my friends to read my mind also,
but am slowly learning to ask or tell what I need or don't need.
If one person can't help you, ask someone else, keep reaching out till
you get what you need, have you been to therapy yet?


how do i not give them my power when they took it from me? how do i not think I am a slut when thats what they have made me? how do i not think no guy will ever be able to stand the site of me because i'm hoed up because i am.
Take your power back. You can do it right now. You are Not a slut, I'm not sure what or who you are talking about but people can and will tell you all kinds of things, does not mean it is true.
You asked how do you stop hearing what they say? You can start by not telling yourself these things. If you keep saying these things you are going to believe it. I've been there, done it. I believe whatever I tell myself.
You can go to therapy, read self help books, talk to people, go to forums,
Pandoras forum is an excellent one, but you have to work on it.


You cant change the truth, that would be a lie. If it bothered you before and you say one thing just changed that, your just lying to yourself probably.
Not lying just working on change. The truth is different for all of us.
And actually the truth changes. The truth I knew a few weeks ago,
was different than the truth I know now. When something hurts us or
bothers us we can dwell in it, cut ourselves, or whatever we do, but
we can also use that time as a challenge to figure things out. So you find ways to help yourself, you do what you need to do to make yourself stronger instead of weaker. So yea it still bothers me but I am learning from it and know what to do different next time, and I know I am a stronger person today.


And if not isnt that mean to not care what you r friends think?
I would rather care than not care, my friends care about me why should i not care about them anymore?
No, I care what my friends think as much as anyone, I care too much.
My problem has been I care m
ore about what they think than what I think.
That in itself can cause a lot of problems. People have the right to think what they want to think, so I let them, and will go on with my day.
I will love them just the same, whatever they think. Just because you don't care what your friends think, you give them the right to feel how they do, be who they are, does not mean you don't care.


I am trying to understand how to do what you said, because i let everyone make me feel bad, sometimes i feel like the only time i will feel good again is when I die.
No one can make you feel. You choose how you feel. I used to think I wouldn't feel good either until I died, and lately I've thought that too a few times. But you will feel good again, you have to deal with your problems,
it hurts and then it gets better. I never thought I would be this happy and at the same time, I've not been. But when you deal, you can still be happy. When you cut, when you tell yourself horrible things, you are not going to get there.


I want to feel good before that. I laugh at school i dance at dances, i make people laugh, im a good friend, i put on the fake mask when i have to, so no one can see but inside it hurts. They did change me, how can I feel good again.
Time to take your mask off, and start talking to someone about whoever
they is, Secrets keep us sick. The more you expose them, the less they hurt, the more they get out of your head. I've been in treatment, therapy, group, etc. and that is what they always say, if you want to get them or the pain or whatever it is out of your head, then talk to someone, let it out. If you don't it just gets bigger.

Thanks for this post Done with it, i never thought about thinking that i could think for myself if I am worth something, i just let everyone else decide for me and I believe what they say. This post made me think and realize that my days and moods depend on how others think about me.
I want them to be about me. That one other post you made around four months ago sort of like this helped me think. I go to another forum and I email your posts to another girl there, she reads some of your post too she has an anorexia bad and sorta bulimia but she is too afraid to talk about it.
i'll try and come back tomorrow, i have to come here during school or sneak on at a friends house.

Froggy G

Tell your friend to come over here. Check out Pandoras. Talk to people.
You were a victim, you don't have to be anymore, take your life back.

[Done-With-It!]

Ohhhh btw........

I LOVE your screen name and avatar, LOL

I'm a huge fan also.

We danced with her on stage a few weeks ago, it was awesome!