Weeding Out the You in You

[Done-With-It!]

May 11, 2009 by Lauren Jamison


Do you really know yourself? Are you lost in the weeds of what you think you want to be? What society thinks you should be? What your family and friends, boyfriend, boss, dog think you should be?One of the hardest tasks we have in life is reflecting on ourselves. It’s so easy to look around and choose people that you want to be like or imitate, and even those you want to be the complete opposite of, but how often do you push those ideas that you, society, stereotypes, and your loved ones place into your head to the side and focus on who you really are?


Not who you think you want to be. Who you, the person sitting there today in your computer chair are, separate from the distractions of your surroundings. When was the last time you thought about what you truly wanted, not what you think looks good or that someone else has? Have you ever been able to really say “oh that is so me?”


In high school I was associated with the “It” crowd. People literally hated me and talked about me behind my back without having ever spoken a word to me. In truth the only common ground I had with that crowd was that I played a lot of sports and had what some considered a pretty face.
When I went to college I found myself living with the “It” girls from a nearby rival high school from back home. I hardly knew them and fought against my personal grain to try to fit in with them. I went through friends and groups of friends after groups of friends for the next fours years all ending in harsh words, tears and silent treatments. I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep and wondering how I had ended up in those situations; what I had done wrong, why had they felt like they should treat me that way, and more than anything WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?!


After four years of tumultuous living situations I moved in with my Aunt. This was the turning point in my life. I separated myself from my “friends,” my apartment, my school and my so called life. One night when I was completely drained after trying to balance a 30 hour a week work schedule, my senior year of college finishing two degrees and a freelance writing job -I was practically in tears and my Aunt said to me, “why are you doing this to yourself? If you don’t want to do it, then don’t.
Don’t kill yourself for someone else.”


Her words hit me like a brick in the head. I finally realized my entire life I had been killing myself for someone else. For someone else that I thought I wanted or had to be. All those nights of wondering what was wrong with me were finally answered. There was nothing wrong with me. And there was nothing wrong with all of those other people. The truth was we had very different backgrounds, different interests, different personalities and different ways of thinking. It was ok that all those friendships hadn’t worked out the way I had hoped, because I was forcing them to happen. Friendships shouldn’t require so much effort that it outweighs the benefits.
From that point I made a pact with myself to just be myself. And at first it was lonely. Very lonely. I didn’t have a friend to call my own with the exception of my now fiancé and two friends I have known since kindergarten who lived two hours away. I focused on myself and my happiness. On the career I wanted to pursue that had nothing to do with the two degrees that I was completing. On buying my first home, which had been a dream of mine since I had received my first paycheck. On creating a life that I could be comfortable in, without drama and without stress.


The next summer I started my job at Belk, and a month later I bought my first house and out of nowhere I found three friends at work who made me so happy I could squeal, as well as an unplanned roommate who is now one of my best friends. I had finally learned not only how to be myself, but how to love myself.


And finally had friends who had experienced the true me and loved me in spite of it. I should also mention that within a year of leaving my Aunt’s, my boyfriend of three years proposed and I couldn’t have asked for more perfect timing. I loved him, I loved my friends, I loved my life and most importantly - I loved myself. Nothing can bring you more happiness than loving the life you are living.


In our lives we are bombarded with so many wants and desires and so many of them are driven by what society and our surroundings make us focus upon. We HAVE to get a boyfriend. We HAVE to get a good job. We HAVE to have a big wonderful group of friends. We HAVE to cut carbs and eat our veggies. The truth is everything we want and want to be in our lives starts with us.


And until we take the time to determine who we are, we can’t expect the rest of the world to fall into place. We can’t find a boyfriend who loves us, if we don’t even love ourselves. We can’t find friends who love us for everything we are, if we don’t know what and who we are. We can’t find a great job that is everything we’ve ever dreamed of, if we don’t take the time to figure out what we are passionate about and pursue it. We can’t even resist those tempting carbs, unless we define a health goal that caters to our personal needs and life.


Challenge yourself to spend a little alone time with yourself. Set aside your fears of being alone with nothing but your thoughts and learn to enjoy it. Write down your ambitions no matter how silly you think they are. Define who you are without mention of your career, your romantic status or where you live. Put together an inspiration board that shows what is important in your life, and what you want to pursue. Let yourself think about unhappy situations with friends and boyfriends and family and really examine them, searching for a better understanding of why it happened and what led you or the other person to that point in time. Find yourself in your past actions and future desires. And most importantly of all accept who you are and love it.


Here are my ambitions without inhibitions:
I am…I am not Lauren Jamison…yet. I don’t like to lose. I want to be rich, but not just in my bank account. I love the mountains and miss them terribly. I treat my dogs like they are my children. Clothes and fashion are my passions -which is why I didn’t let my irrelevant majors keep me from pursuing a career where I can work with them daily. I am trusting…of everyone, which I consider both a strength and a weakness. I care about everyone. I am emotional. I am in love. My family and extended family is my life. I am needy. I am strong…willed. I am opinionated, self assured, sensitive, dorky and extremely self aware. I can honestly say that I love myself. I am truly blessed and unconditionally grateful for the life God has given me. I am…

Lauren Jamison is a Marketing and Public Relations graduate from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, which didn’t stop her from pursuing her dream of working in fashion. She is currently employed at Belk, Inc.’s corporate office located in Charlotte, North Carolina where she is an Assistant Product Manager in activewear, and can now work with clothes daily. She treats her dogs like they are her children, has a weakness for Godiva truffles, and believes self realization is one of the most valuable assets a person can hold.

Photo by Hannah McBride. Hannah can be reached at hannahmcbridephotography@gmail.com

[Chy]

This is so good, thanks!