Sex can wait~~~~

[Velvet]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuyQVYWASms

[*silenced*]

I think she's got some really good points and it's great how she puts them across because some Christians campaining for chastity can be a bit pushy, if you know what I mean?
I mean, I sure wish I'd had a better attitude to sex, I remember we just didn't, care. At all, sex was just something you did with anyone, something that was totally impersonal and unimportant. Now, I know it's not the end of the world or anything but, it's a just a strange attitude for us to have towards it at such a young age. Sex was something, to use, like a tool to get what we wanted, be it money, drugs, emotional minipulation or just someone to care about us for a bit.
But I also think there is another side to it. Although it is a good idea to be careful where you tread when deciding about sex, due to STD's and emotional stuff too, I worry that if we all worry about sex too much, and tell all our young people they shouldn't be doing it (I'm not saying we are doing that at the moment everywhere, but in some places, that is the message) then the attitudes to sex will switch and be much too uptight, we'll loose all the liberation (especially as women) we gained in the 60's and 70's. I mean, sex is good! We shouldn't be telling people that it's not. It's a healthy, natual, beautiful thing but it can be minipulated and changed to become something quite disgusting, but I just think we have to make sure we know it can be good too and not focas on the bad points all the time.
I also think the relationships that she refers to in the video, like, real love, couple who love each other till they're old and grey can be achieved with a healthy sex life before marriage too.
I don't think sex has anything to do with marriage really. Marriage is just an official piece of paper, sex means to much more emotionally and physically. I think the desicion to have sex should be made on account of wether you are doing it for the right reasons, if you want to do it (and that's not just like, sexual need, I mean really wanting to do it with THAT person) and if you're ready to have sex.
And I don't even think that applies to just losing your virginity, but whenever you have sex with a new partner, be it in a relationship or a one night stand (which, if handled appropriatly, can be a good thing! I know it sounds morally worng etc... but something we need to vue sex for what it physically is).

[Velvet]

I hesitated to post this because of the Christianity things that she says, but her message is a good one. Sex can wait and sex is beautiful, but sex is also very dangerous now a days.

[SuicidalMe]

I don't think she pushes her Christiananity she just says how she feels and what shes gunnado.

I don't think having a one night stand is ever a good thing, which isn't really sex that would be conidered just XXXXing, not sex if we want to get real about sex. Having one night stands is stupid for girls it just brands you a slut, ho, whore, puts you at risk for diseases, having a baby, abortion, getting date raped later, you get a name, guys talk.
That's how it is round here anyway. I don't know anyone whose had a good time from having a one night stand not at my age neway.
Maybe when we are older but not yet, it's just a stupid thing to do.
I don't think everyone needs to wait till they are married but I don't think teenagers know what their right reasons are, most of us have sex when we are drunk, high, at a party, for peer pressure, cuz he says he loves us, if we loved him we would, we're in the moment, we're horny, on E, at a party, it seems like the right thing to do, we turned him on and then weren't allowed to say no, so that's not really rape right.
It seemed like the right thing to do, till the girl wakes up the next morning in tears, till his two minutes are over, till the ept turns blue, till he breaks up with her, till he gives her herpes and she can't get another boyfriend.
Sorry this is what I always see. Sex just doesn't seem too glamorous too me right now.
All the right reason I've seen have turned out to be bad, everyone ends up being hurt. Too many girls in my class have been raped, or had aboritons and babies. lots of girl have ended up cutting, and bulimic, anorexic, whatevernot, from having sex.
My mom talks to us all the time bout sex and what we think, shes cool bout that, my friends all come to my mom for advice bout it. My mom says if when i'm ready to come ot her to talk bout it. But it's all messed up.
I'll be keepin my vahooyee well protected not well educated.

[*silenced*]

Unless you've had a one night stand, I think it's hard to understand it, I didn't untill I did it. Untill you've have one, I wouldn't make a judgement, it's a personal thing, some people can deal with it, some people can't.

And just because it's a one night stand dosn't mean you don't still practise safe sex, I have always encouraged my friends and I have been in the past usually very cautious about that. Although, I do know girls who have had unwanted pregnancy's and STD's from one night stands, so you've got a point, but that's more to do with safe and unsafe sex rather than one night stands.
Getting date raped later? I'm confused? How does it do that?

I don't think one night stands are always a "stupid thing to do" I mean, if you understand and can deal with having sex, no strings attatched and can handle the consequences of it and practise safe sex, then I think it's down to personal choice really. Some people just think it's dirty and morally wrong, but some people desire no strings attacted sex, no relationship just sometimes, and perhaps that's right for them?
I never had one night stands for the right reasons, and I wasn't mature enough to handle the emotional part of it, and I got hurt a lot because of that, I can see that know, but I can also see that they could be healthy if handled sparadically, safely and maturely.

Jeez, you've got a pessamistic attitude towards it man!
This is what I mean, we're all so damn pessamistic about sex, sex is a beautiful, natural, ENJOYABLE thing!
I don't mean that everyone should sleep around just for kicks or anything, but we need to loosen up and understand our own bodies though don't we?
So that when you ARE ready, you can really enjoy it without any negative preconseptions.
Saying that, it's not as good as you expect it, sort of erm... dissapointing when compared to all the films and stories!
Ok, you're describing circumstances related to like, not using protection and having sex while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
And that's not...just sex.
I agree, I mean, when you're drunk or high or off your tits on some drug, you generally don't make the best choices, I know from personal experiance the sinking feeling in the morning, what the **** did I do, I was off my face last night, I made the wrong choice.
But honestly, all that, herpes, STD's, unwanted pregnancy, regret - it happens in relationships and in adulthood too.
Yeah, sex isn't that glamorus, I just think we shouldn't loose what sex really is. Intimacy between two people who love each other is powerful and beautiful and fun, and we're losing that to all this media, porn, STD's and bad desicions, we shouldn't lose it.

Sex isn't always a negative thing, when you make the wrong choice, it is. What, like 95% of the people I've had sex were a HUGE mistake, and I know I wasn't mature or sensible about how I went about it, but somethimes well, I thought, you gotta do what you gotta do, which was stupid, but well, I dunno. But that 5%, changes my whole attitude to it. Those beautiful mornings I would turn over and smile because of who I was lying next to, is too wonderful to forget, and it's something we musn't lose, because it's so natural, so intimate, it's way too real to forget and way to important for us teeangers to lose.
Free love from the 60's wasn't about hurting people, or spreading STD's or unwanted pregnancy, we were set free, to be happy rather than heart broken. We should use our liberties in this area to fulfil our lives rather than empty them of intimacy.

And, lol, good luck kids having sex on E cos well...there's a few technichal difficulties in the trouser department for guys when they're on E, if you know what I mean.
And warning for all girls, never to have sex while on Ecstasy, it can be very dangerous, women have died due to heart attacks (I mean, doing pills gives you this massive rush, it's orgasmic as it is, having an orgasm on pills is so intense, people just have a heart attack sometimes) and also you're abdominal muscles tense up when you're on e, and women can rupture and serously damage their internal muscles if they are penetrated while up on e.

[Velvet]

Originally Posted by *silenced*

Unless you've had a one night stand, I think it's hard to understand it, I didn't untill I did it. Untill you've have one, I wouldn't make a judgement, it's a personal thing, some people can deal with it, some people can't.

I hate to disagree with you silenced, but one night stands are a stupid thing to do, no matter what age you are.

And just because it's a one night stand dosn't mean you don't still practise safe sex, I have always encouraged my friends and I have been in the past usually very cautious about that. Although, I do know girls who have had unwanted pregnancy's and STD's from one night stands, so you've got a point, but that's more to do with safe and unsafe sex rather than one night stands.
Getting date raped later? I'm confused? How does it do that?

I think she means by having one night stands, you're putting yourself out there as "loose" and will do it with just about anyone. Then guys see you and maybe your drinking, using and they think you're an easy target. They forget that "no", might mean "no" tonight even though "no" might not have really be "no" the night before.

I don't think one night stands are always a "stupid thing to do" I mean, if you understand and can deal with having sex, no strings attatched and can handle the consequences of it and practise safe sex, then I think it's down to personal choice really. Some people just think it's dirty and morally wrong, but some people desire no strings attacted sex, no relationship just sometimes, and perhaps that's right for them?
I never had one night stands for the right reasons, and I wasn't mature enough to handle the emotional part of it, and I got hurt a lot because of that, I can see that know, but I can also see that they could be healthy if handled sparadically, safely and maturely.

I don't think there is a "right" reason to have a one night stand, other than you aren't thinking straight.

Jeez, you've got a pessamistic attitude towards it man!
This is what I mean, we're all so damn pessamistic about sex, sex is a beautiful, natural, ENJOYABLE thing!
I don't mean that everyone should sleep around just for kicks or anything, but we need to loosen up and understand our own bodies though don't we?
So that when you ARE ready, you can really enjoy it without any negative preconseptions.

One night stands, in my book, are the same as sleeping around just for kicks.

Saying that, it's not as good as you expect it, sort of erm... dissapointing when compared to all the films and stories!
Ok, you're describing circumstances related to like, not using protection and having sex while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
And that's not...just sex.
I agree, I mean, when you're drunk or high or off your tits on some drug, you generally don't make the best choices, I know from personal experiance the sinking feeling in the morning, what the **** did I do, I was off my face last night, I made the wrong choice.
But honestly, all that, herpes, STD's, unwanted pregnancy, regret - it happens in relationships and in adulthood too.
Yeah, sex isn't that glamorus, I just think we shouldn't loose what sex really is. Intimacy between two people who love each other is powerful and beautiful and fun, and we're losing that to all this media, porn, STD's and bad desicions, we shouldn't lose it.

Intimacy between two people who love each other is powerful and beautiful, but that is not a one night stand.

Sex isn't always a negative thing, when you make the wrong choice, it is. What, like 95% of the people I've had sex were a HUGE mistake, and I know I wasn't mature or sensible about how I went about it, but somethimes well, I thought, you gotta do what you gotta do, which was stupid, but well, I dunno. But that 5%, changes my whole attitude to it. Those beautiful mornings I would turn over and smile because of who I was lying next to, is too wonderful to forget, and it's something we musn't lose, because it's so natural, so intimate, it's way too real to forget and way to important for us teeangers to lose.
Free love from the 60's wasn't about hurting people, or spreading STD's or unwanted pregnancy, we were set free, to be happy rather than heart broken. We should use our liberties in this area to fulfil our lives rather than empty them of intimacy.

And, lol, good luck kids having sex on E cos well...there's a few technichal difficulties in the trouser department for guys when they're on E, if you know what I mean.
And warning for all girls, never to have sex while on Ecstasy, it can be very dangerous, women have died due to heart attacks (I mean, doing pills gives you this massive rush, it's orgasmic as it is, having an orgasm on pills is so intense, people just have a heart attack sometimes) and also you're abdominal muscles tense up when you're on e, and women can rupture and serously damage their internal muscles if they are penetrated while up on e.

Bottom line here, and what I wanted the girls to get from this video, is that sex can wait. Sex while high or drunk or ONE NIGHT STANDS are hurtful, dangerous and stupid.

[Chy]

Originally Posted by SuicidalMe

I don't think she pushes her Christiananity she just says how she feels and what shes gunnado.

I don't think having a one night stand is ever a good thing, which isn't really sex that would be conidered just XXXXing, not sex if we want to get real about sex. Having one night stands is stupid for girls it just brands you a slut, ho, whore, puts you at risk for diseases, having a baby, abortion, getting date raped later, you get a name, guys talk.
That's how it is round here anyway. I don't know anyone whose had a good time from having a one night stand not at my age neway.
Maybe when we are older but not yet, it's just a stupid thing to do.
I don't think everyone needs to wait till they are married but I don't think teenagers know what their right reasons are, most of us have sex when we are drunk, high, at a party, for peer pressure, cuz he says he loves us, if we loved him we would, we're in the moment, we're horny, on E, at a party, it seems like the right thing to do, we turned him on and then weren't allowed to say no, so that's not really rape right.
It seemed like the right thing to do, till the girl wakes up the next morning in tears, till his two minutes are over, till the ept turns blue, till he breaks up with her, till he gives her herpes and she can't get another boyfriend.
Sorry this is what I always see. Sex just doesn't seem too glamorous too me right now.
All the right reason I've seen have turned out to be bad, everyone ends up being hurt. Too many girls in my class have been raped, or had aboritons and babies. lots of girl have ended up cutting, and bulimic, anorexic, whatevernot, from having sex.
My mom talks to us all the time bout sex and what we think, shes cool bout that, my friends all come to my mom for advice bout it. My mom says if when i'm ready to come ot her to talk bout it. But it's all messed up.
I'll be keepin my vahooyee well protected not well educated.

You are very wise beyond your years! Great post!

I have yet to meet a person who felt really great and wonderful about a one-night stand.. I had a couple when younger and was always left feeling ashamed of myself.

[SuicidalMe]

No, I don't have a 'pessimistic' attitude towards sex, or I'm not trying to. Just trying to not have a kid, and stay clear of any diseases, and not get hurt, there's no way I can find out if someone has aids, or any other disease if it's a one night stand or if I'm ready to have sex in one day, hell I can't even decide if I want to cut myself with a razor blade or a piece of glass that I find on the street or keep my food down, how am I supposed to decide if I'm ready to have sex, I just don't think if I'm slicing my arms, stomach and legs open I'm ready to have sex, and when I see my friends throwing up, cutting, doing drugs, getting diseases, having babies, crying, fighting, anything but happy because they had sex, I just don't see how that 5% percent chance is worth it. So I'm sticking with my Vagina Monolog. When I'm ready for sex it will be a beatiful thing, I'm sure of it. I won't ever let anyone hurt me now that I have control. It aint going to happen like that.

[Velvet]

Remember that everyone has their own views and opinions, which is fine.

[*silenced*]

I think there are situations where sex is a need and an animalistic action, and where perhaps one wouldn't WANT a relationship, and perhaps some people want that, and if they practise safe sex and can handle being intimate with someone and not getting attatched if that is their aim, then well, I think that's alright if that's what both of the people want. People should do what they want if it dosn't hurt themselves or someone else and if that is the case (which, I agknowloedge, usually isn't) in a one night stand then I think that's ok.

Yeah, and that is honestly sensible of you and I really think it'd be awsome if all teenagers had such a mature attitude towards sex. And I wish I'd had that attitude and been more careful (thank God I've changed now eh, still, sort of strangley miss it, the intimacy I mean, nevermind!)
But what I was trying to say was like, not all sex causes unwanted pregnancy and eating disorders and STD's you know! If you use contraception and decide maturley about sex, then it can be a good thing, that's what I was trying to say.
Like, we shouldn't lose the good sex can do in a relationship through all this **** that's happened to our friends and all these horrible stories of STD's...etc, that's all!
What I meant by the 5% thing is like, an example of how yes, I've had bad experiances with sex but because of that happiness caused by that 5%, I can still see the beauty of it, even though I have had an abortion and been raped and abused and I have had an eating disorder and a drug addiction and had one night stands and had an STD's and seen someone I love go through HIV and felt used and hurt and abused because of the mistakes I've made regarding sex, so I do know what I'm talking about, and I can STILL say, that sometimes sex is a good thing, when in the right situation it's a beautiful thing and that I worry that teenagers (not you, I;m reffering to our general generation) will forget that and carry all this baggage and pre-conceptions of sex to adulthood and then not be fulfilled sexually and may not have such a healthy sex life. But well, it could swing both ways I guess.

[pedagogue]

Sex is quite the double edged sword. I think people too often do it for the wrong reasons (peer pressure, to feel more like an adult, under the influence of alcohol/drugs/etc). Sex by itself isn't inherently good or bad....but the how, when, and with whom is what makes a difference.

In the US we have a pretty skewed view of sex, and unfortunately it doesn't get better with age. It can be a great thing in the right circumstances, but often it happens in not the best circumstances, and it can really leave a lasting impression that we carry with us. I think the anticipation can really skew the way we think about it. Sex can be a great thing between two people, but it automatically complicates things once it happens. Whether you are in a lasting and committed relationship, or if it is more casual, it changes things.

One of the things that scares me about teenagers today is the misinformation about sex. If you are thinking about it.....PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure you educate yourself. I'm not talking about just talking to your friends about it, but also finding out about safety issues from trusted places like Planned Parenthood or your medical doctor.

There seems to be a rush to be an adult....but being an adult comes with adult responsibilities, and sex has its own responsibilities. Whatever you decide, make sure it is for the right reasons and it is the right time for you, because things only get more complicated afterwards.

-p

[Chy]

Nice Ped's!! Thanks.

[Velvet]

I second that, Ped...what Chy said. Thank you.

[SuicidalMe]

Originally Posted by Velvet

Let's remember that everyone has their own views and opinions, which is fine. Just think before you type and re-read your post before hitting that reply button.
I'm not saying that anyone said anything right or wrong, but I want this to be a young adult type conversation.

i take it you read my other post, i do try and think. U know adults tell you say what you think andfeel and then when you do its wrong or never good enough. This is why Ill will never give up cutting or my bulimia nothing i say is ever right jist forget it i'mnot coming back neway. Im not writing an essay so why do i need to sit here an think about what i say over and over before I say it, it's better to jist keep everything in if I need to think about it before I say it and then reread it after I sayit anlyze it, oh forget it. screw all that. i'm sick of worryin all the time bout what i say, i hate it. this is why I HATE adlut forums. dont wrory i'm not coming bak, so saveit. i ready know i have issues u dont need 2 tell me then ban me. go figure that much.

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by SuicidalMe

i take it you read my other post, i do try and think. U know adults tell you say what you think andfeel and then when you do its wrong or never good enough. This is why Ill will never give up cutting or my bulimia nothing i say is ever right jist forget it i'mnot coming back neway. Im not writing an essay so why do i need to sit here an think about what i say over and over before I say it, it's better to jist keep everything in if I need to think about it before I say it and then reread it after I sayit anlyze it, oh forget it. screw all that. i'm sick of worryin all the time bout what i say, i hate it. this is why I HATE adlut forums. dont wrory i'm not coming bak, so saveit. i ready know i have issues u dont need 2 tell me then ban me. go figure that much.

Sweetie I think I know why you wrote this post, I had to read this a few times, but I don't think the poster was replying to you. I think maybe we ALL need to
REREAD what we are posting, because I don't think it was meant towards You in general. If it was I don't see why it was. I think your posts 'were' well written and don't see anything wrong with them. I agree with Chy you are wise beyond your years.
You don't need to analyze yourself before you write, and you don't need to read and reread your posts you do just fine. And you do NEED to give up your cutting and bulimia some day, so you just keep on doing what you are doing and you'll be fine, and your not going anywhere so just relax would ya. omg, your not getting banned so get over it..And you don't hate adult forums cuz this isn't an adult forums you just hate stressing out, so stop stressing out cause it's all good.

[Velvet]

**