Ouch.

[Endorphin]

I wish my mind went faster then it could go so that i couldn't slow down to dwell on any of the emotions that flood my mind. A.D.D isn't enough.

Meth where r u? stupid texas....

Really tho what should i do to help my self wit dis?

[heather]

I'm sorry you are feeling so terrible. I know it feels so bad, but it is better than feeling nothing at all. I don't use, but I think that it might end up being worse after you have come down off your high. You can check out some of that impulse log stuff, it has helped me before. I know it sounds dumb, but sometimes it helps me to sing myself nursery rhymes or simple songs (like "Row, Row, Row Your Boat") just to get your mind off of stuff. Just try to do what you can to keep yourself busy, and your mind off of everything. Try something you love to do like listen to music or exercise. Try to find ways to express yourself with some kind of art or writting, maybe. Try to just take a deep breathe and think about what is really wrong and if you can fix it. See if there is a simple solution, or if there is nothing you can do try not to let it eat you away. You can go to someone you trust to try to get their insight or opinion on the mattter. Think of what you want and try to think of the steps to getting it. Maybe one of these will help you. Good luck, I hope it gets better.

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by Endorphin

I wish my mind went faster then it could go so that i couldn't slow down to dwell on any of the emotions that flood my mind. A.D.D isn't enough.

Meth where r u? stupid texas....

Really tho what should i do to help my self wit dis?

They don't sell meth in Texas.


Try running or writing down all these thoughts that are going on in your head,
if you go running, it's going to produce the same thing that cutting does,
lol, endorphins..
Really though it might slow your mind down, it helps me alot and it stops me from cutting esp. when I know it would be really bad if I did cut then. Those are the times when you sometimes just need to do something to stop yourself.
I know you don't like to write feeling stuff so just tear it up when your done.

Meth is going to help for a minute and then you are going to need more, and then you are going to feel even more crazier, and by then you will be cutting anyway, and then you have to come down or do more meth, and by that time any good effects it gave you are gone, and you've just made yourself feel 100X's worse than you did before you started it.

I know how frustating the racing thoughts and the ADD can be, I was just talking to my doctor today about it. It's enough to make you feel crazy sometimes, and I know cutting stops all of that, but it only works for a minute.
Running lasts all day, or for a long time, or something physical.

But it is hard because it's those things that also do help with the ADD.
But meth isn't going to help.....
You know how you end up feeling on meth, as well as I do, it always leads
to hell......

And maybe try running, writing, or something phsyical.
The running will help you,, I am pretty sure, whether you are mad, upset, overwhelmed, whatever it is, it helps. Try it.

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by heather

I'm sorry you are feeling so terrible. I know it feels so bad, but it is better than feeling nothing at all. I don't use, but I think that it might end up being worse after you have come down off your high. You can check out some of that impulse log stuff, it has helped me before. I know it sounds dumb, but sometimes it helps me to sing myself nursery rhymes or simple songs (like "Row, Row, Row Your Boat") just to get your mind off of stuff. Just try to do what you can to keep yourself busy, and your mind off of everything. Try something you love to do like listen to music or exercise. Try to find ways to express yourself with some kind of art or writting, maybe. Try to just take a deep breathe and think about what is really wrong and if you can fix it. See if there is a simple solution, or if there is nothing you can do try not to let it eat you away. You can go to someone you trust to try to get their insight or opinion on the mattter. Think of what you want and try to think of the steps to getting it. Maybe one of these will help you. Good luck, I hope it gets better.

Some really good stuff in here!!

[Endorphin]

Originally Posted by Done-With-It!

They don't sell meth in Texas.
The hell They f'n better >.>
Try running or writing down all these thoughts that are going on in your head,
if you go running, it's going to produce the same thing that cutting does,
lol, endorphins..
Really though it might slow your mind down, it helps me alot and it stops me from cutting esp. when I know it would be really bad if I did cut then. Those are the times when you sometimes just need to do something to stop yourself.
I know you don't like to write feeling stuff so just tear it up when your done.

Whats with you guys and runnin man i hate running it makes me feel like im runnin from the damn police or something lol. which i equally hate as much as running.

Meth is going to help for a minute and then you are going to need more, and then you are going to feel even more crazier, and by then you will be cutting anyway, and then you have to come down or do more meth, and by that time any good effects it gave you are gone, and you've just made yourself feel 100X's worse than you did before you started it.

Possibley Maybe. But id rather feel worse then feel this. Maybe if i felt worse id actually be able to kill my self instead of this gay bullcrap of bouncing back and forth from feeling ****ty to good to ****y to even worse and back to ****ty.

I know how frustating the racing thoughts and the ADD can be, I was just talking to my doctor today about it. It's enough to make you feel crazy sometimes, and I know cutting stops all of that, but it only works for a minute.
Running lasts all day, or for a long time, or something physical.


My doctor also mentioned something interesting to me, he was talking about my medication, but... He could have been talking about meth, because it's like the same feeling anyway.
He said I was on too much medication, and he was explaining all my meds to me,
and he said too much of a good thing is not always good. The meds I am taking only are releasing something,(I forgot) and if you already have anxiety that can be a deadly mixture.
(It was something like that)

Ah....*confusled*

So if you are like you are, and you add meth to what you are doing, it's the same thing, the brain will go from happy to a state of stress, panic, worry all the time, and then that can lead to the suicidal stuff or make you think your going crazy.

I see..

But it is hard because it's those things that also do help with the ADD.
But meth isn't going to help..... Not true.
You know how you end up feeling on meth, as well as I do, it always leads
to hell......Hell? the mind state im in 24/7 is hell twice over. If Hell normal is what ill get then hell is what i'll take. ADD is not my only issue here i took meds for it once and i still felt ****ed over(though this was LONG ago. like 4years ago. they helped alot Sure but my depression was still alive and well. Even when on meth during those few minutes of greatness yea i still hurt. nothing helps..all they do is calm it down.

Have you thought about going to see anyone to try medication?

Not gonna happen. My aunt here doesn't believe theres anything wrong with me, Had i stayed in cali alittle longer(10days) id have got meds and Therapy. What a gay trade off huh?

Sometimes it can really help.... That is a good thing to think about instead of
doing meth. And try running, writing, or something phsyical.
The running will help you,, I am pretty sure, whether you are mad, upset, overwhelmed, whatever it is, it helps. Try it.

Writing..ugh...running ugh....Working out Well eh i dun got any weights to use over here all i can do is just pushups and situps and pull ups. :X which i do daily and it doesn't help >.>

i do consider what you tell me and i will attempt to run abit other then that..its all i can do. i don't like to write because all it does is have me go thru everything again and slow me down to think about what im writing and then i feel it all over again. if i write id prolly end up cutting how i do these posts is beyond me but don't misunderstand After i post this ima prolly feel like **** not that i wasn't feelin ****ty already. Yea so anyway...back to the nothingness.

[Done-With-It!]

They don't sell meth in Texas.
The hell They f'n better >.>
Whatever. I know you don't want to get all caught up in that stuff again, and you know it just as well..

Try running or writing down all these thoughts that are going on in your head,
if you go running, it's going to produce the same thing that cutting does,
lol, endorphins..
Really though it might slow your mind down, it helps me alot and it stops me from cutting esp. when I know it would be really bad if I did cut then. Those are the times when you sometimes just need to do something to stop yourself.
I know you don't like to write feeling stuff so just tear it up when your done.

Whats with you guys and runnin man i hate running it makes me feel like im runnin from the damn police or something lol. which i equally hate as much as running.Wel


Well you could always try and deal with your feelings instead??


Meth is going to help for a minute and then you are going to need more, and then you are going to feel even more crazier, and by then you will be cutting anyway, and then you have to come down or do more meth, and by that time any good effects it gave you are gone, and you've just made yourself feel 100X's worse than you did before you started it.

Possibley Maybe. But id rather feel worse then feel this. Maybe if i felt worse id actually be able to kill my self instead of this gay bullcrap of bouncing back and forth from feeling ****ty to good to ****y to even worse and back to ****ty.

Your life is much more valuable than trying to kill yourself. I just read a thing about a guy who tried to kill himself late last night, I'm going to post it later.
People forget how much other people really do care.

This stuff will pass, it will get better, trust me...
Part of why you feel so bad is because your not dealing with any problems so they have no where to go but stay inside your head, and your body, that is enough to make you feel suicidal. Once you are ready and you start to deal with your issues, believe it or not you are going to start feeling some relief.
That IS how this game works.
You can only take so much before it's too much.
The way you are feeling, the suicidal feelings, the numbness, the wanting to do meth, etc. is your brain and body's way of telling you something isn't right, and that it wants you to deal with your issues. When you do, things will get better.
But it doesn't stay this way forever.

It's almost like if you touch a stove it burns but not forever, but you move your hand because your brain tells you, Damn that's hot!! It doesn't feel good.

These bad feelings are in a way the same type of message, but once you take some action and Move, they will go away, heal, and get better.

You just have to decide how long you want to keep your hand on the stove...

I

But it is hard because it's those things that also do help with the ADD.
But meth isn't going to help..... Not true.
You know how you end up feeling on meth, as well as I do, it always leads
to hell......Hell? the mind state im in 24/7 is hell twice over. If Hell normal is what ill get then hell is what i'll take. ADD is not my only issue here i took meds for it once and i still felt ****ed over(though this was LONG ago. like 4years ago. they helped alot Sure but my depression was still alive and well. Even when on meth during those few minutes of greatness yea i still hurt. nothing helps..all they do is calm it down.

You've never been in a safe environment, you've never been given the chance to feel safe or not hurt. So it's normal what you are feeling.

Have you thought about going to see anyone to try medication?

Not gonna happen. My aunt here doesn't believe theres anything wrong with me, Had i stayed in cali alittle longer(10days) id have got meds and Therapy. What a gay trade off huh?

What about your uncle?? Can you talk to him?
Does your aunt know about the cutting?

What is this deal about the 10 days?

Sometimes it can really help.... That is a good thing to think about instead of
doing meth. And try running, writing, or something phsyical.
The running will help you,, I am pretty sure, whether you are mad, upset, overwhelmed, whatever it is, it helps. Try it.

Writing..ugh...running ugh....Working out Well eh i dun got any weights to use over here all i can do is just pushups and situps and pull ups. :X which i do daily and it doesn't help >.>


i do consider what you tell me and i will attempt to run abit other then that..its all i can do. i don't like to write because all it does is have me go thru everything again and slow me down to think about what im writing and then i feel it all over again. if i write id prolly end up cutting how i do these posts is beyond me but don't misunderstand After i post this ima prolly feel like **** not that i wasn't feelin ****ty already. Yea so anyway...back to the nothingness. __________________

I do know what you mean about writing, I thought the same thing when I was forced to start writing, and I hated it.

But getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper is almost like giving them to someone else to deal with.... In some ways you feel like they aren't yours anymore, because it slows them down....
Gets them out of your head, try it... If for anything to say I told yoiu so.
And if it makes you feel like cutting instead, stop and pm me instead.

[Velvet]

I would be straight with your Aunt and Uncle. Tell them everything and then see if they could get you into counseling and that would lead to getting you on some kind of meds. It may not be something you want to do, but it's a hell of alot better than doing a line.

[Endorphin]

Originally Posted by Velvet

I would be straight with your Aunt and Uncle. Tell them everything and then see if they could get you into counseling and that would lead to getting you on some kind of meds. It may not be something you want to do, but it's a hell of alot better than doing a line.

Easier said then done. i don't tell anyone anything never have never will...i been thinkin about it and i think sometime this up coming week ima just O/D on sleeping pills Shouldn't kill me but it will **** me up Maybe then without words they'll realise that i do need..and very much so want help. If it does kill me ill at least feel nothing. i hope i don't die though Theres alot of stuff i still wanna do.

[Chy]

I sent you a pm E... *hugs*

[Velvet]

E, please don't harm yourself in any way. Please talk with your aunt and uncle. It's the best solution. Do it behind a door, if you can't face them or let someone else do the talking for you. Please.

[Endorphin]

Man, **** i dun even wanna wake a week wth should i wait for anyway no matter what the **** happens in the next week ima still feel the same god damn way As ive felt for a ****in long ass time. I think i deserve abit of a break god damnit. i wanna do this **** right now. ima go cut for awhile if i feel better maybe ill post back if not then Yea.

[Chy]

All this crap in your head is your addict brain trying to beat you down. It's the nature of the disease we all know to well. If you hurt yourself your letting the drugs the disease win. Who is in charge of your life as bad as it hurts right now? Will cutting help? Maybe, but it will be there when done. Talk to your aunt and tell her what's going on or if you want me to, I will... we hate seeing you in so much pain, we hate seeing you hurt yourself to make it better, we hate the fact we can't be there in person for you but we're here and will do our best to help. This has been going on a long time and you self medicate with drugs and cutting. If we could help find you someone to talk to like a counselor would you go? No one should go through this alone.

[Velvet]

E, my daughter is in the same place as you are. She has tried it all to make the pain go away. It's still there when you wake up. The pain doesn't go away until you have help. My son cuts to relieve pain. He is now in therapy and is on meds. I forced him into it, but he is glad he goes. He is much better in just 3 months time. He hasn't cut since he's started the meds. You need help to communicate the pain, and that's ok. Let Chy help you communicate what you need. She could talk to them, you could be right there listening or shut up in a room, not listening. Chy will make the call the way you want it to happen. But please let someone help you. Miss Done is at work and I have to leave to go to work now. Do you know how we feel? Leaving you in a time where you need someone the most? We feel low, like crap, like we are abandoning you. I don't beg, but I'm begging you to let Chy make that call. Miss Done sees something good and positive in you. Don't let yourself down.......talk, now.

[Chy]

I'll be hanging out here all day if you need me E... just keep talking to us okay?

[Endorphin]

Well It helped for a minute ._. i had to try. but really tho no ones here anyway not for another 2hrs. i feel the same though..i dun like feelin like dis, Hey did i tell you my mom is gonna have a girl? that maens ill have a lil sister that would never have met her brother. Weird.

[Endorphin]

i wanna tell my aunt when she gets here But i dunno how..or what to say

[Endorphin]

Guess ill talk to you guys later or nmaybe not who knows. Hopefully i can talk to her if not then idk...

[Chy]

Just tell her there is something you really need to talk to her about and have no one else there to talk to would she please listen.... let us know how it goes.

[Velvet]

E, did you talk to your aunt?
I'm sure your "sisterontheway" will meet her handsome, smart older brother, one find day. Just think, you'll be there for her when she's ready to do all the grown up things. You'll be able to help her make good decisions, to advise her, to listen while she talks about her problems and her joys. Most important, you'll be there to hug and love her. Don't give up on life, E.

[Done-With-It!]

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