Ouch.

[Done-With-It!]

Did you talk to her yet? Where are you? I know how hard this is for you.
I went through this same thing a few years ago. I had my taste of speed
and I felt normal for the first time in my life. Then I stopped doing it
for a long long time, and I was back to the same thing.

I got to the point of no sleep for days and days, and my brain wouldn't shut
down, I was cutting like crazy, and I was off the wall suicidal just like you.
I had No idea who to tell or what to do. I was doing crazy things because
I didn't know what to do, scarring the hell out of people, I was testing my
life with fate, but people couldn't read my mind as much as I wanted them
to, they just didn't understand or they didn't know what to do.
I kept thinking if they cared they would know, wouldn't they? How
freaking obvious do I have to be? And then see...!!!?? I was proving no one cared
about me??,Right? so I could go ahead with it. It's a game we play we play with ourself
when we aren't thinking right.
And people around us usually don't know what to do, it's not that they don't care,
or they still just don't get how much pain you are in, no matter how hard you
try and "Show" them.

I finally figured that out... I don't know how I did it, but I just took some deep
breaths walked to my landlords house (whose a good friend) and when he
opened the door, I didn't give myself a chance, I just said, I can't do it anymore.

That's all I had to say..... He helped me with the rest, once I started talking stuff came out, and even though I didn't know what to do, they all figured it out for me, and then I was able to help myself.

So if you haven't talked to them yet and your reading this, just go and do it.....
All you have to do is say, I need help, or I'm not okay, or I'm in trouble,
or I am going to kill myself and I need help. Trust me that will wake them up really fast.....

Let us know how you are doing.

Have you ever been to a graveyard? Have you ever seen a casket? Well you picture your little brother and sister trying to talk to that and deal with that,
do you not think that they won't be in this same situation in a few years?
It would destroy them, so if you can't fight for yourself right now, You fight for them, because if you don't you will destroy them.
Suicide is permanent.... You will never ever see them again....

All you have to do is say I need help and I need it now, and if that does not work, like I said you tell them your going to kill yourself if you do not get help now.
Or if you don't want to deal with them, walk into any ER and tell them that, and they will get you help, and they will deal with your aunt and uncle.

I couldn't deal with my Mom when I went into the hosp. or even tell her I was suicidal, I made everyone lie, until she figured it out and then I just said, I'm not dealing with her, someone else needs too. And that is exactly what happened.
And it all worked out.

If you need help let us know, we'll do what we can.

[Chy]

E ... don't make me come hunt you down in San Antonio, I can be there in 7 hours ya know! Or one if I fly! Check in yeah?

[Velvet]

hey, E, today a good day for you? Did you talk? Come on, at least talk to us.

[Done-With-It!]

I'm going to
give
Chy
the
Go-Ahead
to come and
find you
if you don't check
in Very Soon

[Velvet]

E, you dont want three crazy ladies outside your door, now do you? It would be much safer to go ahead and talk with your aunt.

[heather]

Hey, I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. Believe it or not I know what you are going through. You feel like you don't want to die, but you want to come as close as you can? You think it will get you the help you are to affriad to ask for? You think it will keep you from feeling.? And you're right it will. But not for long. It is a quick fix just like cutting. It will wear off, and you will have to use it again and again. You will have to use more and more. Know matter how little it starts to work, you will do it because you expect it to make everything better. That is addiction: doing the same thing over and over agian and expecting miricule results. It will only make it worse. Please try to not get to caught up. If it helps to write down what you want to say and give it to your Aunt, do it. I know you don't like to write, but this is a little different. Instead of spilling your guts, you just have to say enough to stress how important help is. Just say soemthng like,"I don't want to go into the details, but I really need to see a shrink." They have to listen to someting like that. Help will be a good way to sort out all the thougths and feelings you are going through. Nothing I can say can chane your mind, so please make the desision. You can talk to me if it will help, cottoncandy9o9. It is an AIM account or you can talk to me through this site. You can do it, no matter how bad you screw up, it is always another chance to pick yourself back up. Good luck with everything.

[Done-With-It!]

We Are Still Leaving the Light on For You
Hoping you are Safe and Getting Help.

[Endorphin]

Hey guys Sup, i haven't had a chance to get online because i had to get stitchs an stuff. I didn't talk to her >.> couldn't really bring my self to it Other then the whole "My **** won't stop bleeding and it looks pretty ****ed Can i get stitchs?" *cough* i dunno what to post atm, but i readin ur posts And ill post back later ima go shower. ttyl

[Chy]

I'm so glad to see you we were so worried!!!!

[Velvet]

[annihilate_me]

It's always good to hear from you. Take Care and STAY SAFE!!!!

Amanda.

[heather]

It is good to hear you are okay. You had to get stitches? I hope you are doing alright. And I hope youo find a time or a way to comunicate your needs with your aunt. I hope everything else is okay. We are all here for you!

[Done-With-It!]

JUST SENDING YOU SOME LIGHT