ohmigod what is wrong with me!!!???!!!

[dont cry for me]

im sorry if this doesnt make sense, i need to try and word it right.something is definetely wrong with me. most girls my age have done something with boys but no matter how much i want to, or how ready i am, i get too nervous and have to stop!ill start at the beginning just to explain better.basically i started goin out with this guy a few weeks ago, and i really liked him. then we went out once and after it i felt really depressed and ill. we didnt even do anything though and i didnt (and still dont) understand what happened to make my feelings completely change!i decided that i obviously didnt like him, so i split up with him. and after that i felt much better, so i assumed i was over him.he still really liked me (maybe a lot more than i liked him), but then he started talking to my friends (mostly about me), but then decided a good way to get over me would be to tell my best friend that he liked her!!!what made it worse was that she kinda liked him, but told him nothing could happen. but then she asked me if i would be ok if something did happen between them. i didnt want to say no because i know she really wants a boyfriend, but at the same time i knew that if they went out it would really upset me. in the end i told her that i didnt want to be selfish, but i would really rather she didnt go out with him. she took it well though and wasnt upset by it.but then the same thing happened between him and my other friend!!! and we decided to trick him by seeing what would happen if friend 1, friend 2, and i all asked him out at the same time (we were all on msn). and to friend 2 he said "ill have to think about it" but before friend 1 could ask, he told me about friend 2 and then admitted that he only said he liked friend 1 to try and get over me. my friend was so hurt by that and i stopped talking to him for ages because im loyal to my friends no matter what.he still like me though lol (bear with me, the stories almost over)and i unblocked him a while ago because he was talking to everyone about me, and id rather he said it to my face.i told him about how anxious i get (and iv noticed its mostly around men), and he decided to try and help me through it. so we met up. but as soon as we were together, i got nervous and i had to leave. it wasnt as if we were alone, we were in a public place, and i trust him. but i was so nervous!!!i dont no whats wrong with me. nothings ever happened to make me anxious around men, and i wish i wasnt like this, because its making me worry that ill be alone for the rest of my life (i may be exagerating a bit but its worrying me). its also making my self harming a lot worse because its depressing me so much.

[dont cry for me]

ok iv re read it and i no its hard to read

[Kellie]

I have to run out, but wanted to let you know that I read your post and will give it some thought and will get back to you...

hugs, later...
Kel

[dont cry for me]

thanku

[pink_lucie]

please use paragraphs :(

[dont cry for me]

i did but wen i posted it they disappeared... my comp was bein weird that day tho and was shuttin stuff down so ill blame it on that.

[dont cry for me]

im sorry if this doesnt make sense, i need to try and word it right.

something is definetely wrong with me. most girls my age have done something with boys but no matter how much i want to, or how ready i am, i get too nervous and have to stop!

ill start at the beginning just to explain better.basically i started goin out with this guy a few weeks ago, and i really liked him. then we went out once and after it i felt really depressed and ill. we didnt even do anything though and i didnt (and still dont) understand what happened to make my feelings completely change!

i decided that i obviously didnt like him, so i split up with him. and after that i felt much better, so i assumed i was over him.

he still really liked me (maybe a lot more than i liked him), but then he started talking to my friends (mostly about me), but then decided a good way to get over me would be to tell my best friend that he liked her!!!what made it worse was that she kinda liked him, but told him nothing could happen. but then she asked me if i would be ok if something did happen between them. i didnt want to say no because i know she really wants a boyfriend, but at the same time i knew that if they went out it would really upset me. in the end i told her that i didnt want to be selfish, but i would really rather she didnt go out with him. she took it well though and wasnt upset by it.

but then the same thing happened between him and my other friend!!! and we decided to trick him by seeing what would happen if friend 1, friend 2, and i all asked him out at the same time (we were all on msn). and to friend 2 he said "ill have to think about it" but before friend 1 could ask, he told me about friend 2 and then admitted that he only said he liked friend 1 to try and get over me. my friend was so hurt by that and i stopped talking to him for ages because im loyal to my friends no matter what.

he still like me though lol (bear with me, the stories almost over)and i unblocked him a while ago because he was talking to everyone about me, and id rather he said it to my face.

i told him about how anxious i get (and iv noticed its mostly around men), and he decided to try and help me through it. so we met up. but as soon as we were together, i got nervous and i had to leave. it wasnt as if we were alone, we were in a public place, and i trust him. but i was so nervous!!!

i dont no whats wrong with me. nothings ever happened to make me anxious around men, and i wish i wasnt like this, because its making me worry that ill be alone for the rest of my life (i may be exagerating a bit but its worrying me). its also making my self harming a lot worse because its depressing me so much.

[Dreamz]

Oh Hun, sounds ike it really is getting you down.

First off,this guy doesn't sound like he's got it together much, I think you'd be better off without him. If using another girl to make himself feel better bout a relationship or in your case the break-up of a relationship - besides being cruel, he obviously can't deal with all that much. It's not a very nice thing to do. I have had it happen t me . 1 guy using me to get back at another girl and in the end I realised he was just a coward who didn'tcare about anyone elses feelingsbut his own.

Secondly...When I was 18, I had a boyfriend of about 2 years. We weren't having sex because we went to a Christian school that frowned upon sex before marrige, which was good because I was too scared anyway. I was scared that I wouldn't know what to do or it would hurt, or something would go wrong. I pretended like I didn't want to have sex before I was married because I knew my boyfriend wouldn't pressure me if that was y reason but the truth was I was terrified. After I broke up with him, I got scared of guys completely because I thought that everyone else my age was doing it and I would never find a guy that would take it slow with me and wait tilI completely trust him and felt ready for it.

So I kinda stoped seeing guys all together. When we went out I would only goto gay clubs because the gay boys loved me but I never had to worry about being anything more than friends. I used to lie awake at night wishing that I was like those other girls, thinking that I would end upallalone with no man in my life because I was too afraid to have sex with them so there was no point in even dating them. I used to think that this was goin to be my life.I would be 60ad have no husand, no kids, I'd feel miserable and alone forever.

So I know how you feel - boy do I know how you feel!!

I know you probably hate hearing this but you're still young, and it's supposed to be scary. Don't worry about the rest of your life yet, just worry about now, because if I learnt anything these last few years, the more timeyou spend worrying about the ret of your life, the less time you have to get to know yourself and who you are in the present.

If it is really bothering you being this nervous when it comes to men, maybe you could go to a counselling session, or a night class on relationships if they have them where you're from.

But I would suggest you justremember to breath and relax, and remind yourself , that this is supposed to feel like this so just take it as it comes, don't pressure yourself more than you need to, talk to the guys just as you woul talk to the girls.

[dont cry for me]

omg thanku! i never realised other ppl felt like this!

and ur right, im terrified because it seems everyone around me is doin stuff and im not.

i dont no about counselin coz i dont no if id be able to tell ppl my problems (thats why i luv this site- its anonymous). but il maybe think about it

thanku xx

[Dreamz]

When I used to be scared I think half the fear was thinking that no-one else knew what I was going through, that I'm the only person in the whole world that is afraid.

Then I made friends with a girl and we got kinda close and had serious chats about stuff like that and I found out that she used to be exactly the same as me.

Just hearing someone else knew kinda what I was going through helped so much.

I didn't feel so alone, so I thought I had better let you know that you're not alone. There are ALOT of other people in the same boat so not to let it freak you out too much!!

[Kellie]

You two just made my day!!!
Thanx for making my toes wiggle with delight....

[Dreamz]

And thank-you kellie, for making me bounce up and down in joy!!!

[dont cry for me]

thanku both for making me smile!!!
=]]