Look BEYOND Yourself!

[Done-With-It!]

"Sometimes our light goes out, But is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks To those who have rekindled this light." - Albert Schweitzer

Look beyond yourself I read a little poem many years back when I was going through a stressful time. It was called "Day's End" (by John Hall) and started with the lines, "Is anybody happier because you passed his way? Does anyone remember that you spoke to him today?". Reality smacked me in the face - I was too busy thinking about me, myself, and I to notice how anyone else was feeling, let alone actually making any effort to brighten their day. We all know the power a few kind words or a thoughtful deed have to turn a rotten day (or even week!) around. For me, the list is endless; there was a family who took me in for an entire afternoon when I was caught on the road in a snowstorm, a cashier in the grocery store who gave me a cactus when I didn't have enough change, a friend who bought me flowers when I was miserable about my bad haircut - just to name a few! Make it your mission to do or say at least one nice thing every day. It doesn't have to be time-consuming, expensive or difficult, but make sure it's not something you usually do anyway (ex.. hug your husband/wife). Go out of your way to tell someone how much you appreciate his or her enthusiasm or friendship, or be more specific by praising a job well done. You may think someone who excels at something (your mother baking those killer chocolate chip cookies) doesn't need to hear it, but that couldn't be further from the truth. It's a natural, human need to be told we are appreciated! Just be sure you are genuine, and don't go overboard by constantly complimenting people constantly on every little thing (they won't value it anymore). Try an experiment; spend an entire day focused on making other people a little happier. This doesn't mean you should put others' needs ahead of your own; simply pay attention to what's going on around you and notice ways you could help out. My guess is you will realize that you have hardly thought of your own difficulties throughout the entire day. So, by giving to others, you are in turn giving to yourself…a nice little bonus! by T.L. Scribe

[Done-With-It!]

"Balance is the perfect state of still water. Let that be our model. It remains quiet within and is not disturbed on the surface."
- Con***ius

Anchor Yourself

Someone recently told me they had been feeling "anchorless". All in the matter of weeks, he broke up with his girlfriend of many years, left his job and started hanging with a whole new social group. Anchorless was the perfect word to describe the way he was feeling - as though he were floating, with no real connection to his former life (and who he is) to keep him from drifting off to sea. In fact, you could say he was having a hard time keeping his head above water; the overwhelming waves of change were rocking him back and forth and he had no idea where he was headed. Most of us have been in that tumultuous place a few times before - usually after major life changes, when everything we could count on before, everything that had given us a solid sense of identity, was suddenly turned upside down. How can we weather these storms and keep afloat - or, better yet, how can we prevent this wave from hitting us in the first place?
Everyone has a sense of what defines them as a person; it might be their job, relationships, hobbies, home, or a million other things. (Think about what makes you who you are. It could even be a love for cats, or their fashion sense.) When we rely too heavily on certain parts of our lives to form our identity (like a romantic relationship, our looks or our job), we run the risk of crashing hard if we lose that thing. If, however, we work on being as well rounded as possible and pay attention to building many "anchors", we will have something to grasp onto when another piece of our identity gets swept away. Put in the time to build quality relationships, take up meaningful hobbies, explore the different sides of your personality. And when you find yourself drifting away, reach out for those anchors. They'll remind you who you are and help you keep your eyes on the horizon.
by T.L. Scribe

[Done-With-It!]

"Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once and a while, or the light won't come in."
- Alan Alda

Broadening your horizons

I remember with total clarity the moment, as a child, I saw a girl playing hockey on a boy's team. In my small town, there was simply no question that hockey was for BOYS ONLY. Period. It was the strangest feeling for me to watch her on the ice -it was as though I suddenly, for the first time in my life, realized that the way things were in my tiny little world, were not necessarily the way they HAD to be or the way they were everywhere else. It sounds like a minor occurrence, but it was literally an eye-opener. A whole new world had opened up before me. I saw so many things in a different light, and decided from that moment on I would never take anything at face value, that I would question everything, no matter how normal and obvious it seemed.
Well, it's now many years later, and I've come to realize that it's easier said than done. There are so many ideas we get in our heads from such a wide variety of sources (our parents, the media, our own experiences) that it's not easy to pull away from our beliefs and take a good, long look at them. It can feel almost painful to give up an idea we've clung to for years or years, maybe even since we were born. But this is what learning and growth is all about - being able to dust off the cobwebs in our minds and ponder new perspectives, even on issues we thought we had long ago made decisions about.
Making assumptions, as we know from racism and other kinds of prejudice, can be a very dangerous thing. Having something stuck in our head - that a certain person/type of people is a certain way, that we need lots of money to be happy, or we could never marry someone younger than us - can close doors, and keep us stuck in patterns that are not beneficial to us or anyone else. Don't accept anything at face value - question it!
by T.L. Scribe

[Done-With-It!]

"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret."
- Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Between a rock and a hard place

Ever have those days when you just can't make the simplest decision, like whether to buy the striped or single colored toothpaste? You stand in the middle of the drugstore aisle, humming and hawing, balancing the two boxes in your hands as though one of them is going to suddenly leap up and scream, "I'm the one you want! Buy me!". You finally decide on the striped, but halfway down on the aisle you decide it's too bright and cheerful to look at in the morning. So you turn back, beginning to think that you are completely losing your mind. (If I'm the only one this has happened to, I suddenly feel very silly...) Why does this happen? Sometimes it's just a plain old-fashioned weird mood, but psychologists have found that stress, anxiety or depression can seriously hinder our ability to make decisions. Our minds may be so worked up over bigger issues in our lives - jobs, relationships, etc. - that we blow everything else up to be a big deal too. Even toothpaste! Ironically, then, the stress of having to make tough choices may actually inhibit our ability to make a good, clear-headed decision.
So what can we do to clear our minds of all the stress and anxiety and just make up our minds already? Thankfully, there are actual strategies we can use to guide us in making important choices. Here are some suggestions:

Instead of letting it nag you, set an "appointment" to consider your choices. You could set, for example, one half hour every day to think only about the decision, and leave the rest of the day for normal life. Brainstorm different possibilities. Ask friends and family for their input. Let yourself be creative, writing down every possibility. Write lists of pros and cons. Visualize the results of different choices and see how they make you feel. Listen to that "gut feeling". If something just doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. If necessary, give yourself more time. Sometimes we are simply not ready to make a decision. If you find you're taking too long, however, you may want to consider giving yourself a deadline. Distract yourself by thinking about something else if it becomes too overwhelming. Your mind may get "over-heated". Know that things are not always black and white. Two choices can be equally appealing. Do things you enjoy, like taking a walk or listening to a favorite song; the answer may come to you when you are relaxed. Finally, when you make that decision, try not to think about it anymore. Regret is pointless; you have to make the best of the choice you've made. But also know that, if necessary, many decisions are reversible. (You don't have to stay at a job you hate forever, for example.) Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, grab the bull by the horns...then let him go free! by T.L. Scribe

[Done-With-It!]

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Get to know yourself

Quiet. Silence. Thoughtful reflection. Are these foreign words to you? Truth is, most of us feel bored and restless when we get the opportunity to sit in the quiet and do nothing but listen to our thoughts. Why do we feel we need the TV on for background noise, for example, even when we're not watching? It's as though we want to be distracted from our own minds! In a recent interview in Psychology Today, the Dalai Lama talks about meditation and how it brings us a closer connection with our inner selves. In silence, we are faced with thoughts and preoccupations we may not have noticed if we had filled the background with noise. A mind at rest allows thoughts to flow in and out, and brings issues to the surface where they can no longer be ignored.
Meditation certainly doesn't have to be the traditional sitting on a floor mat, eyes closed and arms raised to the heavens. It can be as simple as relaxing in the backyard or a park, going for a walk alone, or just lying in bed that extra half-hour on the weekend, doing nothing. The important thing is that you are not distracted by your environment, and can actually focus on relaxing and clearing your mind so you can listen to that little voice inside. This may sound hokey to some of you, but it can truly help you get in touch with yourself. You spend hours listening to other people, TV and radio personalities, so why not give yourself a little of that attention?
by T.L. Scribe

[Done-With-It!]

"A closed mind is like a closed book - just a block of wood! "
- Chinese Proverb

Banish Boredom!

Do you ever catch yourself saying, either to yourself or others, "I'm bored!"? Have you ever slumped about the house, in search of something to catch your interest, or called friends bugging them to entertain you? If you answered "never!" then good for you, you don't need to read this! If, however, you're like the other 99% of the population, I'd like to ask you some questions: Do you really understand how airplanes fly? Can you make chocolate mousse? Have you read the complete works of Shakespeare…or Dr. Seuss? Perhaps none of these things interest you, but think of something that does. If you've always been fascinated by insects, consider whether you've fully explored the subject. If you take a moment to think of the vast amount of information and knowledge, plus the variety of experiences, just waiting at your fingertips, you will realize being bored is just ridiculous. Never, even in a thousand lifetimes, could you possible discover all there is to learn about the world and how it works.
Your boredom is most likely a reflection of the fact that you haven't found the things that spark your interest, or haven't taken the time to pursue them. Think back to when you were a kid, what you did and thought about it. Let's say, for example, you're drawn to the Egyptian era. Why not pursue it by reading books, visiting museums, even joining or starting a club for enthusiasts? It doesn't have to become your career (although it just might), but you will certainly not be bored. So grab a pen and paper and make a list of all the things, silly and serious, that interest you. (Include everything, even if it's pickles!) Now keep this list handy, and next time you feel that bored feeling coming on, whip it out and learn or try something new. The more you explore the word we live in, the more you will stimulate your own sense of curiosity. And, as an added bonus, you will be a more interesting person to talk to!
by T.L. Scribe

[Done-With-It!]

"After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box." - Italian Proverb

Made From the Same Cookie Cutter We all have one thing in common. Regardless of our backgrounds, our social status, our careers, our looks, or how much we have in the bank, there is one thing we all share: flaws. No one is perfect. Everyone has insecurities, weaknesses, things they don't like about themselves. It might be an inability to get close to people, a tendency to over-analyze or a fear of failure. And why does this matter? Recognizing that all people are imperfect and, specifically, that we all experience self-doubt and fear eliminates some of the walls we put up both for ourselves and between us and other people. Let me give you some examples: - A woman decides she can't go after the career she wants because she thinks she is not as smart as other people in the field. - A man does not approach his boss to ask for a promotion because his boss is powerful and scares him. So many of our fears are due to the feeling, subconscious or not, that another person or group of people is above us in some way. We hold back from doing things because we compare ourselves, when we should instead see people for what they are - imperfect. Next time you feel afraid to do something, think about the people who HAVE done it (or the person you need to approach).They are human, and thus grappling with their own insecurities and fears. Give yourself this little shot of reality from time to time and the world will become a lot less intimidating! by T.L. Scribe

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"Write the bad things that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble."
- Arabic Parable

Forgive and forget

We'll all been hurt at one time or another. Whether it was anyone's fault or one of life's unexplainable events, we've all got painful memories and emotions tucked away deep inside. While we certainly play a role in what happens in our lives, there are things we simply cannot control or prevent. To dwell on this, though, is to doom ourselves to a life of anger, bitterness and sadness. Letting go of past hurts is one of the most difficult acts we can ever carry out; but also the most liberating. It requires looking painful things directly in the eye, and asking ourselves this question: Will I let this destroy my happiness? Of course, we can't simply snap our fingers, and poof!, the hurt or sadness disappears. But we can make a conscious decision to take whatever steps we need to heal...and try to live in joy in the meantime. It sounds so simple, but how do we even begin to do this? The process of recovery varies from person to person and from situation to situation. For you, it might involve rebuilding a broken relationship, opening your heart to forgive someone, or going on your own inner journey to deal with emotional wounds. Regardless, it starts with a day-to-day decision to TRY. Tell yourself over and over that you WILL make it - because if you decide to heal, you will.
by T.L. Scribe

[Done-With-It!]

"Pure love and suspicion cannot dwell together: at the door where the latter enters, the former makes its exit."
- Alexandre Dumas

Lasso the green-eyed monster

Jealousy is an overpowering emotion that often leads to irrational, desperate acts. Anyone who's ever been caught in the grip of the green-eyed monster (and it's a rare person who hasn't) knows that it can be consuming to the point that it destroys everything in its path - relationships, trust, personal integrity and self-esteem. But even in it's more subtle forms, it can have a devastating effect on our personal lives. Jealousy can: become a distraction from the more important things in a relationship, like communication; create feelings of bitterness; lead to power struggles and even spark depression. Yikes!
How do you know if your feelings of jealousy are normal? Tiny pangs of envy are usual, but how we choose to express those feelings and how they effect us is where the danger lies. If jealousy nags at you, causes you to act in any way that may be disruptive to the relationship, or has a negative influence on your own sense of well-being, then you have a jealousy problem.
The key to giving jealousy the boot once and for all is identifying the root of the emotion, which is usually one of two things: lack of self-esteem or confidence, or, in the case of romantic jealousy, actual feelings of doubt regarding the partner's loyalty. If you are in a relationship and you have suspicions that your partner is not completely committed, then you may want to take a look at the relationship itself and address the issues with your partner. If it's a continuous problem and you don't think you can ever trust him/her, reconsider whether you want to stay in the relationship. (Trust is of utmost importance!) Be very careful, however, before reaching this conclusion: are you sure the feelings are not stemming from your own lack of confidence? Do you have real reason to doubt your partner? Only you can make that decision, but if you suspect the jealousy is stemming from uncertainties about your own worth, ask your partner to support you in your efforts to overcome this roadblock. When you have worked on your confidence, you will find you no longer have any reason to feel threatened by others.
by T.L. Scribe

[icthus77]

wow DWI thank u so much for posting this. it was a lot to read lol but i enjoyed it and it helps remind us of those significant things. it is important to remember these things and doing these few little changes can make a big difference. thank u for taking the time to post it. u are truly one of a kind. love ya and take care