iv ruined everything

[dont cry for me]

i just made the biggest mistake of my life...

i told my best friend that im bisexual, and she reacted the exact way i was scared of. i knew she wasnt gonna take it well... but now i think iv completely ruined our friendship.

im in tears now because she was my soul mate!!! but now im thinkin iv got her all wrong!!!

its gonna be so awkward between us now... the worst part was when i said "i wish i hadnt told you now" and she said "i know this is selfish but so do i"

im so scared iv just ruined the best friendship iv ever had.

i hate my life so much

[dont cry for me]

iv now got to the point that i dont feel the pain when i cut... thats never happened before.

she claims shes not gonna let anythin change between us but she already has

[Chy]

Give her some time. If she's a true friend she'll be accepting and things will go back to normal, if not she was never a good friend to begin with. YOU were being a friend by being honest and sharing a part of your life with her and so be it if she has issues with it. Don't be hard on yourself girl. It's none of our business what others think of us. *hugs*

[Done-With-It!]

Ahhh Sweetie, You didn't make a mistake.
The truth can only set you free
and
Secrets will keep us sick.
It may not feel like that now
but in the long run, you did the right thing.
Chy is right if she is a True Friend,
She will stick by you No Matter What.

She may just be in a state of shock right now.
My step sister and I used to be as close as
sisters, as close as any two people could be.
Then things happened and now we are not.

But I saw her come out on her My Space page,
and the first time I saw it, It completely
threw me off. I don't know why, I have
tons of gay/bi friends, and I have no
issue with it at all. But it took me a day or
two to let it sink in. I think the closer you
are to someone, you just expect them to
be one way, and when they find out your
different, it can scare them.

And I don't mean different in a bad way, I just
mean different than her.
Did you talk to her about you being bi and
what it was like? Does she understand that
you don't want a relationship with her?
(Or do you?)
Because maybe she is afraid of that?

Just talk to her and explain to her that this
doesn't have to change your friendship in
any way. Ask her to be open with you about
it, and to ask you the questions she has.

That my friend is the first step to this,

Cutting is the Needless step.
You don't feel the pain and that's not a good thing.
Sweetie I know how good it feels to cut when you are
hurting this bad, I really really do.
But hurting yourself, especially in this situation,
is only going to make the situation worse.

If you start getting cuts all over you, and withdrawing,
your only going to scare her more. The more you cut
the less you will talk to her, and the more confused
she is going to get. So let's try it a new way.
Instead of cutting, or harming yourself in some way,
shape or form, lets see if we can help you work this
out through communication with her??

What do you think?
We are here for you and will help you through it.
So put the razors away for now.
Just for now?

[dont cry for me]

i spoke to her again later last night.

she cuts too, and she said her first reaction to me telling her was her cutting... that confused me and made me feel bad
1) i didnt see why it made her cut, it wasnt as if i was doing anything to hurt her
2) i felt so bad being the one making her hurt herself
once shed let it settle in, she kept sayin "im not gonna let it change anything", but if she was that good a friend, surely she shouldnt have to try not to let things change... they just shouldnt

i really dont understand why shes sure things will change unless she trys to stop it... its not as if i fancy her (i told her this just in case she was confused and she admitted she had thought about it- this is what i dont like about people, just because someones gay/bi, doesnt mean theyr gonna come on to everyone they meet, straight people dont... so why should gay/bi people?)... and its not as if i would ever go out with any of our other friends.

another thing she said that hurt me was "if you dont want people to know we should act normally around each other at school, so people dont know somethings different"...
as if its something i should be ashamed about admitting, and that the only reason were staying friends is to keep up appearances...

im so confused right now.

she doesnt seem to understand that it doesnt change anything. if it makes her uncomfortable i wont talk about it around her, but knowing i could lose her really upsets me. shes the best friend ive ever had, and if i didnt have her, i may as well not be alive... shes the only good thing in my life.

[Chy]

NO way girl! You just gave her an EXCUSE to cut. This is not on you okay.

[dont cry for me]

thanx

im talkin to her again now...

she was really quiet today, and now shes acting like we never spoke last night!!!

im so confused/angry/upset just now

[Kellie]

I am sorry that you are hurting right now.
You need to have friends that understand and accept you just the way you are, hopefully your friend will get over her surprise and past it. If not I hope you will be able to move past it. It is better that you were honest about yourself, that is exactly why we have good friends.
Our lives change, relationships change, some last and some don't.
You worry about yourself and what is best for you.
Hugs,
Kellie

[Done-With-It!]

Sweetie, Give her some time.

That unconditional friendship works both ways.
Just like you want her to understand you,
She probably wants you to understand her.
She didn't cut because of you.
Sorry but you don't have that much power over anyone.
LOL, Would be nice though if we did.
You know when we cut alot of the time
we start doing it to deal with all of our
emotions. It becomes a Habit.
She's probably confused and not sure how this is going
to change your friendship. And maybe she is afraid of
losing you. You don't know what she is feeling or going through. Maybe she doesn't either. So she cuts to try and figure out how to deal.
Maybe she is afraid of losing you in some way.
This is totally a random guess, but as close as you two are,
you are now going to be sharing your life at times with another girl. Maybe she feels threatened by that.
Maybe she thinks that you'll meet someone who will take her place.

its not as if i fancy her (i told her this just in case she was confused and she admitted she had thought about it- this is what i dont like about people, just because someones gay/bi, doesnt mean theyr gonna come on to everyone they meet, straight people dont... so why should gay/bi people?)...

You have the right to be upset about this, BUT
it's a Natural feeling that some straight people have when they first find out. It's not a bad thing, but you have to understand her feelings as well. They may not be right,
but she still has them. All you have to do is explain to her it's not like that.
I had a really good friend come over one night to decorate my Christmas tree and she was acting really weird. She finally told me she had to tell me something, I seriously thought she was going to tell me she had cancer or something. It was just that she was gay. She was so nervous, my first thought, was Ut Oh, does she like me?
But she had a girlfriend, and I told her she was silly and laughed that she was so afraid to tell me.
It's just a natural thought.
I think your friends loves you dearly and is scared and confused. A lot of people just don't understand or aren't completely comfortable with the bi/gay thing, because they
don't know it yet. Before I was around gay people, it kind of scared me, I didn't get it, and when I was around lesbians I wasn't sure how to act. Hell, now I go dancing in lesbian bars.
Nothing about gay/bi, etc. scares me, I live in Hollywood I've seen it all.
Do you have any other friends who are gay or bi? That could maybe talk to her?
Just keep being positive, give her time and patience.
Remember this is different for her too.

And Keep Posting!

[dont cry for me]

Originally Posted by Done-With-It!

Do you have any other friends who are gay or bi? That could maybe talk to her?

yeah i have another bi friend, and i told her (when i was drunk though) and ever since ive regretted it.

shes not that trustworthy and she keeps bringing it up around other people, as if she wants them to know that she knows a secret about me, and my best friend doesnt trust her, or like her much either, so it wouldnt be a good idea.

i think weve pretty much got it sorted out, right now were acting as if nothings changed, but yesterday at school was the most depressing day of my life.

i spent the whole day wanting to cry, because she was so quiet around me, but then we spoke later and she said she was only quiet because she could sense the tension between us, and it was the same for me.

so i think the only reason we could both sense tension was because we were both convinced there was going to be tension.

right now i still wish i hadnt told her, because she said she was quiet because it was all she could think about, and it was upsetting her... why? it doesnt affect her at all... it doesnt matter though, im gonna give her time, and just see what happens.

thanx u guys for all your advice, it really helped just being able to write this down, and sort out my head, and your feedback helped make sense of everything.

[Done-With-It!]

((((.....)))) Sounds like you are handling it very well. I'm proud of you.
And as you know we're here for you. I think you are right a little time is all it needs, by Christmas things will hopefully be back to normal.

Keep posting and getting all this stuff out, don't keep it bottled up.

[Dreamz]

Oh my God I only just read this...How you doing now?

I have heaps of gay friends and bi friends- more than straight friends and they've all had to come out to me, and let me tell you when my best friend first came out saying she was bi, I was confused, I was scared that our whole friendship was going to change because now that she was bi I would have to act different around her so she wouldn't get a crush on me (I know how up myself do I sound - but thats just how confused I was)

I was even a bit mad at her for even thinking about being bi because she'd never really said anything before. It took me about a week of working through all these feelings I had and I realised that I was really fretting over nothing. That it was just spinning me out for a week because she was different to what I was used to - and right like Done said - not different in a bad way, just different to me which means I didn't understand at first and I kept trying to come to conclusions but its like, it was something I didn't really know all that much about so there was no point in me trying to answer all my questions, so I went to her, and thats how we worked things out, we talked about where each of us was coming from, and questions I had about her coming out, any questions she had to my reaction, we just kept talking and talking til we solved everything.

Originally Posted by don't cry for me

another thing she said that hurt me was "if you dont want people to know we should act normally around each other at school, so people dont know somethings different"...
as if its something i should be ashamed about admitting, and that the only reason were staying friends is to keep up appearances...

She probably just doesn't know what you want other people to think and whether you want other people to know, in a way I guess she is sort of helping you protect yourself only she doesn't really understand that you don't need protecting - do you get what I mean?

It's a big thing when someone comes out to another friend - It almost never is all sunshine and lolliepops straight away - you just have to give it some time and understanding. I know it must be really tough for you now though so you're doing good by hanging in there.

[dont cry for me]

thank you!!! i think weve pretty much got it sorted out now, and were tryin so hard to handle everything, cos we dont want to lose each other.

i think i understand more now why she acted the way she did, so its all good i hope!!!

[dont cry for me]

and i told my sort of boyfriend today and he was completely fine with it!!!



so thats good, cos i considered not tellin him just incase he reacted like my friend did, but he didnt!!!

im happy now lol

[Done-With-It!]

Ahh, Good for you!!

[Dreamz]

Thats great news. I'm really glad things seem to be sorting out the right way. Proud of you for having the courage to stand up and be honest about yourself - its a big deal coming out to friends so you've done well!

I guess you and your friend just needed some time to get settled and understand each other. I'm really glad you're able to see it from her point of view too - that makes you a really great friend because not everyone can see things from someone else's point of view, so good for you hun!!!

[dont cry for me]

thanku!!!

thats so sweet!!! =D

[Dreamz]

Aww shucks!!!