I missed it!

[Velvet]

OMG.....I missed it! Oh, Miss Done, please forgive me...Congratulations on your one year anniversary!!!!!
I'm so proud of you. I knew you'd be a success!
I love you.

[jellybeanz]

I know Velvie .... I was a couple of days late too!

I'm really bad with dates ... all those years of drinking ,
my memory is just not what it used to be.

Hopefully Miss Done will appreciate that we remembered ....
eventually ... and that we are all really very proud of her.

Actually - its kinda a testiment to how well Done~With~It is actually doing in her recovery, that we DID forget ... it's kinda like in our minds, Miss Done ALWAYS been CLEAN!

(... so that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it ... well ... that, and the bad memory thing too!)

But I am sorry my dear friend Done, that I too, did forget the actual date,
coz I know you have worked SO HARD this year,
and you deserve a celebration and congratulations!

So everyone -> November 14th ... write it in your calanders for next year!

[Velvet]

hey, I like that excuse....but I can't use it. So I like your other one, that she has done sooooo well, that I think of her as just someone coming to the boards for support for others....like myself. lolNice to talk with you Prancie....I will get to that pm about Carrie...maybe tonight. So much has gone on. She is now living with me. the car is repoed...house empty and being foreclosed on....meetings after meetings...pych...counseling...urine tests (twice weekly) mental health counseling...enough running around to make my head spin. But hey, she's been clean since Sept. 9.All of this is court ordered. She was picked up with 2 -- $20 bags of heroin. She is in a program called "Drug Court". It's 18 months long. She had to plead guilty to the felony charge...but if she completes the program successfully, the felony will be erased from her record. She could be trying harder than she is, but she is just not "there" yet. She still has a strong urge to use. (crack, mostly) It is taking a toll on me. I have 3 other kids, plus work two jobs. The ass boyfriend gets out of prison in a week, and that's when we will see what she is made of. She thinks she loves him. She has never known him...both clean. He has been gone 3 months. He will not stay clean, because he has served his time and has no one to report to. He is not allowed near my house. I can see the storm coming. I am proud of myself for the fact that I did not bail her out of jail. She sat there for 3 weeks, waiting on a court date. It was a good detox for her. Well, so much for that pm...lol. Good to be typing about it, though.more later.love you beanz

[jellybeanz]

wow velvie!!!
What a headache!!!

I had heard through Miss Done that Carrie had relapsed after her stay in rehab (was really sad to hear about that), but it sounds as if being caught with those bags of heroin could have been the best thing that has happened to her! (besides YOU that is, Velvet!)


I really hope she can resist the lure of the boyfriend when he gets out of prison. Why do some people throw it all away - their sobriety .. their self-respect ... their life ... just for something that they believe is 'real love'...?


I guess it must be a hectic life with Carrie in the house ... but good on you for not bailing her out of jail! A pretty nasty detox in jail might have been just the thing to wake her up to herself - no cushy 'medicating the withdrawal symptoms' like you get in detox/rehab centres.


You must have been through hell and back with all this Velvie.
I really hope that this time is IT for Carrie - I guess if she relapses now, she's off to jail ...yes? Hopefully that will provide a big incentive for her. Heroin and crack .... eh? hmmmm ... did you know she was using those drugs? I thought it was just Meth.


Look after yourself Velvie.
This is a long hard road you're on ... and most of the drama will be completely out of your control, so you just have to grab hold of the parts that you CAN exert control over, and keep yourself safe, well and as happy as possible.


Dont be a stranger Velvie xxx

[Dreamz]

I know, I missed it too! My excuse is I wasn't near a computer, bt its a pretty lame excuse, I should've remembered on the actual day and actually come to an internet cafe.

But hopefully Miss Done will see how much everyone loves her and how proud we all are and forgive us all!!!

It must be so great to be able to celebrate a whole entire year!!!I can't wait til my year mark. I'm nearly at 9 months!!!

Happy belated anniversary day
Miss DONE-WITH-IT!

[Velvet]

Jellybeanz....thank you. Yes, I knew she was doing both heroin and crack. She had quit the meth, with what she learned about it in rehab. The heroin and crack were pretty easy for her to get. I don't know why someone will throw their life away for drugs and what they think is love.
If she has a dirty urine then she goes to jail for 3 days...(whoopdie-doo) If it happens more than once, she is off to the womens prison for 6 months. It will make that 3 week stay in the county jail look like a picnic. She doesn't seem to care. She definately still has the strong desire to use. We moved her out of her house. (her nice friend and myself) I tried to make her help, but everytime I took her over to her house, she just curled up into a ball, in the corner. She couldn't be there. Too many triggers and feelings of shame. I threw out soooo much crap, that she had drug home...you know that pack rat meth thing. I have half my garage filled, part of my basement and two bedrooms full of boxes. (of stuff that she SHOULD keep) She has been here (at my house) for almost 2 months...and has not unpacked a single box. It's just like she doesn't care. It's gonna be a looooonnnnngggggg 18 months. I'm doing the best that I know how to do to help her. Actually, if it weren't for me, I believe she would be dead. But isn't that what moms are all about. I thank God every day that she is still with me. (Some days are not so much about thanking him....lol) She is back to her normal self, most days...but depressed. She is taking cymbalta, for depression, which is really helping her. She has to do this on her own, but I'm in charge, in my home and she either follows the rules or she leaves. So far she is following them, but some she fights me on. She needs to find a job and that is one of the guidelines of the program. Her regular job gave her a year leave of absence....which was wonderful of them...but the felony charge has to be gone, before she returns. Things ARE looking good, but it's ONE DAY AT A TIME, as I'm sure you know. In my heart I don't think she is done with the drugs. It may take a prison stay to wake her up all the way. Who knows. I just pray that she learns something before it is too late. Thanks for being there for me Prancie. Love Velvie.

[jellybeanz]

oh boy ... I both feel for you AND Carrie ...

I can understand those feelings from Carrie's side of the fence .... having to be forced into sobriety when you're not really ready for it, but still dreaming of the day when you can next get high/drunk, even though you just KNOW it will kill you.

When I was at that stage, I knew I was going to die if I drank again but I just didnt care! And I remember my parents packing up all my gear at my unit when I had to move back home, and me not helping them even though they were both in their 60s ... I know Carrie is probably feeling really horrible about what she's putting you all through, but if she is anything like I was, she is just so damn depressed and suicidal, that she just cant help herself.

So many times when I look back on how I was back when I was drinking, I wonder if there was anything my Mum or the docs or the counsellors I was seeing, could have doen differently to help me out of that horrible place, but I really dont think so. I was depressed and didnt see any hope - I thought my life was over, even before it was really over, and I had already begun my own 'living death'. And it wasnt until I actually got out of my parents' house, and began living with a housemate, who on our second night of living together, took advantage of me when I was in a drunken state, that I finally woke up to myself and really started to live! And from there on, it was relatively easy.

I guess its not really something that anyone can help you out of ... family and friends can do what they can to keep you alive, but in the end, the addict/alcoholic has to realise for themselves, that there really is a life to start living, and that they havent thrown it all completely down the toilet.

I really hope those anti-depressants work for Carrie. She does sound terribly depressed and unmotivated ... just like I was. And you probably know that its next to impossible to try and motivate someone in that state - my parents tried with me, and had no success. All their efforts to be kind and help me, just made me more and more ashamed of the person I had become, and the mess that I had made of my life, and I just became more depressed and suicidal.

But one thing my parents did for me that seemed to work, was to kick me out of their house! Well - not exactly 'kicking' me out of their house, but they helped me find a new place, set me up, including moving all my stuff in and unpacking for me, while I just sat on my bed and drank vodka and watched them. But from there on, I had to sink or swim ... not that my parents abandoned me - they didnt- they rang and visited me all that time and checked up on me.

But I was living on my own (with housemate) most of the time, and was responsibile for cooking, shopping and all of that household stuff. And I know now that at that time, my Mum thought she was sending her only daughter off to her death! My Mum has since told me that she was so scared that I would commit suicide without their supervision, or that I'd drink and would die by choking in my sleep! But even knowing that it was a strong possibility that I would soon die, my Mum knew that she needed to get some distance from me for her own sanity, and to preserve the relationship she had with my brothers and my Dad.

And I think back now on how difficult that decision must have been for my Mum ... to send her daughter away and thinking that she would soon be dead ... her only daughter, who before she become an alcoholic, was actually a nice person and who was very close to her mother .... I think about just how much trouble I must have put my family through after years of my alcohol abuse, for it to finally get to that stage, where my family would be forced into sending me off and thinking that I was soon going to be dead, but that this was the only option left, and what they needed to do to survive themselves. I'd been supported by my parents .... hospitalised against my will, and then many times with my permission ... been to rehab ... been to many detoxes .... been in lock-up .... . My parents knew that kicking me out of their home, was the only thing that they had some control of, and what they could do in order to try to restore some sanity to their own lives, and just hope to God that I would pick up the reins and survive. And fortunately, it worked out for the best, and I discovered that 'living' wasnt that bad after all!

I think you are a great Mum Velvie ... you remind me so much of my Mum and what she did to help me during all those painful drinking years .... and believe me, when carrie finally gets her act together, she will be intensely grateful to you for all that you've done to help her. I'm not going to be advising that you do anything differently - I believe you are right on, that Carrie wouldnt be alive now without all you have done for her. I know some people would call it 'enabling' or what not, but you are her Mum, and like my Mum did, you cant just sit back and watch Carrie self-destruct! That doesnt mean that you're going to be driving her down to her dealer's place and giving her the money to score ... but you'll be doing what you can do keep her alive at least! I am thankful to my Mum that she did that for me too - I know I wouldnt have survived without her either!

Sometimes I hope for your sake Velvie, that Carrie does end up in prison - at least then you'd know that people were looking after her and it wouldnt be all on your shoulders to keep her alive (I'm just guessing at what a women's prison is like in the US, but from what I've seen on TV, and how things are in Australia, they are at least going to give you food to eat, and make sure that you're not hurting yourself ... and they wont be giving you drugs to destroy yourself with!).

I know you are always going to be Carrie's Mum, and that right now, being her Mum is taking alot of your emotional and physical energy ... so it would be nice if you could have a bit of a break from having to worry so much.

I'm glad that you've found your way back to these support sites Velvie. I remember Miss Done telling me that you were feeling a bit weird about coming back, especially after being so positive about Carrie's stay in rehab and how well she had been doing initially. But I guess we all know the ups and downs that come with addicitons, and none of this is YOUR shame Velvie ... hell - its not really Carrie's either - addiction just IS - some people have problems with it, others dont. You wouldnt blame a person for developing diabetes, or cancer ... its not really right (IMO) to blame someone for becoming an addict. Its what they do with that knowledge and where they take it from there, that really counts.

Hang in there Velvet.
It's nice to be talking to you again ... wish it was under more pleasant circumstances of course, but sometimes you just gotta go with the flow of things and deal with what life throws in your face.

Take care of yourself - the 'Prancie cat lady' orders you to do so! xxx

[jellybeanz]

Hey Dreamz!

Didnt mean to ignore you!

Welcome to Velvie's
'Sorry we forgot Miss Done's anniversary'
thread.

[Dreamz]

Thats okJellybeanz - I was just popping in and popping out, making an apperance!!!

:rainbowsmilie:

[Velvet]

Jellybeanz....You make such perfect sense. Thank you. I don't feel like this is my fault, but thanks for reminding me the way things are. I don't understand all that goes on with her, like another person that has had troulbe with addiction would. I do think that it will take more sorrow happening before it gets better. I am prepared for that.
On a lighter note...what do you Aussie's think about us Americans going crazy over turkey and stuffing? I am getting food ready tonight. Just boiled my eggs, for deviled eggs and have made "the green stuff"....Officially called Pastacio Dream dessert. When the kids were little, it got dubbed, "the green stuff". It's a great day of giving thanks and stuffing our tummies!
Hello Dreamz....your typing reminds me of Jellybeanz....right down to the z.

[Dreamz]

Originally Posted by Velvet

Hello Dreamz....your typing reminds me of Jellybeanz....right down to the z.

Haha - Jellybeanz, and I seem to be rainbow crazy...Done-with-it too!!! I love it. There was talk of us all living together in a beautiful rainbow house!!!

As for what do Aussie's think of the thanksgiving stuff....Well, it reminds me of 'friends' I love that show (and miss it) and they had a few thanksgiving episodes.

I think I'm more amused by the mentalness that goes on around Halloween with you guys. I wish we did that here. I have decided one of these years I am going to visit you guys for halloween.

Me and Jellybeanz can fly over on a maic carpet and ceebrate halloween with you!!!

Now where to get a rainbow magic carpet....hmm

:rainbowsmilie:

[Velvet]

Oh...sounds fun. I am amazed, myself, at the house decorating and money spend on Halloween. More houses are decorated at Halloween, than Christmas. Could be the climate...too cold for outside decorating in Dec.
I'll work on that magic carpet....all different colors would be appropriate with some fairy dust!

[jellybeanz]

I reckon me and Dreamz miss out on ALOT of the fun by living here in Oz!

We dont celebrate Halloween ... we dont celebrate Thanksgiving ... we dont even have a Fourth of July!!!

But we DO have Australia Day ... and we do have Anzac day .... and ... um .... what else do we get, Dreamz??? That's not alot, is it?

We definitely dont have as many of the 'fun' holidays that you guys do, where you get to dress up in scary costumes ... or have a big feast and pig out on roast turkey and pumpkin pie, or get to light fireworks (they are illegal here). Even our Australia Day and Anzac Day are quite boring IMO ... where's the fun! At least we get Easter and Christmas though.

LOL - I never noticed that both Dreamz and I both spell our usernames with a 'Z' at the end! :laughing_to_death: Velvie ... you are really observant! I wonder if it IS an Aussie thing ....

I am really worried about Miss Done right now.

I know she's sick and probably isnt up to being on the computer too much, but I've never known her to be THIS sick, in that she isnt emailing or replying on any of her threads! She must be in a really bad way, not to be able to get on a computer from time to time.

I dont want to pressure her or nag her to keep in contact all the time, but usually I dont have to - in the past when she's been sick, Miss Done has had a hard time staying away from the computer! She's always had difficulties with looking after herself when she's sick, and resting and taking it easy. Which makes me think that she must be VERY UNWELL right now if she's forced to stay away so much.

And Done~With~It is such a special friend, that it makes me sick to think of something bad ever happening to her! I really hope she's okay.

[Velvet]

I just tried calling her...got her voice mail. I'll try again later and let you know. I talked with her last week, she was sick. It's unusual for her to let a little sickbug keep her away from the computer.
I was considering adding a Z to the end of Velvet...but can't seem to make it right.
Velvetz.....Velviez....Velvez.....Velzeez....forge t it.

[jellybeanz]

Velvieez!

It works!!

Let me know if you get onto Miss Done Velvieez ... I'm really worried about her!

She's been sick for so long!

[Velvet]

I know, usually with just a flu bug you are, at the most, sick for a week maybe two...but she has been ill for quite some time. And she usually will return the message on her phone. I better look into this. Private eye Velvieez on the case.

[Velvet]

ok...I left two messages...I told her that we were concerned and she needs to call me back. If I don't hear from her tonight, I will call with the "mom voice" and yell at her!

[Dreamz]

Originally Posted by jellybeanz

I reckon me and Dreamz miss out on ALOT of the fun by living here in Oz!


But we DO have Australia Day ... and we do have Anzac day .... and ... um .... what else do we get, Dreamz??? That's not alot, is it?

I couldn't agree with you more. I would LOVE to celebrate halloween and Thanksgiving and all the rest!

Australia Day can be fun depending on where you live. When I lived in the country we all dressed up and the main street kinda closes down and there's BBQ's and face painting - kinda like a huge fete. But since I've moved to the city I realise that people aren't that into it. No-one dresses up and if you paint green and gold on your face - they just think you're a little strange.

Now...about Miss Done. I too am a bit worried. I'm so sad without her. I hate not knowing whether she is ok or not. Especially being on the other side of the world when there isn't really alot I can do to help anyways.

I'm hoping (my fingers are even crossed) that she's just really taking it easy (I know it's not likely) and just getting rest because the more up and about she is, the sicker she is going to get. You know when you're sick and you keep doing chores and jobs you need to do just so you don't fall behind - then you just get sicker because you're running yourself down???

I'm hoping that Done has stopped putting pressure on herself and realised she is sick and is totally relaxing until she gets her full strength energy back.

I've been thinking of every possible reason why she might not be here and I'm hoping that her grandmother is ok...does anyone know?

I know she was heaps worried about her and that was putting way too much extra stress (although I know from experience when you're worried about you're grandparents you can't help but stress)

As soon as someone hears anything...let us know, ok??

And Miss Done when you finally read this - we love you and we miss you and this place just isn't the same without you!!!

[Velvet]

no news.