Double life.. Sobriety vs. Going out..

[ChelseaPaige]

I'm 19 years old and live in houston texas.. recently getting out of treatment in october and went back out in november. when you go back out and realize everything they said in AA, CA and NA are true, doesnt it make you want to live happy joyous and free? I feel like i know my problem and i know the solution but im stuck in this inbetween phase where im playing both sides but really wanting to be free from this..but i just don't know where to begin..

Anyone feel the same, or anyone at least feel like they are in a awkward stage in sobriety/life/addiction...

[Chy]

Hello and welcome!
I can understand your question but unfortunately can't reply to well based on experience.
See for me, when I got sober in AA I knew for certain I couldn't experiment anymore. I knew if I did it would eventually be the death of me. So I have never relapsed. But I know people that are around your age that have the same mixed emotions. I will say I so admire you knowing already at your age that it became a problem. I will say going back out if of the alcoholic variety personality type that it will never be good, it will never fulfill the empty space it will never get better. People I see relapse everyday always come back to say to me how hard it is to step back into sobriety many know but still go back out knowing full well or feeling as if they don't have another recovery in them. You may be missing the excitement drinking allows you but am certain you don't miss the problems it causes you when not drinking. This is a question many in recovery have as long as they're sober "can I", me personally know I can't. The longer in recovery (almost 7 years now), the easier it is and there are only a few times each year I even think of drinking but put myself back into using the tools given to me. I hope this helps but know you're not alone in this kind of wondering.

[2jules7]

Welcome :]

I dont really know what to say, but Chy has a nice answer and she's always a great person to listen to.

[Hopefloats]

WELCOME
Chy gave you some great advice. My daughter is an addict. She is in prison now. It has been over 7 long years of her being clean and going back out, and each time going back out only got worse for her.

There are about 3 choices. Sobriety, jail or death. And that is the honest to God's truth. I hope you will stick with your sobriety and fight really hard for that....
You will get a lot of support here and we don't judge. We just want to help because we all really care..
((hugs))

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by ChelseaPaige

I'm 19 years old and live in houston texas.. recently getting out of treatment in october and went back out in november. when you go back out and realize everything they said in AA, CA and NA are true, doesnt it make you want to live happy joyous and free? I feel like i know my problem and i know the solution but im stuck in this inbetween phase where im playing both sides but really wanting to be free from this..but i just don't know where to begin..

Anyone feel the same, or anyone at least feel like they are in a awkward stage in sobriety/life/addiction...

I am not in that place anymore but I was there before many times.
Played the game with an eating disorder, had a cutting problem and then meth for years and years.
Have been free from it all for over 4 years now.
Most of my problem years was a horrible eating disorder and as soon as I would get out of a treatment center I would soon be back to skipping meals, throwing up, whatever. Kind of different than drugs, but I remember being lost to my disorder again and not knowing what to do.
Kind of relieved and also back in hell.

It never ended up good. I always ended up losing everything, ended up with everyone mad at me, eventually turned to meth to lose weight. Which ended up almost killing me in many ways. I finally quit for good after my dealer threatened to kill me over $40.00.

Your still so young sweetie, you have your whole life ahead of you. There is nothing good that will ever come from what your doing. Like Hope said her daughter is in prison, we have another friend whose daughter is facing prison, I could have been killed by my dealer, and my health many times.
We have lost many friends from drugs on these forums.

It only gets worse.....
Keep posting and talking. We're here for you anytime.
glad you found us..

[NKM]

Hi my name is Nate im 19 years old and im from small hicktown kansas lol.. i have 6months coming up of recovery iv been to a treatment center 3 times from the age of 17 i do know exactly what u feel like its kind of exhausting thoe and i know that this program changed the way i used and drank and ur right everything they said came true it got worse soo i figured out the only way to be happy is to stay sober and clean .. its hard cause i get to thinking of what other 19yr olds are doing and how they are having soo called FUN and thats when i get in the pitty-pot .. but i pray and ask god to let me do his will and sometimes it works out sometimes it doesnt i havent drank for this 24hrs and i hope you dont eather just remember not to judge and compare yourself to others cause it just ruins what & who you are !!

[Hopefloats]

Hi NKM I want to WELCOME you too!
Keep coming back and posting. This is a really great place for you to receive support.
Hope