Didn't meet my friend.

[Dreamz]

So I have had the most confusing week/weekend in the world.

I was having so much trouble deciding whether to meet up with my x bestfriend because I'm pretty sure she's still using and I didn't want to get involved but at the same time I really miss fun times we've had and wondered if maybe I could put it all behind me so easily.

Anyway I didn't call her up until the last minute. I really miss what we used to do and talk about and the closeness between us but I don't know if I can trust myself - even if she wasn't doing anything I'm sure I would want to because she reminds me of drugs (as awful as that is)

At the very very last minute I rang her up to tell her I couldn't catch up with her and while my head was saying "no sorry I can't come" I just blurted out yes, I'll see you soon (she lives about an hours drive from me)

I couldn't believe it, I knew I was making the wrong decision and I really had no intention of going to see her so I couldn't work out why I had just said yes. So I figured I've already said yes so I HAVE to go in now and just hope for the best...I kinda knew deep down that wouldn't work and I honestly thought that I'd be writting here saying I had relapsed but then as I was driving in to see her I couldn't believe I was giving in so easily. I let myself talk me into going and I knew exactly what was going to happen. I decided I wasn't going to be so weak and just LET myself cave in under the pressure - so I turned around and started driving to my parents house (5 hours away) I rocked up and then called this girl saying I couldn't come in to see her because I was at my parents house and in the future I don't think its a great idea if we meet up.

I was kinda sad because thats one friend I have had to say goodbye to that I really care about, but if I hadn't have told her goodbye I'd probably be on here telling you a whole different story!!!

So thats why I have been absent the last few days, I've been with my parents being safe rather than sorry!!!!

[dont cry for me]

its good that u didnt go, altho u must be pretty sad tht u didnt see ur friend.

itl get easier tho, and one day ul be glad u made that decision.

*hugs*