Conversation with my dad

[NoOneCanHearYou]

Okay so the other day I was gone all day from home, at a church event. It took longer than I thought it would've, and when I got home, the first thing I did was go to my dad and ask him how his day was. He blew up in my face and said I was a mooch, all I want is money from him, that I'd better find a job, because he wants me out of the house.

It brought back bad memories for me, so I immediatly went down to the basement, locked myself in, and relapsed. The only thing that stopped me was my 4 year old twin sisters knocking on the door, trying to get in. My whole family was in the basement, and I almost gave the razor I used to them, so I could start over, but I didn't because my dad was still ignoring me and saying mean things....


So the next day rolls around and my dad ends up writing me a letter, saying that he was done trying with me and he felt like I hated him. It hurt alot, so naturally, I was in my room....but I didn't cut. I didn't want to relapse again.

My dad went downstairs after a while and started talking to me. At first he was mad at me, because I have extreme dependancy on my fiance (the person I went to the day trip at church with) and how he feels like there's no point on him trying to be my dad anymore.

I flipped out and said Dad I still have problems too. And he asked what I meant, so I ended up showing him my leg....he said Oh my God baby and started touching them, almost cried, it was kinda sad....
I ended up having to tell him when I relapsed, so he's blaming it all on himself, which makes me feel bad, but idk. We had a LONG talk, and I told him I still have urges, I fall off the wagon occasionally. I told him instead of blowing up in everyones face like he does, I take my anger out on myself, and that's how I cope. Not healthy, but I do it.

Overall, it was a real good talk, because now he understands just how bad my urges are.
He said he used to cut when he was younger, but he never got as into it as I am.

But yeah =]

[Done-With-It!]

Your doing good girl. You keep talking and working on yourself and you will keep getting stronger and stronger.....

[Chy]

That's so good he's coming around. Wow your dad used to cut? Did you know this? I think this is going to be a new beginning for you both, at some point he's going to remember his pain when cutting and will better understand what you're going through, keep those doors open maybe when you're stronger you can talk to him more about being there for him if he needs a shoulder. Parents have enormous pressures and we don't always do right by our kids when we have our own stresses and don't take it out in the right way, just on the first person to come along and the easiest of targets. I've had to work real hard on this and it's not always easy. I'm happy for you, I envy the simple fact you DO have your dad around.

[NoOneCanHearYou]

Yeah I'm lucky to have him around in my life now, and he's treated me really well. =]

[2jules7]

Oh that stinks you had a fight type thing, but thats great that good came out of it. Im glad you two are getting along well now.