Vacation

[2jules7]

I’m torn between three different opportunities.

Stay at the job I have now - crappy pay and never know what i'm going to work.
Apply for a new better paying - set days off job.
Move to California and work for my uncles business to help them out.

Staying at the job I have now is really hard on my body. I feel like an eighty year old woman at nearly nineteen. I never know if i’m going to be working mornings, swings, or graves. Sometimes two of each in one week. (Doesn’t sound harsh, but after a while it gets intense). And getting actual time off is extremely hard.

Applying for a new job would mean longer days (with school starting I’d like to be close enough to home to be able to help my mom with the kids (she now will have four with my sister starting the nursing program)) Yet most schedules are seven on seven off or close to that and can be what i’m making now and a half, at least, more an hour. Which would really help me out a lot.

Working for my uncle wouldn’t be for at least a few more months. (Long story) but I would be helping them out a lot and I would finally be able to get out of this place and, what I hope, would help me be able to expand my horizons to see what else is out there so maybe I’d be able to figure out something to do with my life. Yet leaving here would be so hard because of how close I am with everyone. I was able to talk to my aunt about this and she its completely cool with it. She wants someone they can trust to do the work and it would mean my family here would have to make more trips to see everyone. I've been wanting to go down there for over a year now, but with so many things I haven’t been able to.

I know a lot can change in just a few months so who knows if I’d still even be able to go, but just the thought of being able to get out of here is something I want to hold on to. I just have no idea what to go with as a sort of 'plan'. Where it’s not set in stone, but is thought through enough to where I would be able to take one of these options and just go with it. Is there any kind of simple or simple-ish way to figure this out?

[Chy]

Working for my uncle wouldn’t be for at least a few more months. (Long story) but I would be helping them out a lot and I would finally be able to get out of this place and, what I hope, would help me be able to expand my horizons to see what else is out there so maybe I’d be able to figure out something to do with my life. Yet leaving here would be so hard because of how close I am with everyone. I was able to talk to my aunt about this and she its completely cool with it. She wants someone they can trust to do the work and it would mean my family here would have to make more trips to see everyone. I've been wanting to go down there for over a year now, but with so many things I haven’t been able to.

There's your answer girl. Don't feel bad about moving on and finding a happier life and job opportunity for yourself. You mom and family will work it out. Don't let that hold you back from doing what you want and achieving what you want.

The current job.... ditch it as soon as you can, we can't be productive when that miserable. Boy do I know.

You'll make the right choice and I hope its focus on JULES and JULES alone and what's best for HER.

[2jules7]

Thanks, Chy.
I really want to find a different job, but if I do go with my uncle in a few months then I wouldnt want to go through the troubles of finding a new one just to leave again, ya know? Yet if I dont or cant go then putting up with a few more months worth of this job would have been for nothing. I just dont know. Its not like they live an hour or two away; its nine to ten and a pretty boring drive.

[Hopefloats]

I agree with Chy Jules. In most cases although we consider things and other people, we do have to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves. If not, we cannot be much good to anyone else. Keep us posted K? and I wish you the very best!

[afrita]

ooh, exciting! Changes afoot.

[2jules7]

Im second guessing my whole life. I took my best friend to her first day of school yesterday. Though at first she only goes once a week, it makes me hate myself for not trying harder to figure my life out. I was out the entire night/morning the other day with my first exboyfriend. We talked a lot about old times and all in all if things were different its like we were meant to be together. We go way back to first grade and talking to him now; we have soo much in common. He wants me to move to Reno so we can see eachother more, but I want him to experience his college life without being held down by one person. I really opened up to him, told him about how depressed I got back in the day, why I felt like I couldnt do anything with my life because of everything I feel the need to do for everyone else. He told me what everyone does. That I shouldnt have the responsibilities that I do. That what im doing is amazing, but I need to do what I want to do in life too.
Now I dont know what I want. Im just so pissed off at myself for not listening to anyone and feeling so responsible for others when I should have had at least some kind of focus on creating a future for myself. Everyone is leaving for college now and I feel stuck here alone. I know this is all my fault. I screwed around too much with suicide and never thought I would need a future to think about, that here I am hating myself even more. Im not good at anything to have a future in. Im just so angry and frustrated with everything right now. I need to know what to do. Why is it so hard to figure this out?

[afrita]

Jules, you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself! You don't have to know everything now or create a perfect future right now. It sounded like you were excited by the idea of California, so why not try that for now and then see what you think? I might advise against Reno. In my experience, if you move somewhere because you want to be near someone, it never works out the way you think it will. In California, you would have family for support, a job and space to be Jules instead of Jules Who Helps Everyone.

As for a plan, I am a big proponent of making lists of tasks that seem overwhelming. Then from there you just break each task down into smaller tasks and subtasks and check each thing off as you complete it. It's great to see it laid out on paper and checking things off makes you feel like you are accomplishing something so you stay motivated to finish it. This is how I managed to get myself moved cross-country a couple of years ago, and it totally worked!