one month and eleven days clean.

[court<3]

i never thought that marijuana was any big hoot. i have been troubled by depression for nearly four years now. i had never resorted to drugs until just recently. i would smoke any time i possibly could just to feel better. but then, i started taking pills. xanax, neurontin, buffets of tylenol, really anything i could get my hands on...

when i got into eighth grade i started changing. i made different friends, listened to different music, stopped playing sports... just developed my owm personality. my dad didn't seem to like that. he would insult me any time i stepped out of my room. tell me i looked like a freak, that i needed to change my clothes, all sorts of variations of insults he could come up with. that seemed to have started my problems. over the next year i had developed eating disorders, multiple illnesses, latched on to a new boyfriend that i ended up dating for nearly three years, all contributing to the problems i seemed to have developed.

at fourteen years old i started smoking cigarettes. i would hide it from my parents and got away with it quite nicely. as my problems had gotten to a point i couldn't handle, i started smoking pot. at first only seldom. then increasingly. my old friends seemed to slip away and new friends jumped in. still i felt alone.

just this past year, my parents who had been married for twenty years sprung into a messy and hateful divorce. i broke up with my boyfriend of almost three years. my straight a's were slipping fast, and i saw no point in trying any longer. before school i would smoke a dime or so in my bedroom. i would drive myself to school, sit in class staring at a wall. usually i would bring a few pills to get me through the day. when i got home, if i didn't have to work, i would smoke about a dime more, and throughout the night smoke the rest of what i had. the cycle would continue day after day, and i can say that the few months that i was almost always high, had been the only few months in a very long time that i felt i could relax.

but at a time that i had been smoking non stop, my best and only friend had started to repel against me. she knew how i was tearing myself apart and i wouldn't listen. so eventually we stopped hanging out. the only friends i had were only my buddies that i would get high with.

it was on june 17th that my parents decided to confront me. i had to either confess, or take a drug test. so i told them the truth. that night my parents completely destroyed my room, making sure they found every last thing. my mother took a knife to my bags just to try to find everything. i couldn't sleep in my own bed that night.

the next day my mother forced me to an addiction recovery center. there i was appointed a mental health counselor, and a drug addiction counselor. when i went home that day, i was suffering horribly from withdrawls and i combed my carpet for any seeds, stems, or crumbs i could find. i was going insane. all i could think was that i would never be in control of my life again. when my mom came home that night, i told her some things that i had been thinking for near four years of my life. i had never given up once before that day. she took me to the hospital. i stayed a little overnight and finally got to go home. my best friend visited me that night. i really believe she gave me the hope to stay.

since that day things have still been rocky; the breakdowns come and go, but that friend has stayed with me through it all. and today, i am one month and eleven days clean.

[NoOneCanHearYou]

CONGRADULATIONS!!!!!


One month and 11 days is a BIG Improvement!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds like you've had a rough path to go down, but just remember, resorting to drugs doesn't make any of it better...just worse!!!!

Stay strong, you are a beautiful person, and I know you can keep this success up!!!!!

[court<3]

thank you so much.

[Done-With-It!]

Congrats Girl!

Your story is awesome.
I really want to reply more
but am pretty sick and wouldnt make any sense
i'll be back tho want to congratu. you tho!

I can relate so much to what you said,
almmost have 4 years off meth,
i remember digging in the carpt.
More soon!

[Chy]

Hello and welcome!
Not supposed to be on the computer right now as I'm on "vacation" but wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

[Kwstar]

Great job keep up the great work u can do it!!! i wish i could say i was having as much luck with my self harm problem.

[2jules7]

Congrats! Keep staying strong, you can do it! :]

[Dark_rainbowz]

well done, mustve been very hard but now you have started staying 'clean' it can only get easier from here, congrats!

[BM <3]

Welcome to the forums! Congrats on your days clean! Thats an AMAZING effort.

[Dinkle]

Thats pretty cool that you are realizing the root of your problems, now you can take back responsibility and do great things with your life, gettin clean is the first step Congrats!