Help

[Mandababy]

I am a Meth addict, and I can't seem to kick it.
I am depressed, and i was even before i started using. When i melt down a shard in the pipe, my high already starts. I get happy, motivated, almost responsible in a twisted sort of way. My writers block disappears, I feel amazing.
But in the process I have destroyed myself. I've gone to the ER for hallucinations of worms coming out of my skin, leaving me with a $500 hospital bill. I've had what doctors call Impetigo (a bacterial skin infection) three times in the last 6 months on my hands, chest, and face from picking. Even when I was a kid, i was discusted by scabs, and got a euphoria from picking them, so when i come down i just can't seem to stop; It keeps my high going.
When I'm sober, I have nothing to fall back on. I've bounced through groups of friends throughout the years. The 2 best friends I have had in the past few years have moved away, i see one of them a weekend every 3-4 weeks, and I'm truely happy when I'm with her. My boyfriend is 7 years older than me, and i've never had someone closer to me or who cares about me as much as him. But he is a recovering Heroin addict, he's been clean for 2 years. He is my life, my everything. He turned me onto meth though. We kicked it after my ER trip, but started up 2 months later.
He doesn't feel the need to kick it, but i'm sick of destroying myself. I was a twig to begin with, and every time I use I seem to just drop ten pounds; My hair is ridiculously thin; My skin has sores and just looks unhealthy; I'm starting to get meth mouth. I can't live like this.
I honestly just need someone to talk to, at this point I can't talk to my boyfriend about much of anything. I'm left with nothing, and I just need something.

Help.

[Chy]

He doesn't feel the need to kick it, but i'm sick of destroying myself.

And that's where you begin to recover. Not for anyone but you. As you are finding addiction can be very brutal, very hard to let go of and very hard to not give into. But if you already know and are sick and tired of being sick and tired then you can heal. You can live a life free of substance and find other healthier ways to live and cope. Many of us pick up drugs or alcohol for an infinite number of reasons, but when it diminishes our soul, our self love and leaves us not knowing the person in the mirror then it's time to take back your life and beat down the "demon". Every step of the way towards that will be a battle until your determination to live becomes your priority. You can do this, I have done it with alcohol and other drugs, my habit lasted 23 years, your are so lucky at this point in your life to begin realizing that it just ain't working for you anymore. I wish you much success on your journey and am here to help in any way I can.

[Hopefloats]

(((Mandababy))) My daughter is a heroin addict in prison right now for drugs.
Your life is only going to continue to spiral downward hun.
Please reach out for your recovery, because you are WORTH it. I know it feels hopeless but people do recover every day and you can too!!

Please keep posting and reaching out. You don't have to do this alone!
Blessings..
Hope