Warning: Think before you cut.

[annihilate_me]

"WARNING"
- Before you make that first cut remember: You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily, they will get deeper. They will scar. They will take sometimes months to heal. And years for the scars to fade. If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body, think again; it will spread when you run out of skin.

"Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live, you will find yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched. Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be. Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100.

"Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting, cutting and covering up cutting. And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep." And you freak out because the blood won't stop, and you are gaping, and you feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone. So you sit there alone, praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far again. But you will, and further.

"Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER. And the better you get at treating your cuts, the deeper they get. You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find yourself spending 20, 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy. You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat every time you go to the counter to ring up your order. Butterfly strips, 3 or four different kinds of dressings, Betadine, antibiotic cream, medical tape, scar reducers. You will tap your foot impatiently, hoping the line will just move and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things. And at the same time, secretly hope someone will notice; someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies; someone who understands but of course that never happens.

"Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe; long-sleeve shirts in summer colours, bracelets, wristbands , boots, gloves, the list goes on and on. You will start looking at everyone in a different way, scanning their bodies for any signs of SI just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone. You won't even think about it as your eyes scan their wrists arms, hoping, just hoping, they will be like you. But they are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone. You will start doing a lot of things alone.

"You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood, scrubbing your bathroom floor, wiping the blood off your keyboard. You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.

"Next thing you know, you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies. When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting tool; scissors, a car key, a needle, a paperclip, even a pen. Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut badly enough, you will find something.

"Say goodbye to things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals, pedicures, sleeveless tops. A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you. Get ready to itch. Because you will itch and itch, "so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease." You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully. You will dream about cutting, you will dream about being exposed. It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely HATE cutting at the same time you love it and can not live with out it..."

- Anonymous

[annihilate_me]

Oh god, how this is so true. :(

[Done-With-It!]

Yes it is....

Thanks for posting it, I'll stick it.

Hopefully it will stop someone from thinking this won't happen to them.

[Kellie]

Thank You... I really needed to read that, it helps me to understand more than you know.

[annihilate_me]

Hopefully this is helpful.

[ayla]

thank you so much for helping me to understand.....

not an easy read, but worthwhile......

hopefully the right person will read this at the right time in their lives, and in reading it they will find the ability to change, to let go and find release in a healthy way.......

there is hope.......

[jupeey]

i understand, and i know that- that's me.
i'm living that nightmare now.
i dont want to cut at all.. but i do. every drop of blood. there are tears. ...i know that i'll be that much worse the next time. yet. i obvioulsy dont feel that bad, because i'll wipe it away, and try again.

[Chy]

Very good post!

[dont cry for me]

i actually did use this earlier and it stopped me

thankyou =D

xxxxxx

[annihilate_me]

I'm glad that it has helped some of you! ;D

[Dreamz]

Thats intense - good post though!

[Velvet]

Thanks for this! I had my son read it. He didn't say anything, but he read it.

[PurplePeach]

Wow.....that is very eyeopening. I din't reaize how everyone else felt it to be so addictive too.....wow.... that is just so me. I know I want to stop.But, I'm afraid to stop at the same time...afraid to deal.....

[purrdy]

Thankyou for such a powerful post.

This realtes to most addictions......we finally retreat from life itself and 'exist' in our own self made prison.....

There is help, lots of info here, if you are hurting right now say it how it is.....we are here you are never alone....

[Done-With-It!]

~Sometimes cutting feels or seems selfish (for me) to do, and then other times when I think about it, it seems so the opposite~
Anyone ever feel like that? Hard to explain or maybe I just don't feel like
explaining it.

[purrdy]

i think its wonderful when you have an 'ahhhh' moment..when you do realise that you are not alone....so many of us have suffered from addictions.....so many of us feeling isolated and alone. that is a miserable existance.....

when we find others like ourselves we 'connect'...let the healing begin....

[dont cry for me]

Originally Posted by Done-With-It!

~Sometimes cutting feels or seems selfish (for me) to do, and then other times when I think about it, it seems so the opposite~
Anyone ever feel like that? Hard to explain or maybe I just don't feel like
explaining it.

yeah i know what you mean... sometimes i do it then realise that the reason i did it wasnt even that bad... then i feel guilty about it and get angry cos im being selfish... but other times i get angry because the reason im doing seems big... like if its because of another person i get angry about them and its as if theyre the selfsish ones...

it is quite hard to explain actually...

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by dont cry for me

yeah i know what you mean... sometimes i do it then realise that the reason i did it wasnt even that bad... then i feel guilty about it and get angry cos im being selfish... but other times i get angry because the reason im doing seems big... like if its because of another person i get angry about them and its as if theyre the selfsish ones...

it is quite hard to explain actually...

No, I gotcha. I totally now what you mean.

There are those times like when I posted it
just seems impossible to live normally w/out
doing it. I also hate for my friends to have to
deal with me when I'm like that. Sometimes
I can hide, but other times I have to see them.
That's where it sometimes feels unselfish, cause
I can act more normal and get rid of all the stress.

And the reason you said, I can relate to that one
entirely too much, that was an issue for me when I
was younger a lot. It's better now, but it can be so
confusing in the head, eh...
I guess all of it can.... I think I'll just go back to bed.

[recoveringcutter]

i can sooooooooo relate to this... i made that first cut and thought i would never do it again. then before i knew it i would cut 10-14 times each time i would cut.. i never cut deep but i did try and i felt like an ass for doing it. but yeah i have scars from cutting still

[annihilate_me]

I'm glad that I posted this and that it got stickied!