getting worse

[recoveringcutter]

no i haven't cut.... yet.. it's just i've been getting worse.. it's getting to the point when ever i see a knive, razor blad, or any thing i get triggered by it.. i know that sounds werid but i don't know whats wrong... or how much longer i can go on my own without cutting...

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by recoveringcutter

no i haven't cut.... yet.. it's just i've been getting worse.. it's getting to the point when ever i see a knive, razor blad, or any thing i get triggered by it.. i know that sounds werid but i don't know whats wrong... or how much longer i can go on my own without cutting...

Well you are not unique in how you feel many cutters including myself get triggered by razor blades, etc. Why you would think a razor blade wouldn't trigger a cutter, I don't know.

You come on here almost everyday saying this same thing. We've gone as far as the site owner taking her own time and money to send you a book to help you. There are many stickies including the impulse control log to help.
We can only give you the tools. We can't make you stop, if you are going to cut, you are going to cut.
If you want to talk about why you want to cut then that it great, but coming on here everyday and saying you are going to cut, is not helping you or anyone else. Saying over and over again to us on here that you are going to cut, that you can't go on any longer on your own is not healthy for you or the people here. The fact is you have the choice to help yourself or to not.

If you are that bad then possibly you need to be in the hospital, but stopping you from cutting is not something that is in our power or something that we can do. We can support you but we can not make you not cut.

There is a difference in talking about why you want to cut and in saying over and over that I'm going to cut, I'm going to cut. "That" almost becomes a threat, and eventually other people start to feel responsible for whether or not you cut. Then when/if you do cut, people think they could have said something that would have made you not cut.
That is how a lot of boards operate, this board is not like that.
People need to take responsiblity for their own recovery, which you all do very very well.

[recoveringcutter]

well i find it better to come here and vent my anger then cuttig myself.. if i have to i will go back to cutting to let my pain and anger out

[recoveringcutter]

Originally Posted by recoveringcutter

well i find it better to come here and vent my anger then cuttig myself.. if i have to i will go back to cutting to let my pain and anger out

i'm sorry for that ou burst....

so much was going through my head a that time... i don't know how muhc longer i can wait for my first counseling session..

sorry for my whining

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by recoveringcutter

well i find it better to come here and vent my anger then cuttig myself.. if i have to i will go back to cutting to let my pain and anger out

Why don't you try talking about why you want to cut instead of saying your just going to cut.

You don't "Have to go back to cutting to let your pain and anger out"
If You do that, you would be doing that because you made that choice.
There is no one or thing forcing you to do that, it is solely your choice
to or not to do it.

If it was helping you at all to vent your anger, then you wouldn't be getting worse every day and coming here more often doing it.
It's not helping you to keep coming here saying I'm going to cut, I'm going to cut, do you see any improvement since you started doing that?

I see that since you have started doing that you have changed your name from recovered cutter to recovering.

You say that you are venting your anger, but that is not venting your anger, that is saying that you are going to do something. That is an action. That is not venting your anger.

Venting your anger would be,
I am anger because....

I feel angry because

Venting your anger would be using the impulse control log....

If I start coming here every day saying,

I'm going to throw up, I'm going to throw up.
What am I angry about?
Do you have any idea???
If you don't, then that's not venting my anger..

Talk about what you are angry about all you want...

Why don't you get angry??? Maybe that is what you need
to do.. Didn't you say something about your sister not long ago?
That's venting anger....


Let me repeat if you go and cut right now, that is YOUR CHOICE,
it is not because I told you to stop coming here and saying
you are going to cut.
I HAVE NO POWER OVER YOU......
WHAT YOU DO, HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.....
SO DON'T EVEN GO THERE WITH ME....

Unless you want to go rounds, if you do I'm more than
happy to go with you on this... Because NO ONE has
that power over you, ESP. ME....

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by recoveringcutter

i'm sorry for that ou burst....

so much was going through my head a that time... i don't know how muhc longer i can wait for my first counseling session..

sorry for my whining

Don't be sorry, Keep Talking.....

I was posting as you were typing this,
I'm going to leave my post though.

[Chy]

Hang in there.. you have over 2 years free.. over 2 years! Nothing is ever so bad as to ruin that record, nothing, you know it won't make you feel better after the rush is over, you know this.

[recoveringcutter]

Originally Posted by Chy

Hang in there.. you have over 2 years free.. over 2 years! Nothing is ever so bad as to ruin that record, nothing, you know it won't make you feel better after the rush is over, you know this.

thank you chy... after i got done typing all that crap, i just broke down and cried. i cried till i was laying on the floor..

i think i will be better off in a hospital getting help like Done-With-It said (i'm not putting words in your mouth or anything) i think your right thouhg.. that i should be in a hospital getting help

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by recoveringcutter

thank you chy... after i got done typing all that crap, i just broke down and cried. i cried till i was laying on the floor..

i think i will be better off in a hospital getting help like Done-With-It said (i'm not putting words in your mouth or anything) i think your right thouhg.. that i should be in a hospital getting help

Why don't you go and tell your parents this? There is NOTHING wrong with needing this kind of help. Many of us, including me, have needed this kind of help. Maybe meds are what you need, maybe it's more than outside counseling, who knows, but why don't you go tell your mom you need help right now?

[recoveringcutter]

she's at work right now.. i'm going to my counseling session tomorrow and tell her everything and i think i would be better of in a hospital or something

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by recoveringcutter

she's at work right now.. i'm going to my counseling session tomorrow and tell her everything and i think i would be better of in a hospital or something

That's a good idea. Maybe you should try writing down some of your thoughts. Maybe that would help between now and tomorrow. And if you need to you can bring them in.

[annihilate_me]

Originally Posted by recoveringcutter

thank you chy... after i got done typing all that crap, i just broke down and cried. i cried till i was laying on the floor..

i think i will be better off in a hospital getting help like Done-With-It said (i'm not putting words in your mouth or anything) i think your right thouhg.. that i should be in a hospital getting help

I have to agree with Done in this matter. We're here to help support you and if you need to vent, go ahead. Explain to us what you're feeling, if you did this there's a chance we could help you better in the long run.... IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A DANGER TO YOURSELF, SEEK EMERGENCY MEDICAL CARE!!! Don't let a bad situation get any worse. If you ever want to chat one on one, my PM box is always open. Don't be afraid to drop by. Takc Care. Hugs.

Amanda.

[Done-With-It!]

How's it going RC? Not much longer before your apt.

[recoveringcutter]

Originally Posted by Done-With-It!

How's it going RC? Not much longer before your apt.

i'm doing good.. my firend wanted me to go with him so he could put in some applications at first i didn't want to but i wnet with him and put some appilications in myself.. i also told him what was bugging me and such and we just talked for a bit while he drove to where we were going to put applications in at..

omg.... i know.. my apt. is at 10:45 and i've been hvaing mixed emotions about going... but i feel like i'm finally read for my first session

[Done-With-It!]

It will be fine. First times are always scary. I still think you should write some of the stuff you said today down on paper though. In case you freeze up or are too afraid to say it outloud you can just hand her the paper.

You are going to be extrememly surprised at how fast your 50 minutes goes. And when you want to tell them something it feels like 5.
Just a thought anyway.



Therapy is a good thing, it's all about you, no one else, they are on your side and no one else's. You are never wrong in therapy.
They just help you figure out why do the things you do. It's not a bad thing at all. There's never a bad thought or feeling in therapy, if there is you've got the wrong therapist, unless your talking about harming someone else, then obviously they can't let that go. But you know what I mean.

[recoveringcutter]

well when i first went in to set up a date they gave me some papers to fill out and they wanted me to write down some questions and such.. mostly about my proble, how long has it been going on and other things

[Chy]

I'm so glad tomorrow is almost here for you. Yes, write it down or copy this and take it to her/him. Ya know what I was thinking to that may be part of what is going on is didn't you have a med change recently? Med changes can totally reek havoc with depressing thoughts and emotions. I remember last year my girl Done had some tough tough times when her meds got switched.. took awhile to get it balanced out to and at your age with hormones and stuff and developmental issues still going on.. omg that in itself is enough and can be causing these thoughts.

I'll look forward to you telling us all about it!

[recoveringcutter]

yeah i did have a med change to a different med for my seziure

[Done-With-It!]

Yea, she's right, my med change almost killed me last time, it was horrible.
Hang in there, you'll get through this. It's taken me almost 8 months to get my meds on track...

[heather]

I hope evrything works out for you!!!!!!!