Deep cut bad bad day

[Kwstar]

hey everyone,
I posted about the cut on the temporary boards but idk where that post went. It isnt btr at all it is oozing a lot of pus now. And yesterday in English I was an idiot I was doing a crossword and having fun and my teacher saw it she pulled up my sleave and of course i naturally quick pulled it down bc i have some other older cuts above it not deep of course at all but ya she didnt see those i dont thinkshes like what happened i was so like idk. shes like did you fall im like ya. After class i had to go tell her a convincing lie otherwise she might report it she totally bought it i think i told her i fell of my horse into a barbed wire fence while jumping shes like ow!! im was trying to make small talk about it so it wouldnt be suspicious it worked but then shes like you need to go to the nurse. shes like im going to call her to make sure you get there im like oh shoot!!!!!!!!! im like ill go its fine shes like ok so i didnt go at lunch bc i didnt have time to eat and i didnt think she would call but she did so i went during 7nth and i asked if my teacher called and they said yes and im thinking oh no did she buy the story will the nurse call my parents? etc... so i managed to show it to her without her seeing the other ones phew!!!! she put steri strips on it bc its to late for stiches i told her my parents knew and luckily they didnt call another phew!!! But i found out today my teacher asked my study skill teacher what happened so im thinking maybe she didnt buy it but after i showed her the pic of my horse and stuff shes like oh ok i get it so i think im ok i just hope it dosnt come up at parents night i dont think it will bc they only have like 10 mins in each class and the teacher has to talk to everyone but stilll its next week maybe shell forget by then. my tkd teacher knows but she thinks my parents know but she wont talk to them about it i know she wont. thnxs for hearing me rant.................

[Dark_rainbowz]

its good to rant what made you want to cut? did something happen? if it gets bad youll have to have something done on it it could be realy serious, hope youre ok babe :( *hug*

[Chy]

Do you or don't you want to get help for this?
I'm glad you feel you can come here to vent and rant,
but I'm sorry I can't applaud you for lying about it to your teacher,
being dishonest with the nurse. Sounds to me like it's already
infected. You either want help or you don't, maybe the classroom
and being made the focus of attention when your teacher saw it
was uncomfortable. I get that totally, however to lie about what
it going on won't help you get the help you need to overcome this.

[Kwstar]

of course i want help Chy but i cant tell becasue I cant go through that again

[Dark_rainbowz]

but what are you putting yourself through by cutting and then keeping secret? much more harmful for you than if you told sweeti, one day youll be discovered whatever you do and youll have to come clean.

[Done-With-It!]

I agree, if you would have had an infection like you thought the other night, your parents would have found out, because you would have ended up in the hospital.

What was so bad about the first time you told them?
Were you ever in counseling for this or ever gotten any kind of help for this at all?

[Chy]

How's the cut did you go to the doctor?

[Kwstar]

My parents didnt understand the first time, well theres been like 5 times but ya they think im a freak my sis is perfect going to stanford straight a student national chess player and so much more me, im a disappointment and i know thats what they think yes i did go to counseling but i feel like they will give up on me. my tkd teacher is the only one who dosnt give up on me she cares. chy the cut is pussing a lot still and its still open no scab i keep it closed with tape that act like steri strips my arm aches but whatever im not gonna die.

[Done-With-It!]

Well keep putting peroxide on it.

[Chy]

Honey after so many days of pussing it begins to gangrine this is really bad. At least let the school nurse look at it okay? You may need antibiotics at this point and if it goes to gangrine, not to scare you but you can loose your arm. It's been to long is there a free clinic you can go to?

Keep trying with your parents, you have to understand people avoid what they don't understand. Keep trying to communicate and explain that you understand that they don't understand. You can not walk around like it's not a problem, I know it's very hard
just keep trying to talk to them. Do your parents use a computer? Can you maybe email your folks a link to selfinjury.com? Some parents think their kid is the only one with this problem when truth is it's nearly epidemic now. So they won't know unless you teach them ya know?

[Chy]

i feel like they will give up on me

You FEEL, but don't know.. anyone in the helping profession won't give up on you..

[Kwstar]

its not gangrine if i tell the nurse she will tell my parents if it gets wore ill show my tkd teacher shes a nurse.

[Chy]

Then there is a really good reason to show the nurse, let HER be the one to talk to your parents about it as she's a professional and maybe they WILL in fact listen to her. Be honest with you tkd teach k? I know it's gonna be heard but you'll never get the help you want unless you start asking ya know? All to scary but just try... and keep trying. What about your sister? Does she know? Can you talk to her maybe too?

[Kwstar]

NO NO i cant tell my sis shed go straight to my parents i cant tell my tkd teacher she thinks my parents know i cant tell her the truth now it would break her heart i cant do that i cant tell anyone.

[Dark_rainbowz]

but it probably breaks her heart, your tkd teacher that yu do this to yourself anyway, the truth will come out some day so why not make it now? if it was your last day today, would you not tell them? do something sweeti, you have to one day *hug*

[Chy]

What are you afraid of happening if your parents find out? My bet is they already know and are scared and don't know HOW to help you cause you keep lying about it all the time, after a time they're going to find out, so rather make it into a huge production when that happens wouldn't you want it to be in a more calm and positive understanding way for them to know and learn to understand? You are putting so much stress on yourself because of the lies, look how they are building already. You can't cover all your stories at some point the truth will come out and it's best to come from you. I know it's hard but your parents are the only ones in life who can truly help you protect you and love you. They love you, I'm sure of it. They're just afraid and uncertain to.

[Kwstar]

i guess but this time my parents have no clue

[Dark_rainbowz]

why dont you want to tell them, tell me every reason in the world why you dont want them to know. what could possibly happen? they would only do whats best, whether you want it or not. ask yourself this: will you ever tell them?

[Kwstar]

no i wont becasue having them knowing hurts them its best if they dont know it at all.

[Dark_rainbowz]

why did you start cutting etc in the first place?