confused

[SilentAngelxx]

sorry if this isnt very clear, im not used to putting this sort of stuff into words, especially when i know it is going to be read by other people...

i dont understand myself, i managed a week free of self harm and i just got so confused. i thought that i would feel somewhat proud of myself for actually managing to resist (i was away anyway with friends so it would have been hard to even if i had wanted to) but i didnt feel good about myself, as if i had accomplished something. it made me feel so pathetic and stupid even though i do [kinda] want to quit - ok, i did want to but if that is how it will make me feel im not so sure any more.

i have only been SHing for 7 months but it has done so much damage to my life and everything. friendships are falling apart and it is all my fault.
nothing seems real, putting it into writing and talking about it to people scares me and it scares me everytime i see the scars. i dont understand how i came to be like this, it just feels like a dream that i am going to wake up from any moment and none of it would have ever happened.

i just dont know what to do anymore, i cant understand myself

sorry for wasting your time
angel
xx

[annihilate_me]

Angel, You're not wasting any of our time. That's what we're here for, to listen and give advice.

This is a very complicated predicament, and I don't know if I can honestly give you advice. I've been confused with my involvement in self injury, and I still wonder at times, but when I quit; everything slowly recuperated from the damage I caused by self injury.

Knowing you need to cease is a big step, and whether or not you feel accomplished you know it's a necessity to your well-being. Maybe you can use your scars in to scaring you to quit. Could that be a possibility?

Just try to take time and recognize your triggers, that's the second step to recovery. If you know your triggers, you can avoid them.

I hope I've helped some. If you need anything, please, again feel free to PM me.

Take Care and Stay Safe!
Amanda.