A little feedback please...

[Kellie]

I would like to explore a topic here and find out if all the stuff my son is into on the internet and with his friends (peers) is the norm. He is 15.
I have to admit that i am surprised at the level of sexual talk and sexually oriented photos and activities that are discussed in places like "My Space".
We live in Arizona....
I recently was talking with a friend over in Santa Fe, NM and her daughter is the same age as my son. The motto is no longer "sex, drugs and rock and roll" but "alcohol,sex and drugs" I find that interesting.
My son and I have a pretty open realtionship and because i am pretty straight forward (which he sometimes wishes I were not so blatantly honest)
I also know that he most certainly does not share everything with me and that sometimes he enjoys trying to shock me.
Anyway I was hoping for a little feedback about the level of sexuality amongst your peers and whether you think it is a good thing or bad thing.

Thank you in advance for sharing...
Kel

[*silenced*]

I recon it depends.
There no denying it, that people are having sex way eariler, ever since the 60 and 70s, teenagers have been having sex way younger.
Firstly, I guess hes a teenage boy, and come on, of corse he wasnt to rebel and have fun, but as long as you trust him and know that hes sensible (perhaps not?!) then he'll be fine.
The internet can be a good thing, or a bad thing, the whole internet porn industry is making millions every year, its sad but it seems to just be accepted as the norm now.
Well, over here its still sex, drugs and rock and roll, cos whats rock and roll without alcohol right?! Only kidding, only kidding. The Rock and roll part is the best bit, that stuffs never gonna die!
Its inevitable that hes gonna experiment with sex, drugs and alcohol, especially with drugs and alcohol being as accsesable and sex seems to be on every teenage boys agenda somewhere!
I dont really know what the norm is for 15 yr olds to access on the internet, I suppose it varies, what your friends do...ect but I frankly think its pretty distgusting and kinda offensive, I guess its ok if the people looking at that kind of stuff are reminded that women are not just sex toys or whatever, because I think that message could come across sometimes.
Ive noticed, that a lot of teenge guys I know are generally not the gentlemen you'd hope they'd be, I dont know if we are ment to be flattered, but a lot of guys dont see the point in a real relationship, just sex, I hope they learn that theres more to a relationship than just that. Perhaps tv/internet plays a role in this?

[Kellie]

Thank you.
and thank you for bringing up the subject of sex vs. real intimate relationship's with people. I have had discussion's with him in this regard.
I too wonder how the internet will end up affecting the mindset of it's users when it comes to the availability of sexually oriented material.

[*silenced*]

I think so many teenagers (girls and boys) dont understand or arnt able to be in a real relationship nowadays, its all about sex because thats what people see on tv, thats what they see on the net, thats how their parents act (obviously not in all cases, but you get my point).
Ok, teenagers are going to experiment and think about sex, but if they think thats what everything is about, thats not good. So many guys just want sex without responsibility or real emotion or a relationship.
I guess in the next decade or so, we will find out, because this generation is the first to grow up in this world, how it is now. I know sex and porn and sexual images on tv have been around, but things have definatly changed since say the 50s or 60s and sex on the internet has only just really taken off.
It just makes me wonder that if women are portrayed as objects on tv and the internet, what will the viewers think?
And if sex is put before real relationships, if people dont even know how to be a in a real relationship, what will happen?

[denny]

i supose were i live and the pepal i hung out wiv, sex was a part of everyday life and relationshipes seem like to mush harssle, i hung out wiv manly boys and there was a hole competiveness around how many pepal you had slept wiv and very few of us were in relationships and the ones who were normaly were cheating, and the hole drugs acohol were all part of it, for me sex was part of my low-self esteem and not being able to handle being in a relationship wiv one person and that it seem more acepterable to sleep around also at skool one of the main things we talked about was sex and how many pepal we'd slept wiv, i think there is more pursure on young pepal to have sex at an earlyer age and the examples of relationships i had seen were hell my parnents didn't set a brillant example and wiv a hell of a lot more pepal spilting up wen there kids are young and you see all the yelling and fighting and for me i throught all relationships wud be like that and if thats how they are i never wonted to be in one. tv and internet don't offten show a happy loving relationship. it shows sex all the time.

[Kellie]

Thank you for sharing that Denny... how are you doing?

[Chy]

Good topic Kel. I know there is one site I won't mention I monitor and forbid my son from going to. Otherwise I usually find him jacking up dads credit card on online purchases for his drums. *LOL*

But I listen to the kids in my classroom and I think a majority of the more rebellious types are moving in the direction you describe.

[Chy]

...oh you mentioned it.. *LOL*

[Kellie]

I did...

[Done-With-It!]

Why is there such commotion over myspace? Not being defensive, I'm just so curious about the big uproar all a sudden. I read about it on some
other threads. I've been on it forever, and all "My girls" are on it.
My girls meaning the kids I watched grow up. They're like my little sisters.
That's why I'm curious. What am I missing about the concern. Besides the obvious of them going out and meeting people?

[pedagogue]

I think it starts in the home. If you educate your son/daughter about sex, being a sexual being, respect for yourself, respect for others, etc.....you can go a long way in curbing many of the problems today's pre-teens and teens are going through. I can't tell you the kind of "facts" i hear in the hallways about sex/dating. Misinformation is rampant. The internet is both the best/worst thing for kids. It provides a wealth of information without really explaining the good/bad/ugly. Kids are smart, but that doesn't mean they won't do dumb things....and parents need to be ok with that (to a point).

Kids need to understand that they don't know everything, but their parents probably don't understand what they do and don't know. Your parents are not experts at raising kids and dealing with issues like sex, drugs, and rock and roll. If you have a question...ASK THEM. If you can't talk to your parents, talk to a friend's parent, an aunt/uncle, a cousin, older sister, etc. It is far better to be a little embarrassed and KNOW what you need to know, then going into a situation without any idea and hoping for the best. I think if parents had an open dialogue (parents and kids laugh at that idea), and they made sex a normal topic and not taboo, it'd be easier. You don't need to have "the talk", you need to be educated though.

As for MySpace.....it can be ok, but I'd be VERY hesitant for people <18 to be on there. They have other services aimed at 12-17. I know a famous 'boy band' singer is funding a service for teens and pre-teens. The name escapes me, and i'm not sure it has officially launched, but it was a service similar to MySpace for the 'tweener generation. (12-17).

-p

[Kellie]

Thank you DWI and Ped for your thoughts on My Space.

I do have a very open and up-front relationship with my son... I have no problem discussing or addressing issues that mainstream culture chooses to put it's head in the sand over. I feel good knowing that my son can talk to myself or my brother or any other family member about anything and feel comforatble to do it... and he does to the best of my knowledge.
i really just wanted to know how others in his age range feel about the ever changing world we live in and specifically the new attitudes about sex and it's role on the internet.

[pedagogue]

For that answer....you'll be suprised. Sex is very much front and center for many. It is sad to see so many kids having kids. Hopefully through education and some back to basics parenting this trend can change.

-p

[Done-With-It!]

So what do the rest of you teens and young adults think about the whole topic? Just curious.

[*silenced*]

Pedagogue, I agree! I know girls who have had kids, and you see 16 or 17 year olds who have children, which I think its quite sad really.
If people were more informed about sex and contraception then young people wouldnt be getting pregnant.
Your right that a lot of kids dont know much about sex, but you'd be suprised! Most young kids (younger than me) know a lot about sex and have even had experiance with it.
I think parents do need to take it upon themselves to talk to kids about sex and relationships and espcially about contraception, because sex ed. in schools just dosnt work, at least over here.
If young people respected themselves and were properly informed about all aspects of sex, they could make informed decisions instead of just doing what everyone else was doing.
Peer pressure does enter into it a lot and I know lots of (girls especially) people who have really regretting losing their virginity or somthing because they felt they had to or people would think less of them for saying no.

[pedagogue]

Here are some recent articles about MySpace.....though take them with a grain of salt because part of the reason they are printed is to get people's attention, so....

CNN

NEW HAVEN, Connecticut (AP) -- On MySpace.com, teenagers can find kindred spirits who share their love of sports, their passion for photography or their crush on a Hollywood star. They can also find out where their online friends live, where they attend school, even what they look like.
And so can adults.
Parents, school administrators and police are increasingly worried that teens are finding trouble online at sites like MySpace, the leader among the social-networking sites that encourage users to build larger and larger circles of friends.
Police in Middletown, Connecticut, are investigating recent reports that as many as seven local girls were sexually assaulted by men in their 20s who contacted them through MySpace pretending to be teenagers. (Full story)
One girl allowed a man into her room while her parents were home, police said, underscoring just how in the dark parents often are about one of the most popular Web activities for teens today.
There are other reports like these scattered around the country, prompting some parents and schools to equate the likes of MySpace with the Internet's red-light district, even as many experts believe that the worries are greater than the actual dangers.
Joseph Dooley is among those who has heard it all before. A retired FBI agent who supervised the agency's first undercover Internet task force in New England, Dooley remembers when America Online chat rooms were the rage. Teens posted detailed profiles of themselves and chatted with any of AOL's subscribers.
Chat rooms soon gave way to services like MySpace, but Dooley said the rules have not changed and parents need to become more engaged.
"Let the kids know, on the Internet, you don't know who you're talking to," Dooley said. "Parents aren't the friends of their kids. Parents needs to know and observe what their kids are doing."
That can be daunting for working parents. Keeping tabs on the kids used to mean knowing where they went after school, not whom they talked to in their bedrooms.
So when they hear of a new fad among teens, their instinct is to worry.
And the horror stories are indeed terrifying.
Last month, for example, 14-year-old Judy Cajuste was found strangled and naked in a Newark, New Jersey, garbage bin. Police seized a computer from her bedroom after friends said she told them of a man in his 20s she met on MySpace. The death remains unsolved.
Beyond the threat of abduction, bullies who once made the rounds on playgrounds are using Web logs and home pages to spread rumors and lies faster than the schoolyard grapevine ever could.
MySpace profiles have been used to threaten classmates and in at least one case, to mock a school principal.
Many schools have responded by restricting Internet access from school computers. One private school in Newark, New Jersey, ordered students to remove all personal blogs from the Internet, even if accessed from home, to protect them from online predators.
Some parents, like Ululani Stauffacher of Eureka, California, forbid their children from using MySpace. Stauffacher said her 17-year-old daughter ran off for two days with a 19-year-old man she met online.
"I was going crazy," Stauffacher said. "I was just hearing things about MySpace and incidents of girls missing and some don't get returned to their families. All that I was thinking about was that my daughter was going to be another statistic."
The concerns are not limited to MySpace, but the News Corp. unit gets the attention because of its sheer size -- 54 million users, a quarter of them registered as teens.
MySpace forbids minors 13 and under from joining and provides special protections for those 14 and 15 -- only those on their friends' list can view their profiles. Nonetheless, kids lie when they sign up, and many of their profiles carry photos of themselves in suggestive poses, along with personal information against the site's recommendations.
"They're licking their lips and arching their back for the camera because they can, and they have no idea of the consequences," said Parry Aftab, an Internet safety expert.
But Aftab said most MySpace users are not getting themselves in trouble.
Experts say that banning children from using social-networking sites is akin to forbidding them from going to the mall or the movie theater for fear they will be abducted.
"I wish I could hover over my children 24-7, but the best I can do is teach them that there are ways to keep themselves safe," said Steve Jones, a communications professor who studies new media at the University of Illinois at Chicago.
In a statement, MySpace said it has developed safety tips for parents and children and devotes scores of employees to monitoring the site around the clock. The site also has ways for users to report inappropriate behavior. The company says it removes inappropriate images and closes accounts that violate its rules.
Chris DeWolfe, MySpace's chief executive, encourages parents to talk to their kids about Internet safety, but Aftab said many parents ignore advice until it is too late.
Connecticut Chief State's Attorney Christopher Morano, who has strictly limited the information his 10- and 12-year-old children put on the Internet, said he was surprised to learn that they had been contacted by strangers they believed were pedophiles. His kids ignored it, Morano said, but parents need to closely monitor Internet activity.
"You wouldn't leave your kid on the side of the highway without supervision," Morano said. "You shouldn't put them on the Internet highway without the same type of supervision."

2nd Article from CNN

DENVER, Colorado (AP) -- A 16-year-old boy was arrested Wednesday after postings on the popular Web site MySpace.com allegedly showed him holding handguns, authorities said.
The teen was being held at a juvenile detention center facing three misdemeanor charges of juvenile possession of a handgun, said district attorney spokeswoman Pam Russell. He is due in court February 27.
Police searched the boy's home after receiving a tip from Evergreen High School on February 10, the same day he was suspended, officials said.
School spokesman Rick Kaufman said parents were calling with concerns and some kept their children home after photographs posted on the boy's profile on MySpace.com, a social networking Web site, began circulating through the community.
One photo allegedly showed him lying on a floor surrounded by nine rifles with the caption, "Angel o' death on wings o' lead."
"The photos were very disturbing, and while the content was not a direct threat, we just felt it was important for us to take appropriate disciplinary action," Kaufman said, adding the student could be expelled.
Evergreen High School is in the same district as Columbine High School, where two teenage gunmen killed 12 students and a teacher before committing suicide in 1999. One of the gunmen had posted a threat on the Internet before the shootings.

-p

[Kellie]

Thank you for sharing that Ped....

[Done-With-It!]

I still don't get the point about this big uproar about Myspace. I've read those articles and a few others. That stuff happens everyday. It's not the fault of MySpace. Myspace is getting blamed because it's famous now. There was friendster and hi5 way before myspace. This same stuff went on there, but they aren't as big as Myspace, so they aren't getting all this negative attention.

MySpace is Just like the internet, it's just like living in Hollywood. It's exactly what you make of it. I could walk out my door tomorow and get killed, and people would blame it on Hollywood. I could find a hook up anytime of the day on the internet and get hurt. It's more about the choices you make. If you ask me.

I'm getting defensive about Myspace lately because of all the knocks it's getting. I think Tom is a marketing genius. The owners of craigs are getting sued also. Good grief. Going to sites like that don't take away your responsibilities, and that's what I think people are doing.

Why don't we hear about all the good stories that craigs and myspace have brought out. Craigs has brought some amazing things to our economy, life, etc. But it depends on why you visit when you go there.

Parents have a responsibility these days in talking to their kids, and remembering how much I looked up to my teachers, maybe they should have the talk with their kids too.
I know parents are banning their kids from Myspace, and if you ask me from the teens I know these days, that's JUST going to make them
sneak and get on it. Teach them good habits, tell them the dangers and then check on them to see if they are making good choices.
Banning them isn't going to help so much.

I don't know, what do the rest of you teens think? Maybe I'm way to defensive. Who knows.