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#1
04-27-2007, 08:02 pm
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POEM! Critique Please. (Triggering Content)
I'd like some critique on this poem. I still have yet to put a title on it though. Please tell me what you think, and I you all like it, I'll put some more up for you to critique.
[untitled] Lying here, asking why. Why you left me, you just died. Was it you or was it me, We’ll never know, let us see. Desperation has my hand, leading me to an unknown land. The skies are dark, no nature grows. These concrete walls enclose me. “Here” you say, “Follow me. I will show you, so you can see.” Your breath is cold or so it seems, I’m hoping someone hears my screams. I’m waking up and you’re not there, feeling staleness in the air. Trying hard to stop the tears, realizing you’re still near.
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You can't run away forever, but there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.        
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#3
04-27-2007, 08:19 pm
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That's GREAT!!! I really like it!!
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You know I like my chicken fried
Well I`ve seen the sunrise See the love in my Man's Eyes Feel the touch of a precious child And I know a Mother`s Love  And its funny how it`s the simple things in life that mean the most Raise you glasses for a toast To a little bit of chicken fried ---- -If You Don't Got Much Time- What are YOU Gonna Do 
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#4
04-27-2007, 08:42 pm
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That is really powerful... it is good. That is my critique... agree with Velvet, if flows REALLY well. WoW...
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When push comes to shove you taste what you're made of. Decide you've had enough, You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off, THEN YOU STAND.  The Aliens are REAL, it is the Air Force that is FAKE!
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#5
04-28-2007, 02:16 pm
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i really like it =D
well done xx
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