Christmas

[*silenced*]

Now, I know this may seem a strange theme to bring up in the Depression forum, but I bet if you all think about it, you will remember a Christmas when either you or someone you know has suffered depression around Christmas?

For years I've hated Christmas, whether it's to do with SAD (Sesonal Affective Disorder) or just a lack of Christmas cheer, I dunno, but I've often experianced depression around this time of year.
I'm no sob story or anything, but I know I and other people find it real hard around Christmas time 'cos we're not with/in contact with our families.
I know it dosn't need to be a family day to be a happy day, the other Christmas I wasn't living at home and I was in a real bad way I seem to remember, and I got taken in on Christmas day by the drug help clinic guys and that was the first time I ever enjoyed Christmas.
But I can't help feeling a little pang for the family I have no hope of getting back, although I've got a wonderful sponser and friends at the centre who are like family to me, blood is thicker than water you know? That's a stupid expression I guess, but I just can't help it!
And I know other people feel this way too around this time of year.

So, instead of falling into a seasonal depression, I decided to see if anyone on here felt the same? This site is a lot like a family and Christmas can be fun for some of us, but for others it's a hard time and I just want everyone to know that how ever you feel about this holiday season, you gotta talk about it and you don't have to be happy just 'cos it's Christmas.
I hate Christmas, for me I have a lot of bad memories of things that happened around this time and I just find it so hard to keep my head up around December and Janurary.
So, lets be Scrooge's together eh?

[Chy]

Maybe this will be the year that you find your Christmas Spirit? You've come a long way kiddo and we're very proud and grateful for you. You to have lots to be grateful for. I understand though what you are saying. This IS a very difficult time of year for many and we're here for those who feel down about it.

[blackxmas09]

Yeah *silenced* I know what you mean. Because every time this year I get that way, I hate it. That's why my screen name is blackxmas, christmas time is always a dark time for me.
I think it's because I have to see my family, and I never want to. They don't like me.
Since I dress in black a lot, and my skin is white and not tan like theres. They think I"m a devil worshipper or something.
But I'm sorry silenced. I hope that this christmas will be better. ^_^

[*silenced*]

I hope your Christmas will be bareable too blackxmas09 (like the name btw!).
I know it's annoying having to see your family, when I did on Christmas I utterley loathed it! But well, just make the most of having them at all, that's all.
All this family christmas cheer, it really makes me regret the things that happened between my parents. I know there's no way I can contact any of my family without getting hurt, and I know if I did I would only be disappointed again, but I can't help, not missing them as people, 'cos they were awful to me, but well...the idea of them, of blood relatives who want me around really.
Well, here's a good suggestion for Christmas, this is what my sponser and I are doing. We're gonna help out serving Christmas dinner to homeless and help organise the Christmas party at the drug help centre that I volenteer at. It's a good distraction on the actual day and I'm not gonna pretend it's so magical I get all full of Christmas spirirt or anything, but it's pretty fun too!

Yeah I remember being forced to go the France or wherever with my family at Christmas and hating it, but well, they're your family, I wish I'd at least made an effort.

[NoOneCanHearYou]

The Christmas cheer thing is usually the opposite for my family. Since I have major issues with my Dad there's not really much cheer in it at all. But that makes me think selfish really....cause I know they try around this time of year, it just doesn't go as planned. =/
Plus this time of year is Xmas break and I HATE it with a passion. I just don't want to hear any fighting.
The only thing I really want is a good relationship with my dad but that's never gonna happen anytime soon ya know???

So yeah I totally know what you're feeling Lol


I really hope it comes better for you *hugs*

[blackxmas09]

Why did you say it's opposite? We're agreeing that we don't like it. LOL ^_^
I love ya girl! LoL

But yeah, I don't like this time of year, because my Dad thinks everything is about him, and he's always got to ruin it with something.
And I HATE being called a Devil worshipper, I don't even believe in the devil, so how the hell am I suppost to worship him?
They are all so christian, and I have NOTHING against that (some of my friends are) and I'm fine, it's just they always tell my parents that they need to take me to religious counseling and stuff. That makes me mad.

And Shelbs, you hopefully will someday, I wish that me and my Dad did to, cuz we don't.
And I know how your feeling too.

and *silenced* I hope that things are better for you this xmas. I hope that you can get a bond with them again. =]

[NoOneCanHearYou]

I said that being cheery during Christmas is the opposite in my family. We don't have that that much. It's sad cause my mom really wants me and my dad to get along, but he said he wants nothing more to do with me and hopes I leave the house pretty soon. And then he makes some comment about how I never hang around him and he's "trying" to build a better relationship with me. Yeah right.


Anyway that was a bit off subject lol ^_^

[blackxmas09]

Oh God, that sounds like my Dad. He's always telling me how much he tries, when he doens't really...

[NoOneCanHearYou]

I know I HATE it!!!! It makes me sooo angry.

[blackxmas09]

Yep, me to. I hate it the way that things are, but the thing that makes me more angry, is that there's nothing that we can do about it, we just have to put up with it.
Like last night I came home in a good mood from work, and my Dad had to ruin it. He's so mean.

But the only thing I like about Christmas is the presents, me and my mom and sister get along GREAT, but not me and my Dad.

[NoOneCanHearYou]

That's how it is with my family. Everyone else is okay, except my dad. I think he's just depressed idk. =/

[blackxmas09]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I think that's my Dad's problem. He's always sad around this time because his other kids don't have anything to do with him.
I don't care though, that doesn't mean he has to take out his problems on everyone else and be mean.
And another reason I hate X-Mas, is because his other kids come over, and they ruin mine, they tell him that they love him, and that they will start calling, and they get his hopes up, and they never do.
Then we have to see him sad all the time over and over again, just because they lie to him ALL the time...

Sorry...needed to vent that.

[*silenced*]

I'm sorry that neither of you get on with your fathers, honestly, I know how you feel.
But, just give it a go this Christmas eh?
I really wish I'd made an effort with my father, he's not a kind man, but I think that if I'd tried perhaps he wouldn't have turned out how he is now.

I know what it's like to have religious family. I have Jewish and Catholic family, and neither particuarly liked me. It's difficult because some religious people judge their family members for their life styles, but well, you just gotta put your argument diplomatically and try the sort of, I'll have my opinion and you have yours and leave it behind when you see each other.

Thanks, but I can't build a bond with my family again, at least for a while. It's too dangerous for me, after getting kicked out I havn't seen my mother, and I've tried to make up with my father but, he really messed up and I've had to make threats of restraining orders, it's not safe for me to be around them, firstly becauase I often get physically hurt by my father and I cannot risk seeing some members of my family because they have done me awful wrongs and I will not go through those wrongs again. Last time I saw my father it caused a relapse and I value my sobriety before them. Sound a bit harsh, but I can't risk getting back into drugs for them, after everything they've done to me. It's not fair on the people who love me now or me.
It's best for me to leave them behind, but it's hard because although they did me wrong, I do miss my young childhood when I had some bond with my father at least. And sometimes it feels I should make the effort but seeing as they havn't, it's obvious they do not want me around.

It's strange when parents become down and depressed because they're like a symbol of strength for kids usually. But you know, give them a break? When you're down you'd hope they'd do the same for you. I mean, it's not fair for them to ruin your Christmas, but do your best. I know it's annoying, but I really don't want you to make the mistakes I did, you've got a family, I mean, all families have problems and if you work through them, then perhaps you can build a real relationship with your parents? You'll regret it if you don't, really, I did.

[blackxmas09]

Well, I'm sorry that you have had such a hard time with your Dad too, I would think it would be hard to get a relationship again, if I was in your situation.

And I don't think there is anything wrong with a parent being depressed, because everyone gets that way one time or another, I'm just saying, that he tries to put it all on us, blaming me and my Mom for the reason his other kids don't come around. That's what bothers me. I don't think it's our faults, they were that way to him before me and my Mom even came into his life. I don't know...I just hope this one will be different.

About what you said that perhaps I can build a real relationship with my parents, I have. I have one with my Mom and my sister, and I guess I can say I kind of do with my Dad, it's just he yells at me CONSTANTLY, so...I don't know. He tells me that me and him have one, but I disagree...people don't treat others like that if they have one.

And about the regretting it...there's nothing to regret when it's not your fault...so...yeah.... =/

[NoOneCanHearYou]

Originally Posted by blackxmas09

Well, I'm sorry that you have had such a hard time with your Dad too, I would think it would be hard to get a relationship again, if I was in your situation.

And I don't think there is anything wrong with a parent being depressed, because everyone gets that way one time or another, I'm just saying, that he tries to put it all on us, blaming me and my Mom for the reason his other kids don't come around. That's what bothers me. I don't think it's our faults, they were that way to him before me and my Mom even came into his life. I don't know...I just hope this one will be different.

About what you said that perhaps I can build a real relationship with my parents, I have. I have one with my Mom and my sister, and I guess I can say I kind of do with my Dad, it's just he yells at me CONSTANTLY, so...I don't know. He tells me that me and him have one, but I disagree...people don't treat others like that if they have one.

And about the regretting it...there's nothing to regret when it's not your fault...so...yeah.... =/

I second that.

[blackxmas09]

Originally Posted by NoOneCanHearYou

I second that.

LoL! Yep...

[denny]

i find xmas hard to coz i only got a relatioship back wiv mi faimly the last few yaers and ever1 gets stresed out and it all ways fraeks me out coz of mi dad having a bad temper and i still get a bit scared wen he loses his temper even no he hasnt hit me 4 over 3 yaers and i get on wiv mi mum and dad now a lot better than it was, but i hate xmas coz everybodys home mi 4sisters and one of there husbands it just makes fight more often i can only deal wiv one at a time, i hope all of your xmas go ok and u all get throw it alrigth, i've arraged to fone one mi frends at set times so we can talk and lost of mi frends from rehaband me meet up xmas eve so i dont let mi head go off on one last year it worked quite well so hopfully it will b ok and maybe u cud try letting some1 no wen it gets u down (cum on here and say whats going on in ur head or chat to one ur frends)
denny

[*silenced*]

Fair enough, I didn't mean there was anything wrong with parents being depressed, but that for their children it can be strange, for example, I have never seen either of my parents cry, not one, I've never seen any person in my family cry I don't think. And for me, it would be very strange to see that, not wrong, but different you see? Perhaps it's just my parents, I dunno.

And yes, you're right, it's not fair if your parents take it out on you, that is wrong.

I know it's not your fault, but it dosn't always have to be your fault to make you regret things aftwards. It's not my fault my parents were so unfair to me, even if I did make mistakes, it's not right for anyone to be treated that way. But I still regret that, perhaps I could have made the effort, I mean, as it got worse, it was them who should have made the effort to help me, or just to not be awful to me, or to protect me, it was not my fault. But I still feel bad, mabey it's just a thing with me, I've blamed myself for what happened for ages, it's just beginning to come out for me that I can face it and say, no, it wasn't my fault, but it's taken a lot of time and help for me to say that.

It's good you have a relationship with your mother and sister, that's awsome! You are right, I mean, a relationship takes two, and if you're doing your bit and he isn't, then there's not a lot more you can do, so yeah, I see what you mean.
I'm sorry, I'm just keen to encourage relationships, 'cos where I've missed out, I just don't want that to happen to anyone else, you know?

That's awsome denny, that you've found a way of dealing with it. Cheers for the advice, might do that actually!

[blackxmas09]

I've seen quite a few people in my family cry, usually since there have been so many funerals and stuff...I don't like it.

And yes, I have tried to get a relationship with my Dad, but that's not going to happen. We were actually talking about this this morning. About how nice he was when I was a kid, but then he changed when I became older. He said that I'm just thinking up everything, and that it's not true. When I know it is...

I'm sorry that there isn't a way you can get a relationship with your family, that must be rough. I am very grateful that I am able to have one with my sister and mom. They are great. ^_^

I just want to wish you ALL a Merry Christmas, no matter what it's like. =]

[NoOneCanHearYou]

I think that sometimes some relationships are just to broken to be fixed....if we could....then there wouldn't be so much hurt in here and there wouldn't be a soberteens really....I mean think about it. Most of us here have had a rough way to go whether it was with family, friends, or even ourselves. We've all had broken relationships with someone in our lives.....

But some can be fixed I agree with that....others not so much. I believe that my father's and my relationship can be fixed....and I'm trying really hard to make it possible for us to have a good relationship. But sometimes the other side of the relationship just doesn't want to make an effort and would rather blame others.....



I dunno what I'm saying really lol


Merry Christmas to everyone ^_^