A friend?

[PurplePeach]

So, I have a very close friend,who I know is battling anorexia, for about 5 years. I've only known her for 7 months give or take,but we are very close. Now,I am a self-injurer, and she knows this. The two are fairly similar emotionally. She worries about me,and I worry about her. But, I have never had an eating disorder.....and she is going through a very rough time right now, and I know her eating is bad right now,and her weight is not where it should be. What I'm wondering is what I can do to help her,as a friend,who also has her own emotional issues. I know I can't tell her bluntly to get up and stuff her face(I wouldn't want to hear someone just tell me bluntly to stop hurting myself),but how can I be supportive,without making her feel suffocated? How can I tell her she is beautiful,without making her feel if she were a bit skinnier...if there were a few more protruding bones...that she would be more beautiful? What can I do,as a friend who is aware of the problem,do to help her.

Please keep in mind I am not able to see her often in person.

Thank you,everyone,in advance,for your support.

[icthus77]

well i know this sounds cliche ish but i think just being there for her will help a lot. i have a couple of friends who self harm and i know thats not her issue but i cant do anything for them but be there. i cant make them stop and i cant take their pain for them. but i am always there ready to listen when they need to talk and when they are ready to quit i will be there to help them. just let her know how much u care and that ull be there and i know its hard when u cant see them physically face to face b/c i dont get to see my friends face to face either but keep being a great friend and in time she pull through just give her motivation and love. one couldnt ask for a better remedy.

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by PurplePeach

So, I have a very close friend,who I know is battling anorexia, for about 5 years. I've only known her for 7 months give or take,but we are very close. Now,I am a self-injurer, and she knows this. The two are fairly similar emotionally. She worries about me,and I worry about her. But, I have never had an eating disorder.....and she is going through a very rough time right now, and I know her eating is bad right now,and her weight is not where it should be. What I'm wondering is what I can do to help her,as a friend,who also has her own emotional issues. I know I can't tell her bluntly to get up and stuff her face(I wouldn't want to hear someone just tell me bluntly to stop hurting myself),but how can I be supportive,without making her feel suffocated? How can I tell her she is beautiful,without making her feel if she were a bit skinnier...if there were a few more protruding bones...that she would be more beautiful? What can I do,as a friend who is aware of the problem,do to help her.

Please keep in mind I am not able to see her often in person.

Thank you,everyone,in advance,for your support.

You know what helps me the most honestly? Is when people stop worrying about what they say and just say it...

I did actually eat for the first time in a few days tonight, and do you want to know why, lol, because some told me to stuff my face.. No, not in those words,
but she, (Velvet), wasn't worried in the least about what or how she said it, or
how many times she said it. I'm Not saying this will or does work with everyone,
but for me when people keep stepping around me lightly and talking to me like
I'm this fragile person who may break, I almost start thinking it, or start think-
ing or believing or it reconfirms my beliefs that yea I can't eat or I will die or
break or all these weird ideas I get in my head...

There are different times of course and different scenarios for every person and everytime. But I know when people are afraid of me and I feel horrible when they are. You know how when someone knows you are a cutter, and they start acting weird or they all of a sudden are afraid to make you mad, or tip toe around you because they are afraid that you might cut if they do something wrong?
And then you either feel 100 times worse or like a freak or you never know if they are really mad at you, or upset with you or what is going on??

I would just try not to worry to much about changing anything, you can always hold her accountable if you feel comfortable with that, vica verca, if you two are in a place where you are healthy enough, you can work together...
Just letting your relationship flow like normal will most likely help her, if she's quite, ask her what's up? If she scared to eat, tell her it's okay, Just be her friend. That is what helps me the most.
Just remember, don't take what she does personal, and if she tries to push you away don't let her. Vica Versa...
If you aren't able to deal with her at times but still want to help send her to the fishy site.
Does she know about the website, www.somethingfishy.org
let her know about it, it will be her life saver at times.
They are really tough there, but if you can take it, they can really help you, and get you out of your head. If she goes there, it will help her....

Take care of yourself first and foremost. The biggest difference I think between cutting and an e.d. is once you stop eating or throwing up, it starts
affecting how you think. And for some even a day can make a big difference,
it can be really hard to deal with people with e.d.s, but most of the time,
they do want help, they just scare people, just don't let her scare you.
Their harmless.

[PurplePeach]

Thank you,Done,that was really helpful. We are actually close,like,intimately. and I did buntly tell her that I thought she was too skinny. It was awkward,but I said it. And she said,"I know." Just plain and simply.I don't know what that means. I've thought about suggesting that we stop together,to her.I think I need the support of someone else to be able to stop as well. And we are both in the same place right now with our problems....wanting to stop,but just,the not wanting to stop seems to be bigger. I will give her that link.

Now,I lived with someone for 6 months,a very close friend of the family,who was bulimic/anorexic,and she got really serious.Well,there is an AMAZING program to help people with EDs near where we live......would it be a bad idea to suggest this?

So,what you have said is that it is a good idea to just be upfront about what I am thinking,but still be her friend and be there for her,no matterwhat the reactions are?

[Done-With-It!]

Thank you,Done,that was really helpful. We are actually close,like,intimately. and I did buntly tell her that I thought she was too skinny. It was awkward,but I said it. And she said,"I know." Just plain and simply.I don't know what that means.


Usually (for me) what that means is that there is two of me the ed part of me, and then there's me, there's the logical part, but there's like this person living inside of you that is holding you hostage literally and the more you fight to get out the more she pulls you back in.
So part of you knows when your too thin or that your sick or that you need to eat or even that your dying sometimes and if you don't do something you are going to die, then there's that girl, saying but if you DO eat you will get FAT and that WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE WILL SEE... ETC....

Her saying I know, is Logic, that is exactly what she needs to hear. The only way for her to make that girl go away is for her to become stronger again, it's NOT your job, but little things like that will help, and if she said, I know, she probably wants help.

This is an Excellent Read, and it's so true..

"IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME"

I've thought about suggesting that we stop together,to her.I think I need the support of someone else to be able to stop as well. And we are both in the same place right now with our problems....wanting to stop,but just,the not wanting to stop seems to be bigger. I will give her that link.


Here are two great links, lol, "I" was just given by the Admin recently..
They are good...

WAYS TO COPE


RECOVERY TOOLBOX

Like I said warn her they are Really Strict there, but if you tell them you need help or ask for it, they will bend over backwards to help you help yourself. But
it is very eating disorder recovery oriented if you try and get away with anything there they will lock your thread and make you start a new one, it's all about dealing with your issues, no skirting around what is going on. It's like being in a therapy session, lol... They help me so much though, you can just never take anything personal there....

Now,I lived with someone for 6 months,a very close friend of the family,who was bulimic/anorexic,and she got really serious.Well,there is an AMAZING program to help people with EDs near where we live......would it be a bad idea to suggest this?

No, that would be GREAT!!!! That is what saved me, I went to an AMAZING treatment program, It was great.
I would totally suggest it, if she can go. A lot of times people want to go, but
we think we don't have the right to eat, or deserve to eat or got get help. Sometimes just hearing it from someone else is all it takes..
or is what she needs to hear, whether she wants to hear it or not...


So,what you have said is that it is a good idea to just be upfront about what I am thinking,but still be her friend and be there for her,no matterwhat the reactions are?

Oh gawd yes.... Definately be upfront about what you are thinking...
Don't candy coat your self or hold yourself hostage to her disease
because then her disease wins....
And that is what it wants. Think about it as a different person almost,
it's not really her. When I talk to someone with an e.d. or who is talking
to me with an e.d. I can tell if it is them talking or their e.d
Right off the bat....
If it's them talking, I'll talk to them.
If it's their ed talking I'll talk to their ed.
You can talk to both. But their is no way I'm going to feed the ed with kind words. Do you know what I mean?? Because that is what is killing them.

I know because I do it, it's like this girl just comes out from the middle of nowhere and takes over sometimes, and I'm inside going WTF? and people buy it everytime... and it gets me what I want.... so I just sit back and let her take control..... and she does, and I lose weight or I think I'm protecting myself or whatever I am doing but inside I'm like dying, and
I'm hating myself every second...

By the time I finally went into treatment I was so stuck and far gone, I don't know how they ever got me out, but they took on that ed side of me, .... And it was a fight.
But you know what, I'm not unique like I thought I was, I was just
like every other girl in there, and every other girl that was there longer than me, knew my game because they had just been confronted also.

It's just a game..... I've watched girls confront each other so many times,
and it always works they always break....
So yes be upfront and don't worry about her reactions. She might freak out at first, don't worry about it... She'll be fine, and she'll love you more for it....


I wrote this thing about what I wish my parents would have done, along time ago, it's about an eating disorder, I'll see if I can find it.
It's just about not being afraid of it.
So many people are, and that's why it so often wins...
I'll post it or bump it if I can find it.

[LAStarlette]

Originally Posted by Done-With-It!

You know what helps me the most honestly? Is when people stop worrying about what they say and just say it...

Their harmless.

I agree so much. If everyone would stop being so afraid of me my life wouldn't be so hard!

[LAStarlette]

Done where do you find all this stuff. These made me cry so bad. Thank you for finding this. These are all so good!

If You Really Knew Me, You'd Know That...

1. I desperately want to be accepted
2. I am afraid of not winning this battle
3. Just now I am figuring out who I am
4. I have a hard time with the concept of forgiving
5. I smile all the time because I don't know what else to do
6. I am starting to become comfortable with the idea that I am ordinary and that there's nothing wrong with that
7. My eating disorder is not the problem; it's the symptom of my real problems
8. Sometimes I just want you to listen, not talk, not interrupt, not offer advice or suggestions. Sometimes all I want is you to sit there and listen and to feel like I have been heard
9. Sometimes the weight of my sadness is bone-crushing, like the pressure of water down deep
10. I hurt myself because it's the only feeling (pain) that I can stand to feel
11. I am terrified of not being a good enough mother
12. At the start of the next day, before I even brush my teeth, I ask God to help me stop myself from hurting either myself or anyone around me
13. I'm deathly afraid of growing up and dealing with all the things a grown-up must think about, even though I'm technically an adult
14. There are so many things I wish I could say
15. Words and actions hurt me even though they weren't meant to
16. I cry when you hug me because of the emptiness and pain I know I'll feel when you finally do let me go
17. I am so incredibly mean to myself. I wouldn't talk to any other person on earth the way I talk to myself
18. What I want right now more than anything is love from myself. If I had more self love, the criticisms, the negativity, the thoughts, the low self-esteem, the self-doubts would all cease
19. I sometimes need your help, but I'm not sure how to tell you this
20. I really do care about you, more than you could even imagine
21. I cry when no one is around
22. I am an emotional and sexual abuse survivor. I am on a healing mission to make sure I stop the cycle of abuse and never pass on what happened to me to someone else. I think that that makes me pretty unique and remarkable
23. I'm head-over-heels in love with my daughter and my husband
24. I hold back from full recovery because I hang on to anorexia as an excuse to not chase after my real goals
25. I don't like the eating disorder, I just am having a hard time disliking it
26. I felt too ashamed, too dirty, too embarrassed and too scared to tell you that I couldn't cope without hurting myself
27. I have a very difficult time seeing myself as a girl/woman/anything feminine
28. I want to make a difference in the world
29. I am unable to see my potential right now but it helps me to hear you when you tell me it's there
30. I'm afraid to know myself and understand my feelings and wishes
31. As I'm smiling and laughing, I have voices screaming and degrading me in my head
32. I blame myself for being raped
33. I am at a crossroads. For thirty-four years I have tried to be someone else. I have sweat, cried, screamed my way out of my skin
34. My family is more dysfunctional than I like to admit
35. When I laughingly say I don't want to grow up, I'm not joking. I really am terrified
36. I believe that everyone's flaws should be accepted and forgiven except for mine
37. My love for my son overwhelms me
38. I am honorable
39. I would give anything to get out of my head and into my body when I am being intimate with my boyfriend
40. I'm always in a state of obsession. My mind is always going a mile a minute and my ED is ALWAYS berating me for something. I never have a moment of pure peace or silence in my head
41. I'd love to escape to somewhere by the beach, eat, drink, dance, without a care in the world
42. I lied my way through treatment and I'm now paying the consequences
43. I'm scared to leave the student world and enter the real world alone
44. I miss my parents like mad
45. I feel there's an empty hole in me
46. Some days I feel like the old me & it feels so liberating
47. More than anything I long for a mother who loves me and listens to me and to go home and feel safe
48. I feel guilty about all the pain I feel
49. I hate, absolutely hate, feeling vulnerable and I will do almost anything to avoid it
50. I feel nothing most of the time and I wait to see your reactions before I know how to respond/reply/react myself
51. I am really sensitive although I appear unfeeling
52. I'll lie to everybody to keep them from being hurt or from hurting them
53. I feel like a complete failure as a mother
54. What I want most is to just hear that I am ok just the way I am even if my natural state isn't common, normal or cool
55. I worship the ground my big sister walks on and she doesn't even know it. I compare myself to everything she does
56. What you said/did hurts
57. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere and I feel like an alien and that I don't belong in this time because my outlook feels so foreign
58. I don't like myself right now and I need support, but then when I get that support, I'm scared to let go of it again, scared that I'll lose it
59. I still sleep with a stuffed animal
60. No one could berate me more than I do myself
61. I hate being needy and yet I long to be taken care of
62. I am a scared little girl searching for a daddy to love her
63. Without this mask I don't really know who I am
64. I'm not trusting of anyone
65. I simultaneously crave both fitting in and standing out. I feel like a failure when I'm different, and I feel like a failure when I blend
66. The ED was the only constant in my life, the only thing which felt unchanging regardless of what external events happened. The ED was the only guarantee, the only certainty, the only thing loyal to me throughout everything that came my way
67. I wish that I didn't hate myself but at the same time, I don't know how it would feel to like myself
68. I am so afraid of being in an intimate relationship with a man, and I fear I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life
69. I'm afraid I won't be a good mom
70. I wear my weight like an armor
71. The bigger my smile, the larger my pain
72. I use my body to convey what my words cannot
73. I always feel like a burden but usually I hide that
74. I don't want you to give up on me
75. I have big dreams and wish that I believed enough to make them become a reality
76. I don't even know myself
77. I want to love my father, but I cannot figure out how
78. For years, I longed for someone to know my secret, in the hope they'd stop the pain and stop me from hurting because I didn't care enough about myself to stop myself
79. When I do something stupid, and remember it later, the "me" in the memory always looks fat and ugly
80. I have no confidence in myself or my abilities
81. I struggle to believe in myself at times and fear being hurt by criticism but I am courageous and don't shrink back from those things I am gifted at
82. I will not show that I am mad at you. In fact, I probably won't even feel mad at you, unless someone else reassures me that it IS something to be mad about
83. I want to find something that will make my parents proud of me
84. I don't really give a rat's ass about how I look. I only talk about it so much as a way of verbalizing all the fears inside me that I don't know how to identify
85. I love you even when you don't think I do
86. I pray that I will still be able to have children someday
87. I'm so, so sorry for all the times I lied to you
88. I am scared ****less because I don't know what to do with my life and I cannot cope without direction
89. I only pretend to be immature: I'm scared to show you just how serious and deep I can be
90. I need help believing in myself
91. I am holding on to my faith and my belief in God
92. I don't know who I am or what I'm all about
93. I don't feel that I deserve your unconditional love
94. Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment
95. I won't ever measure up to "you"
96. I harbor an immense amount of guilt over my actions and this prevents me from telling you, as I don't want you to shoulder my pain and my burden, or know my shameful secret for what it is
97. I am really afraid that I could really exceed beyond my wildest dreams. But I have never let myself try, because what if I succeed then fail miserably
98. I'm scared that this will kill me

[PurplePeach]

If You Really Knew Me, You'd Know That...
I desperately want to be accepted
I am afraid of not winning this battle
Just now I am figuring out who I am
I have a hard time with the concept of forgiving
I smile all the time because I don't know what else to do
I am starting to become comfortable with the idea that I am ordinary and that there's nothing wrong with that
My eating disorder is not the problem; it's the symptom of my real problems
Sometimes I just want you to listen, not talk, not interrupt, not offer advice or suggestions. Sometimes all I want is you to sit there and listen and to feel like I have been heard
Sometimes the weight of my sadness is bone-crushing, like the pressure of water down deep
I hurt myself because it's the only feeling (pain) that I can stand to feel
I am terrified of not being a good enough mother
At the start of the next day, before I even brush my teeth, I ask God to help me stop myself from hurting either myself or anyone around me
I'm deathly afraid of growing up and dealing with all the things a grown-up must think about, even though I'm technically an adult
There are so many things I wish I could say
Words and actions hurt me even though they weren't meant to
I cry when you hug me because of the emptiness and pain I know I'll feel when you finally do let me go
I am so incredibly mean to myself. I wouldn't talk to any other person on earth the way I talk to myself
What I want right now more than anything is love from myself. If I had more self love, the criticisms, the negativity, the thoughts, the low self-esteem, the self-doubts would all cease
I sometimes need your help, but I'm not sure how to tell you this
I really do care about you, more than you could even imagine
I cry when no one is around
I am an emotional and sexual abuse survivor. I am on a healing mission to make sure I stop the cycle of abuse and never pass on what happened to me to someone else. I think that that makes me pretty unique and remarkable
I'm head-over-heels in love with my daughter and my husband
I hold back from full recovery because I hang on to anorexia as an excuse to not chase after my real goals
I don't like the eating disorder, I just am having a hard time disliking it
I felt too ashamed, too dirty, too embarrassed and too scared to tell you that I couldn't cope without hurting myself
I have a very difficult time seeing myself as a girl/woman/anything feminine
I want to make a difference in the world
I am unable to see my potential right now but it helps me to hear you when you tell me it's there
I'm afraid to know myself and understand my feelings and wishes
As I'm smiling and laughing, I have voices screaming and degrading me in my head
I blame myself for being raped
I am at a crossroads. For thirty-four years I have tried to be someone else. I have sweat, cried, screamed my way out of my skin
My family is more dysfunctional than I like to admit
When I laughingly say I don't want to grow up, I'm not joking. I really am terrified
I believe that everyone's flaws should be accepted and forgiven except for mine
My love for my son overwhelms me
I am honorable
I would give anything to get out of my head and into my body when I am being intimate with my boyfriend
I'm always in a state of obsession. My mind is always going a mile a minute and my ED is ALWAYS berating me for something. I never have a moment of pure peace or silence in my head
I'd love to escape to somewhere by the beach, eat, drink, dance, without a care in the world
I lied my way through treatment and I'm now paying the consequences
I'm scared to leave the student world and enter the real world alone
I miss my parents like mad
I feel there's an empty hole in me
Some days I feel like the old me & it feels so liberating
More than anything I long for a mother who loves me and listens to me and to go home and feel safe
I feel guilty about all the pain I feel
I hate, absolutely hate, feeling vulnerable and I will do almost anything to avoid it
I feel nothing most of the time and I wait to see your reactions before I know how to respond/reply/react myself
I am really sensitive although I appear unfeeling
I'll lie to everybody to keep them from being hurt or from hurting them
I feel like a complete failure as a mother
What I want most is to just hear that I am ok just the way I am even if my natural state isn't common, normal or cool
I worship the ground my big sister walks on and she doesn't even know it. I compare myself to everything she does
What you said/did hurts
Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere and I feel like an alien and that I don't belong in this time because my outlook feels so foreign
I don't like myself right now and I need support, but then when I get that support, I'm scared to let go of it again, scared that I'll lose it
I still sleep with a stuffed animal
No one could berate me more than I do myself
I hate being needy and yet I long to be taken care of
I am a scared little girl searching for a daddy to love her
Without this mask I don't really know who I am
I'm not trusting of anyone
I simultaneously crave both fitting in and standing out. I feel like a failure when I'm different, and I feel like a failure when I blend
The ED was the only constant in my life, the only thing which felt unchanging regardless of what external events happened. The ED was the only guarantee, the only certainty, the only thing loyal to me throughout everything that came my way
I wish that I didn't hate myself but at the same time, I don't know how it would feel to like myself
I am so afraid of being in an intimate relationship with a man, and I fear I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life
I'm afraid I won't be a good mom
I wear my weight like an armor
The bigger my smile, the larger my pain
I use my body to convey what my words cannot
I always feel like a burden but usually I hide that
I don't want you to give up on me
I have big dreams and wish that I believed enough to make them become a reality
I don't even know myself
I want to love my father, but I cannot figure out how
For years, I longed for someone to know my secret, in the hope they'd stop the pain and stop me from hurting because I didn't care enough about myself to stop myself
When I do something stupid, and remember it later, the "me" in the memory always looks fat and ugly
I have no confidence in myself or my abilities
I struggle to believe in myself at times and fear being hurt by criticism but I am courageous and don't shrink back from those things I am gifted at
I will not show that I am mad at you. In fact, I probably won't even feel mad at you, unless someone else reassures me that it IS something to be mad about
I want to find something that will make my parents proud of me
I don't really give a rat's ass about how I look. I only talk about it so much as a way of verbalizing all the fears inside me that I don't know how to identify
I love you even when you don't think I do
I pray that I will still be able to have children someday
I'm so, so sorry for all the times I lied to you
I am scared ****less because I don't know what to do with my life and I cannot cope without direction
I only pretend to be immature: I'm scared to show you just how serious and deep I can be
I need help believing in myself
I am holding on to my faith and my belief in God
I don't know who I am or what I'm all about
I don't feel that I deserve your unconditional love
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment
I won't ever measure up to "you"
I harbor an immense amount of guilt over my actions and this prevents me from telling you, as I don't want you to shoulder my pain and my burden, or know my shameful secret for what it is
I am really afraid that I could really exceed beyond my wildest dreams. But I have never let myself try, because what if I succeed then fail miserably
I'm scared that this will kill me
I'm afraid to admit that I can survive without SI. I'm afraid to get over my abuse issues.They're all I have.Who am I if I am without them in the back of my mind? Who do I hear if I don't hear the degrading voices in my mind?

[PurplePeach]

That also made me cry^^I can't even begin to believe how much of that I related to. Like it was my own words.....

[PurplePeach]

By the way...as for my friend....I've literally JUST found out that she has never talked about her ED,with anyone. At all.she would never talk about it if it were up to her. so...I am giving her the link....maybe it will open her up...

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by PurplePeach

That also made me cry^^I can't even begin to believe how much of that I related to. Like it was my own words.....

Yea, I know what you mean.

Done where do you find all this stuff. These made me cry so bad. Thank you for finding this. These are all so good!

I have my connections.

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by PurplePeach

By the way...as for my friend....I've literally JUST found out that she has never talked about her ED,with anyone. At all.she would never talk about it if it were up to her. so...I am giving her the link....maybe it will open her up...

Yea that's pretty common, especially when you've never talked about it. I'm used to it now, before I went to treatment I wasn't. The more she talks about it the easier it will get. Your a good friend.

[PurplePeach]

I'm wondering now.She didn't evn look at the website. She says those things feel like BS to her. And she doesn't believe any of it.That she doesn't need help,she'll help herself. I just bluntly told her I wasn't going to stop bringing it up,and if other people beat around the bush,I'm not. She said most people do,and i told her I just won't. That I'll keep askingher questions. she said *shrug*.As she awlays says.


i'm wondering now if I can handle knowing this about her and handle my own problems. Is it okay for me to start getting better without her? Somehow I feel guilty getting better without her.

[pedagogue]

Just my 2 cents:

Be available.
Give her permission to vent, cry, yell, etc, and let her know that you won't take offense.
The SomethingFishy website is great
Say what you think because it may be what she thinks but won't say.

-p

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by PurplePeach

I'm wondering now.She didn't evn look at the website. She says those things feel like BS to her. And she doesn't believe any of it.That she doesn't need help,she'll help herself. I just bluntly told her I wasn't going to stop bringing it up,and if other people beat around the bush,I'm not. She said most people do,and i told her I just won't. That I'll keep askingher questions. she said *shrug*.As she awlays says.


i'm wondering now if I can handle knowing this about her and handle my own problems. Is it okay for me to start getting better without her? Somehow I feel guilty getting better without her.

I had a friend who I was sick with, we were closer than I can even begin to explain.
Everyone thought we were twins and we also lived together in jr. high and high school. We got really really sick with each other and so I know what you mean about feeling guilty about getting better without her.
My friend and I ended up going our separate ways and getting better on our own and that was really hard I didn't think I could do it, literally thought I would die before I could do it without her. But no matter how close you are to someone, no matter how much you love them, or how bad you want them to get better, you Have to get better no matter what they choose to do.
No one is ever going to be at the same place you are in your life, so you are always going to be in a different place than most of your friends but that's okay, some friends you will outgrow and move on, other friends you will grow with. Only time will tell. If your friendship was meant to be it will be. I have some friends that it seems that no matter what happens, no matter what we do or go through, or how bad it gets, or how mad we get, there's just a bond there that just seems to never get broken, and I don't know why, it's just there. Other friends you don't have that with, you'll find out.
But if you hold yourself back because of someone else, I guarantee you, you will end up resenting them and it will never last.. If you aren't healthy yourself, you'll never be able to help your friend anyway.....

You may be surprised if your friend sees you getting better she may just start to follow your lead. You've been putting a lot of focus on her and her recovery maybe you should shift a little more your way, sounds like you are doing great with her. You gave her the tools that you know of, your being honest with her, and you are being her friend, now do those same things for yourself.
Her comment of these sites being bull**** is probably her fear talking.
Your doing great sweetie....