Bad Body Fever

[Done-With-It!]

Eating Disorders: Afflicting Mind, Body & Soul Bad Body Fever

By Jane Hirschmann, C.S.W. and Carol H. Munter Co-Directors, National Center for Overcoming Overeating, New York, New York You wake up in the morning, make your way into the bathroom to shower. As you are about to get in the shower, you see yourself in the full-length mirror."Yuck!" you say, "I feel so fat." You are not alone. Every moment of every hour of every day, millions of women of varying shapes, sizes and ages utter some variation of the phrase, "I feel fat." A woman may catch a glimpse of herself reflected in a show window and gasp, "God! My stomach is huge." She may be day-dreaming while waiting for an appointment only to find herself thinking that her thighs are disgusting. Or she may be walking to her car when she suddenly feels huge. If this kind of self-loathing was experienced by only a small number of women, we would be justified in attempting to understand it in terms of the individual's psychopathology. If it was experience by only women who, in fact, are larger than average, we could understand it in terms of a fat person's internalization of cultural prejudice. The fact is, however, that fat feelings, or bad body feelings, occupy the minds and hearts of the vast majority of women and girls, regardless of their size, shape or age. This syndrome, which we call Bad Body Fever, is neither viral nor bacterial, but it is epidemic. This profound dissatisfaction with their female bodies propels women to diet. And dieting is responsible for the vast proliferation of eating problems in women. It is essential, then, that health practitioners be aware that when a woman,large, small, or in-between, says, "I feel fat," she is making a culturally sanctioned detour. She heads towards her body, and away from some discomfort that needs her compassion and understanding. Because we live in a society in which fatness is harshly denigrated, each time a woman says "I feel fat," she is saying, "There is something wrong with me." Wherever she turns, a woman is bombarded with overt and covert messages that tell her: first, that her body is the most important thing about her; second, that her body does not conform to the cultural ideal; and third, that she should devote much of her life's energy to efforts at body improvement. The disturbing truth is that most women agree with the message that they are not okay the way they are and thus succumb to the pressure to diet and bodyshape, i.e., most women suffer from Bad Body Fever. Body hatred and chronic dieting prove that at the level of their deepest feelings, women are still in a lot of trouble. In the last few decades, society has witnessed a worldwide upheaval in consciousness concerning the position of women. Yet, despite women's impressive strides in the world, they still feel bad about themselves. Not only do they bear the legacy of centuries of inequality between men and women, but they are still struggling for the basic rights of economic parity, safety at home and on the streets, reproductive freedom, and affordable childcare. In other words, in a number of ways they are still treated as "less than." Women succumb to the pressure to diet and bodyshape because they are unclear about how much space they ought to take up in the world. Generally, women do not speak about their shaky sense of entitlement directly. Instead, raised as traditional girls, women speak endlessly about their bodies and their need to transform them. How much space is a woman supposed to occupy? How substantial is a woman supposed to be? Is it possible that women feel fat when they think their ideas, wishes, and feelings are out of line or unladylike? We would like you to consider the possibility that when a woman says disgustedly that she feels fat, she is really saying that she feels she is too large – larger than any woman is supposed to be in a man's world. When women suspect they have overstepped some boundary, they attack themselves for the transgression by calling themselves fat. In this way, women keep their ideas, feelings and forbidden ambitions in check. Consider Mary's story. Mary received a long-overdue promotion at work,. She was delighted. Then her supervisor called to tell her that a photographer would be there the next morning to take her picture for the company newsletter. From that point on, all Mary could think about was how fat she felt and how much she did not want her picture taken. That night she slept fitfully. Each time she woke up she saw herself looming large in the photograph. The joy she felt about her promotion was completely eclipsed by her concern about being too fat, too big, too successful. Megan has a similar story. She told us that she had recently completed an intense self-defense class for women. "I didn't recognize myself, fighting back in the class the way I did. But ever since, I haven't been able to stop thinking about my body. I feel huge," she said. Like Mary, Megan felt that she had overstepped some boundary. Addressing Bad Body Thoughts Bad body thoughts are so interwoven into the fabric of women's lives that becoming cognizant of them is a formidable undertaking. Noticing bad body thoughts is the first step toward curing Bad Body Fever. Once you notice them, however, you have to know what to do with them. At our workshops, we encourage women to move through a four-step process each time they have a bad body thought: apologize, challenge, set the thought aside, and learn about yourself from it. Step One: Apologize You are walking down the street when, suddenly, you are struck by a bad body thought. Consider its impact, your thought might just as well have been a two-by four. "I'm so gross," the thought goes, "My stomach is unbearably disgusting. I wish I could disappear." In the past, you had this very same thought countless times without even breaking stride. Now not only do you notice the thought, but you address it. "Wait a minute. What just happened?" You ask. Why are you treating yourself so badly? Bad body thoughts, after all, are abusive. If, for even a moment, you doubt their sting, try keeping track of them on paper, and read them over from time to time. Would you ever have the nerve to talk to anyone else as callously as you talk to yourself? You have done nothing to deserve such abusive treatment and you deserve an apology. In the past, rather than apologize to yourself, you may have used food as an anesthetic to lessen your pain. Now you can use kind words which are much more effective. Step Two: Challenge the Authority of Your Bad Body Thought Once you have apologized to yourself for having been abusive, you need to challenge the belief behind your bad body thought. The phrase "Who says?" is a very important one. Each time you think your stomach is "really disgusting" you are endorsing a cultural belief that there is such a thing as a perfect-looking stomach. We understand, of course, that you have been indoctrinated to believe that the only "right" stomach is a flat one. But now the time has come to ask why. Who says that a flat stomach or a small stomach is best? The flat, hard stomach is as arbitrary an ideal as is blonde hair. You have accepted that ideal for years, but you can cease to do so. Indeed, we believe that the longer you continue to accept the ideal, the larger and rounder your stomach will become. You fight back against negative judgments even if you do so in hidden ways. Now you must openly challenge the beliefs and assumptions behind each and every bad body thought. Who says that your body should be like hers? Who says that your thighs are the wrong size and hers are the right size? Who says your butt's too big? Who thinks so? What's wrong with large butts, breasts, thighs, stomachs, hips, etc.? People laugh nervously when we start questioning why one size thigh should be considered more attractive than another, or why a youthful body is regarded as more attractive than an aging one. Challenging these old beliefs may feel sacrilegious, but it's worth the risk. Step Three: Set the Thought Aside Bad body thoughts, like dandelions, die hard. Step on them and they spring back. Pull them out and twice as many return. You will have to strive, on a daily basis, to free your mind from them. Remember that you have been translating your unnamed worries and concerns into bad body thoughts for most of your life. Your hatred of your body has become enmeshed with your psychic equilibrium. Now, you have to learn a different way of dealing with your psyche. Step Four: Learn from you Bad Body Thought Each time you have a bad body thought it means that you are ambivalent about noticing something you are thinking or feeling. Becoming adept at decoding means addressing your real thoughts and feelings with compassion and understanding. The more compassionately you treat yourself, the less need you will have for the camouflage that bad body thoughts provide. Decoding A Bad Body Thought Remember that a bad body thought is never ever about your body, no matter what your body size. Then what is it about? To best answer that question, you will need to keep very close track of your bad body thoughts, even to the point of writing them down as they occur. Look closely at the words that comprise your bad body thoughts; the words themselves are clues. Look at the context, both emotional and physical, in which your thoughts arise. What were you doing, feeling, or thinking when you first noticed the bad body thought? The more specific you can be, the more likely you will be able to gain insight. Here are some examples. Leta: "I look disgusting in a bathing suit." "The other day I was at my gym changing into my swimsuit. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and had a bad body thought. I'm sure the thought was really about my body because it occurred when I looked in the mirror. I wouldn't have had the thought if I were at work." We challenged Leta and reminded her that every bad body thought, no matter when it occurs, conceals some kind of personal concern that has nothing to do with the shape of one's body. To prove this, we asked Leta exactly what she had said to herself as she looked in the mirror. "I looked in the mirror and said,'Why do I even bother to get into a suit'?" Leta answered. We then asked her to describe what had happened from the time she arrived at the gym until she had the thought. Suddenly, Leta struck gold. "Oh, my God! I see what went on," she exclaimed. "I took my usual aerobics class before swimming. There's a very cute man in this class and I had been wondering if he would be there. Sometimes he and I make small talk. At the end of this particular class we again made contact. I'm always surprised that he bothers to talk to me because I automatically assume that he's not interested in me. I think the real message of my bad body thought was, "Why bother going after him since, in the long run, he won't be interested?" Also, Leta added, "there may have been an element of punishment in my swimsuit remark for having had the nerve to want to pursue this man, or any man, for that matter." Ann: "I'm ugly." Ann spoke up at a workshop and said that she had been attacking herself for being fat. When we asked what words she had been using in these attacks, she replied, "Ugly. I keep saying that I'm ugly." When we asked her to think about what this word meant to her in context other than her body, her fact lit up. "Oh, boy," she said. "I never would have thought of it, but even as we speak, there are contractors renovating part of my house. Yesterday, they wanted to start doing something with the plumbing. I felt uneasy about it and said that I wanted my own plumber to come over and look at it. They gave me a hard time and were clearly angry about my refusal to let them do it, but I stood my ground and called the plumber. When I left the house after this incident, that's when the screaming began. I just couldn't stand how I looked. I see now that what I thought was ugly was the fact that I had stood up to them. I didn't just acquiesce. I wasn't a good girl. I guess I've bought the idea that assertive women are ugly." With courage, patience, and resolve, women can learn to care for themselves unconditionally and give themselves the support they need to cure their Bad Body Fever. Each time a woman stops a bad body thought, she strikes a blow for all women and takes a big step in the direction of self-care.